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How does the abuser use their power in the relationship to abuse the victim?
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What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
The power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
The victim has no power or they would not be abused. The abuser always has the control. Children and the elderly are victimized often in society as well as men and women. The abuser will start out by abusing psychologically and 'put down' their victim until they leave their victim confused with no self confidence. The abuser may threaten to leave their victim (this is terrifying to the elderly); leave the wife and take the children; talk of killing the victim or anyone that is close to them. The abuser often isolates their victim so their victim has no family or friends to turn too and they have to suffer in silence and depend on their abuser.
How people who harm and abuse individuals conceal what is happening?
To conceal it well, they need to have power over victim. To gain this power they spend quite a while in early stages of relationship convincing victim they are all they have and are dependant on them. Threats are common, they instill fear in the victim. Because the victim feels love for the person and believes they have noone else, they do what they are told and even help to conceal the abuse themselves. Its a mind game. I know this. I was a victim. So if you think someone is being abused, they most likely are, but will not admit it because of fear. They will even defend the abuser.
Should Children of verbally abused mom expect apology from boyfriend?
For anyone who is the victim of abuse to expect that they would have an apology would be a terrible injustice to the victim. It would put power into the hands of the abuser again. It wouldn't be fair to the victim to expect an apology. Not only in this case but in most cases an apology shouldn't be expected.
How should a victim deal with an abuser who makes sure that he or she is in the room while the abuser reads questions from this abuse FAQ with a sadistic grin and then makes you pay?
If you allow someone to monitor your activities that closely, you need to seek help. Many times the only way to break the hold of submissiveness is to leave the relationship and relocate. A sadist only has the power over you that you grant him. Otherwise, he would soon face criminal charges and/or restraining orders.
Is it normal for a victim to still read abuse books or websites when things are going well so that he or she can stay one step ahead of the abuser?
Of course, though if you're still having to stay one step ahead of the abuser, then things probably aren't going that well. An abusive relationship has highs and lows, calm periods and periods of active abuse. But it's still an abusive relationship. If you're in such a relationship, talk to a professional. They're there to help you find alternatives, whether it's healing the relationship or helping you take back your own life. Yes but you eventually wont be able to keep up. The only way to stay one step ahead of him for good is to leave. Remove yourself from him and he has lost all power.
Can a spouse abuser be rehabilitated?
I am no expert on this, or anything else, for that matter, but I would suspect the answer is no. Spousal abuse is like any other form of bullying; it is a power game. The abuser has no respect for the abused person; there is no love in the relationship. NO!!! And if he tells you he is, he isn't. Don't believe it. Get out and get a real man that doesn't need to use his fist. You are better than that.
Why is it that many abuser programs stress education about abuse and confronting the abuser rather than holding the abuser accountable for his actions and forcing him to change?
I volunteer at an Abused Women's Center and there are good programs for the victim to learn what is abuse, why it's wrong, and how to get out of the relationship. It gives you the tools to be confident once again and gives the victim a chance to stand on their own two feet and actually have a life of their own (and their children if they have any.) Victims of abuse don't always realize that they have been brain-washed by having their confidence level taken down to zero (or they wouldn't be sticking around) and the feeling that they simply can't make it out in the real world (the abuser sees to that!) These programs teach you otherwise and that your abuser was brain-washing the victim to make her think she was good for nothing and needed him because she'd never make it out in that big scary world. Not true! I have never once heard in counseling of abused women in the Center I am in where they tell you to confront their abuser. That's simply too dangerous. We have counselors that help the victims make a plan to get away, then set things up where they are taken to a "safe house" or "Transition House" where they are safe from harm. I don't even know where these "safe houses" are and only the counselor in charge does. These "safe houses" give programs to help the woman regain their strength mentally and physically, and regain her power to keep herself safe and also, to learn not to get back into another abusive relationship and learn the signs of abusive behavior. The RCMP in British Columbia actually have programs to help women defend themselves. It is true that in the past there were few laws that protected the victim from the abuser. Things are changing every single day. There are laws in certain States now (Nancy Reagan is fighting for the Rights of Women) and also Theresa Saldana (a victim of abuse and a savage attack ... stabbed many times, but survived) have also managed to change laws. Abusers ARE now being made responsible for their actions. At least in British Columbia if the police are called to a "domestic abuse" situation they use to be held up legally by the victim being too afraid to press charges against her abuser, but now the police can actually arrest the abuser without her blessing. If you would like any further detailed information please just post me back. Marcy
What can a person do if they have been a victim of abuse of police power?
you should tell a person with more power than a police officer.
