I do understand where you are coming from because it happened to me. I was married at 21 and even when I walked down the aisle of that church I knew I made a mistake, but thought I had the "jitters" so got married. It didn't take long to realize I had done the wrong thing, because it wasn't long after my new husband was cheating on me with more than one woman and I was in denial. He was a cheater, but never an abuser, until one day, he started being mentally abusive and it got worse, then it started into physical abuse and I knew I should get away from him. Still, I found my mind was in a fog and I had always planned on staying married for the rest of my life (this was back in the 60s) and didn't know where to turn. I was too embarrassed and too full of pride to seek help from my parents, and didn't dare trust a friend with the fact my marriage had failed. I only trusted one male friend I had known for years. Other than that I kept it to myself and realized that my health was failing from all the stress. I was working one day and it suddenly hit me that I couldn't take it anymore, so I started looking for an apartment. When I found one I kicked my abusive husband upstairs in the house where his mother lived (we rented the basement suite) and on another day came home from work and took half of everything and moved into my apartment. I had even shocked myself at my own actions. I can't say it was easy at first and it took about a month for me to realize I was actually free to do as I wanted and to have peace in my life. I did have many nights of crying myself to sleep and even felt very alone, but, that passed, and I quit my job, got a better one, and started looking after myself for a change. I dated, but no one really seriously, went out with my girlfriends and had fun. I began to figure out who I was and what I was about and I grew stronger and more confident by the day. One day I was introduced to a wonderful young man and I married him in 1972 and we have been happily married for 33 years. I think it's not the lack of courage or strength that you stay, but rather timing (although you may not realize it) and I do feel delay in this situation is for a reason. For now, get out with friends, see more of what society has to offer and if you aren't working get a job, and if you are working and don't like your job then change jobs. Slowly you will gain more confidence and suddenly one day you'll do just what I did, come home, lay the cards on the table, ask for a divorce and you'll hit the bricks. If you own a home or property together then you must seek legal counsel and be sure your rights are secured. A wife is entitled to half and also half of her husband's pension, etc. Protect yourself! If you have children then you will have to adjust the custody suitable for the divorce. Something most women don't think of if they have children or even if they are alone is that you can get a housekeeper or nanny in. Right away women think, "but I can't afford this" but you can and here is how you do it. There are Mexicans, Asians, etc., that immigrate into the U.S. or Canada and they need a place to stay as well. Not only would you have some help raising your children, but if living alone you would have some company as well. It is the cheapest way to do things and it is helping both you and the person who has immigrated. Works out great and I have friends that have done it. I find that women that want to leave a loveless marriage fear loneliness more than anything, then it's security. Women don't realize just how strong they are and once they quite being afraid, and just get plain angry, the world is at their finger tips. Stay strong! Good luck Marcy
If hes going out with you then hes obviously unhappy in his marriage. Ask him that if this is the case why doesnt he end the marriage. If he doesnt want to end the marriage tell him its over. If he likes you enough he would end up choosing you; that would be the ultimate test. remember if you marry a man who left his wife, you the wife of a man who will leave his wife to marry some one else
It is obvious that the husband is not happy in the marriage and has not been mature enough to communicate any problems to the wife so they can be worked on together. Obviously he feels guilty and is staying because his wife begged him too. The wife mustgather all the strength she can and sit down and discuss the marriage problems openly with her husband and see if together they can't perform damage control. If he is not willing to do so it's best to let him go as he will leave eventually because he is obviously not happy. Either that or he may end up having an affair if he is not already.either he will leave or she will leave him, they may both end up unhappy if they just stay in the situation if they cannot solve it, and cannot do anything about it, really
You took marriage vows so you don't just leave (unless the husband was physically or verbally abusive), but stay and try to get him some help. He should seek counseling and go to AA and also go to rehab for his drug disorder. If he refuses to seek help after you tell him that you are unhappy with the marriage because of his drinking and popping pills let him know you will leave him. If he loves you enough he should try and you should be right there helping him.
If there is no way to reconcile your differences then find a way to make it happen. There will never be enough financial stability to walk away. Just do what needs to be done. Yes it will be a struggle but what is better staying and being unhappy or worse or leving and starting over. I chose starting over and it worked for me.
Your spouse is hoping that you are not worldly enough to realize that it is not normal to have an affair and they are trying to get away with cheating on you. Tell them if they persist and do not work on your marriage with you (seek marriage counseling) then you will leave and they can have all the affairs they like. You are in control of your life and destiny!
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