When a narcissist replaces you how to get over that hurt?

Answer 1

You should seek counseling because you have been brain-washed by this manipulative person. You did nothing wrong, but be yourself and I have no doubt you are kind, loving and giving and these are the targets that abusers of all sorts go for (more control.) Simply because you are kind and loving (don't change who you are) does not mean there is anything wrong with you and you need a counselor to help you put it into perspective. The person with the problem is the narcissist!!! As humans we are generally taught to work at our relationships and most often than not most relationships have their bumpy roads so it's difficult to tell when you should stick it out or bail out. You did your best and you should be proud of yourself! Good luck hon I can relate to this feeling and it doesn't feel good. I felt a lot of embarrassment. As I grew bolder and shared the private details with those closest to me, I was embarrassed I hadn't left sooner - even though it was only one year before I left - still it was one year too long. Just sharing 'one' of the incidences with my father had him saying, "AND YOU continued with this guy!?!". But I was engaged - ring on finger, wedding planning, dreaming, etc.. In the end, that didn't matter. I left anyway. The double-tragedy is the victim winds up feeling the shame, when it is really the N that should. The only way out of this, for me, was to have compassion on myself. Also, to leave. My self-respect grew enormously when I left. This helped to "redeem" the negative feelings I had toward myself due to finding myself in that situation in the first place. There is 'no' humiliation in loving and believing in another. Those are two of the best gifts you can give - beautiful, precious and worthy of being taken care of. The fact that someone did not know how to cherish you, and your love and belief is 'not' about you - not a reflection on 'you'. Even the best-of-the-best are caught in the same trap you found yourself in. It 'is' a reflection on them - who they are, and their ability (or lack thereof) to love. Being manipulated only means you believed someone was as honest and loving as you. You thought there was sincerity there. That kind of innocence and purity is a beautiful gift. Hold onto it. Hold onto you. Extend yourself the same compassion you would extend to another - and allow yourself to THRIVE. Many blessings, AlwaysLearning

Answer 2

I'm still working on this one myself. It has been almost two years since I left my exhusband and we still haven't completely disconnected. I have heard that it takes years to recover from a narcissistic relationship. I'm just trying to stay really busy and I'm finally putting myself "out there" to date again. At times I still feel myself being drawn back to him (especially since we have a young daughter together). But...I'm just trying really hard to be strong and I hope that I will be able to find a good, loving man to share my life with some day. I know that I will always care about my ex but need to keep telling myself that he is not going to change and he didn't make me happy when we were together. I find this website really helpful. Whenever I feel like I miss him...I read the statistics about abusers. It makes me feel like I did make the right decision to leave him. I have also started praying a lot more, this really does seem to help. Be strong in your journey in getting over your ex. There are people out there going through the same thing you are...we are here for you. BE STRONG!!! Cut off all contact. If that means mutual friends, getting your phone number changed, changing jobs, residence and so on. Do everything possible to disonnect from them. Out of sight,eventually out of mind. Its alot easier to not have contact as then they have no power over you. But while you are connected they will try anything to have power from making you jealous to spreading lies or telling people pathetic fabricated stories about you.

Answer 3

New Answer

I am trying to disconnect from a n as well. My poor body was riddle with emotional pain all the time. Thanks to all people who have experience this type of relationship has helped to open my awareness. Also to let go of my helplessness frame of mind, I need to work on me not him. The constant criticism, and abandon me when some other female came on the scene was sending me crazy plus the contradictions. that never ended. Also his compulsive lying. And his obsession with money. Threats to harm me where very unnerving. I know am going to take it more seriously. Thanks every one wish you luck in feeling better in every way. Stay safe.

Try to realise that is totally hopeless to try to stay in the relationship. Bad things are going to repeat themselves inevitably and you'll end up confused, scared and shattered again. It's hard for people around you to understand. They haven't been thru hell like you did. They are not emotionally betrayed like you were. They didn't loose all their emotional investment for nothing like you did. BUT, as the philosopher says, the source of my hope is my total hopelesness. You were completely humiliated and exploited. You gave love and you took back irony, blames and accusations. Narcissists have sick, sick, sick minds. They will try to get grip on every aspect of your life and body. Respect yourself an d let go. Learn to love yourself again. YOU OWE THIS TO YOURSELF! You served the wacko long enough!Nobody is irreplaceable. I was almost totally ruined psychologically, financially and socially by a narcissistic woman in just 22 months. I thought she was a divine gift! How completely wrong I was! Now I see her accidentally on the street (small European town) and the only distant feeling I have is PITY for her deranged mind. Nothing else. So keep a simple rule. NO MORE CONTACT! Let the skies be shiny for you again. Love again! Feel again! Breath again! You are free at last!

AnswerWell it all depends on if you are still in the relationship....

a narcissistic relationship is really unhealthly. It isn't 'good' for the one that is considered 'normal' in the relationship. If you are still in the relationship, with this person, maybe therapy can 'walk you through it' and maybe things will get better after time.

But with my experience, narcissistic people just aren't worth being around...they feed off you...which in turn, can ruin you. Answer I am in the midst of doing just that. Recovering! It's not likely to be easy. (See Sam Vaknin's site on "Mourning the Narcissist".)The first thing I did was to tell everytone I could trust what really happened in our relationship. Some folks didn't know, and it felt good to just talk about it. (My ex "forbid" me to talk to anyone about our arguments. It was one way he controlled me.) This talking got me support from my friends. There were times when I wanted to go back. My friends helped talk me out of it.I discovered that some of them had the same experiences in their past. VERY vindicating. I read a lot too. Understanding Narcissism helped me to realize that it was not my fault. I threw myself into my work and managed to accomplish a lot. I got a little crazy with it, but it helped to keep my mind occupied. I decided that it didn't matter what folks thought since I was doing it for myself. I let myself cry when I needed to.No good keeping it in. I wrote in my journal so I could chart my progress. Every day gets better. I got some counseling too. The most important thing I did was to decide that I will never take that sort of s*it again! I am practicing boundaries and I actually have a little (healthy) attitude now. It does get better. Stinks at first, but you will be o.k. Trust me, it gets better. The guys a loser. He is pathetic and sick and does not understand how he has affected you. No excuse for him. Get what you deserve. Just go for it! You are a good person, right? Believe it. Good luck girl, you are not alone.

Answer 4

Time really helps - you will survive - and you will come to the realisation that you are better off without them - relationships with narcissists are abusive and you don't need that - with time you should understand your true self-worth and that you deserve better than to be treated in the way that you were - these forums also really help to make you realise that you are not alone

Answer 5

Try jogging or some type of cardio on a daily basis.

In addition, give yourself a serious reality check. Stop pining over a delusion. Everything about a narcissist is an overblown illusion created to lure you in. Think about what you got out of the relationship and what you had to give. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship when it's all about one person only. Move on. You didn't lose anything, you got your life back.