Why do many talk show hosts seem to be stuck on telling the victim to get a backbone and stand up to her abuser when in many cases it may actually be safer for the victim to do absolutely nothing?
No one has the right to tell anyone to "get a backbone" and move out. It's an ignorant thing to say and even more so being a Talk Show Host because they are suppose to do their homework before their program. If they did, they would realize that leaving an abusive situation isn't as simple for many women as it looks. Until a person walks in the victim's shoes they have no right to make such comments. However, in this day and age there is absolutely no reason for a woman to stay in an abusive relationship. I volunteer for a Women's Abuse Center" and there is plenty of help for the victim and they can even get legal counsel and are also kept in a "safe house" or "Transition House" until they can get psychological counseling to undo the brain-washing techniques the abuser has caused, and also legal counsel to get rid of the abuser. After that they will even help the person to find ways to better their education or get a job and become independent. I know many women who have managed to get away from their abuser and are living on their own. It is NOT safe to stay in an abusive situations and it's proven often. Some men get so angry they can beat their victims half to death, cripple them and even sometimes murder is involved. If there are children involved it's all the more reason to get out of this abusive relationship. Believe it or not a victim of abuse does has the power to change her destiny. Good luck Marcy
Describe three factors that may make individuals more vulnerable to abuse than others?
factors may include if the individual has a mental disability such as dementia or not having mental capacity. If the individual is secluded or isolated or are vulnerable. There could also be factors for the abuser which could include the abuser having lack of training, also abusing their power. sometimes personal issues have a part to play which could include the carer/abuser being stressed or having a history of abuse and continuing the cycle
Is it common for an abuse victim to inadvertantly develop the same attitudes as the abuser when in reality the victim has had enough and is fighting to preserve their rights and boundaries?
No it's not common. Usually women that are in physically abusive relationships walk in fear every day. Their heart is in their throat the minute their mate walks through that door because it's like walking on broken glass around him. The abuser has their victim so brain-washed she doesn't know what to do or where to go for help and often is too embarrassed to go for help. The abuser will keep her ignorant to many facts in life such as the law and also that there are good programs and much help out there for abused women. The abuser knows this! If a woman can play the same abusive game back to her mate then she isn't that physically abused, because men are simply stronger than women and he knows he has the power. If this person is mentally abused and it's one fight after the other, then why would anyone want to stay in this sort of relationship just to prove a point or out of pride. There are no rights or boundaries in this situation. There is a game we must all play in life and it's called trust, honesty, respect, love and being there as each other's best friends and not just as lovers. A relationship should never be a war zone. Marriage and life in general is simply a pawn game for all of us and abuse is unacceptable in a relationship and adds more stress to our lives. Women and men alike have the freedom, and the mind and strength to move away from anything that is not conducive or destructive to their lives. There are simply no excuses. If you or anyone you know is abused then take that risk and reach out and touch someone (Mental Health or one of the Abused Women's Centers in your area.) Aim for "flying free!" Good luck Marcy Becoming like an abuser from a victim's point of view isn't the same. An abuser has their own reality and you can't penetrate that. Best to see if you can both get to a therapist and figure out how to manage coexistence by empowering each person. Perhaps it is more a passage in the relationship where you both need to readjust. I notice this more around 17 to 20 years into the relationship and/or when the partners reach their forties. Just need a new deal instead of a vicious cycle of trying to one-up one another. Now, if it is abuse and the issue is a taboo subject, that may be a dealbreaker in continuing the relationship.
