How does one deal with those who believe the narcissist and not the victim?

If you are living or married to one then leave. If it's a person in your family cast them out of your life. If it's a sibling they aren't worth the energy and frustration.

Narcissists are great chameleons and can turn on the charm (some more than others) and it's difficult for others around you to realize this person isn't so nice after all, and then you may have some extremely narrow-minded people believe you actually deserve thistreatment. When I hear of such things I always know there are two sides to every story and I don't label someone. If I care about the person and a window of opportunity opens I'll say something in hopes they will discuss it and at least have someone to talk too that isn't judging them. Narcissists will NEVER go for counseling for their problem because their ego is so big that everyone around them is wrong and they are always right. Narcissists are perfectionists, controllers, egotistical and sometimes can become physically abusive if they don't get their own way. Most are happy enough to play mind games, are controlling and just make their partner feel miserable 99% of the time.

You have a choice. Live with it, tell it off or run from it!

Good luck

===

I had this problem at work. Th N was telling a co-worker lies about me that i said things about her (which i didnt) and basically had her hating my guts. I did express my opinions about him in a vauge way and she wouldn't believe me .. at first. He gave me the silent treatment (for some percieved rejection) and spent HOURS in her office gossiping and talking and presumably saying lies about me.

I wanted to confront her so bad, and explain what a liar he was but decided to wait it out and let her see for heself. This coworker is an intelligent, perceptive christian woman and I knew she would come to realize his true nature and despise this vampire. Sure enough she did. Now NO ONE at work trusts him and i have befriended this same co-worker that he once tried to turn against me.

We compare notes and have armed ourselves to protect agains the N's games. Turns out she is very educated about all kinds of personality disorders. Her mother is a pshycologist. She herself reads others foibles and deceptions with startling accuracy. I have had experience with another N years ago and studied the subject at length. We educate one anohter and learn alot how to deal with this situation. Although we each choose to deal with it in different ways. She acts professional, polite and friendly as if nothing is amiss. I just ignore him completely as if he doesnt exist. Though it maks him uneasy we are getting along now. He hasn't a clue we know all about him and what makes him tick.

It should get interesting. Another new girl that is part of N's clique starts work with us very soon. She is apparently a "friend" who he says the most vapid things about behind her back. We have deceided to lie low and let her see for herself what he is like. Wait and see if she says something to the effect he stabbed her in the back (and he will) then we are there for her when she needs us.

So take heart. Things might seem hopeless. But chances are those that belive him now won't for long. They will figure him out and since you and they are human may just be your friend someday. Others see the truth eventually and will be on your side. SUpport one anohter. There is strength in numbers.

Meanwhile just lay low and have faith that the truth will come out. before your very eyes.

Answer

In my experience, for some reason we blame the victim for letting abuse happen to them.It is just one of those things that people don't want to confront. At work, avoid discussing personalities and comparing notes, and most of all talking with him about each other. Believe me, this can quickly turn against you and ruin your work environment. Offer encouragement to the new worker if he makes her life miserable, but say nothing otherwise.