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There is no answer to your question, at least not one that you can be sure is right. What you need to consider is how strong the person is, how good a support system other family and friends are providing... and Does this person truly want out? Trying to change someone, staying because you love the person or being afraid to leave all are major factors in how long it takes.

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โˆ™ 2005-09-28 04:38:01
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Q: How long does it typically take a victim to finally leave an abusive relationship?
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How long does it typically take a victim to finally realize their in abusive relationship?

the typically part depends on the frequency of the abuse.

Do victim in abusive relationship get threatend?


Is stalking abusive?

To the victim it is.

After being in a verbally abusive relationship does the victim often become the abuser in her next relationship?

It does often happen that people will learn how to get their way through verbal aggression, from their own experiences of being verbally abused. Life is an endless learning experience, but sometimes people learn the wrong things. Answer I think it COULD happen but I think it would be the exception and not the rule. Victims in these kinds of situations are usually not abusive types of people - that's why they are victims. If it is an adult who grew up in a verbally abusive environment they may be the victim for a while and then finally snap and turn the tables and become the abuser but I think in most circumstances the victim would not become the abuser in the next relationship.

How do you get someone out of an abusive relationship?

People are not objects. You cannot "get them" out or into anything, let alone a relationship. You can help her/him acknowledge that s/he is the victim of abuse, offer unconditional support, and assist with practical details.

Why do you feel so much guilt for leaving an abusive relationship?

Because were unable to change the situation you feel like a failure, when it wasn't your fault.AnswerBecause he did a good job making you feel guilty in the relationship as though his abuse was your fault. Even if he admitted it at times that it was his fault and that he was sorry he was not genuine. He was only trying to futhur manipulate. So with that kind of treatment it only makes sense that the guilt would continue when you leave. You have taken far too much repsonsibility for a parasites behaviour. Once you become stronger you will reach a point where you think I dont care if what I did that time or this time was wrong I did not deserve to be abused! In time you will be able to put in more in perspective. AnswerUnfortunately, this is a common effect on the victim of the abusive relationship and is part of what is commonly called "battered wife syndrome." The victim of an abusive relationship will, before finally giving up and leaving the relationship, blame themselves and have an immutable and unhealthy hope that the relationship will get better, perhaps if they are a better person and lover to their abusive partner. When they finally can motivate themselves (or have a friend help them to finally act) to remove themselves from the abusive relationship, this transmutes to feeling of guilt for giving up when they could have worked at it to make the relationship better (even though they may rationally realize there was nothing they could do to save it, and the relationship was not healthy for them).

If you are being verbally and physically abused what can you do if he thinks it's your fault because you push his buttons?

Blaming the victim, or partner is one of the many ways the abusive person uses to confuse the victim and/or to make it "seem" acceptable. Please read The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans and visit for more information.

How do you help someone who is in an abusive relationship without being intrusive?

If the victim does not explicitly ask for help, all you can do is express your reasoned opinion and refer her to relevant literature.

Should you go back to an Ex?

If the ex was psychologically or physically abusive, you should not resume the relationship. Oftentimes, an abusive person will break up with a partner and then will attempt to resume the relationship because the abuser wants to continue to control that person. An abusive person will wait for his/her former partner to get over the breakup and get on with his/her life, oftentimes the former victim has a new significant other. The abuser contacts the victim, disrupts the victims life again and demands that the victim give up new friends, jobs and any other independence that has been attained. This is all in exchange for resuming a relationship with the abuser. When the victim complies, the abuser is on his best behavior for a while. Then the cycle of abuse starts again once he has his partner dependent and socially isolated. Breaking up and reconciliation with occur as many times as the victim will allow it to happen.

When will you begin to feel 'normal' after leaving an abusive relationship?

There is no one correct answer. So long as a person remembers anything of the abusive relationship, it will always have some effect on them simply by remembering it. In a similar fashion to some believing virginity can never be regained once lost, someone who is abused can never be "never abused" unless they incur a complete amnesia over their memory of the entire abusive relationship. The more serious consequences to the victim of a relationship, such as depression (suicidal thoughts or feelings of worthlessness, etc.), nightmares, "battered wife syndrome" (in which one thinks the abusive relationship is their fault and the relationship can be good again if they are a better lover) may not pass at all if the victim has chronic depression (chronic depression doesn't mean feeling depressed after an emotionally traumatic event, such as an abusive relationship, but is a neurochemical imbalance that can make it impossible for a person to stop feeling depressed even long after the event, whereas a normal person will feel depressed but the feeling of depression fades after not too long of a period). Several months to a year or more may be required for the worst symptoms to pass. Certainly, if bad symptoms persist for longer than a year, professional help may be required (but it is a good idea for the victim of an abusive relationship to get professional help early anyway, as some of the side effects of an abusive relationship can be deadly).

Why is it so hard to get out of an abusive relationship?

Because most girls in an abusive relationshipnever have the courage to fight back or stand up for themselves, they may also have low self esteem, and the most current and common reason is i love him! Also, because most people find it hard to get out of an abusive relationship because they are afraid if they do, the abuser will be angry and full of rage to the point where they might hurt the victim.

Type of relationship that can become abusive?

I am sure there are lots of ways a normal relationship can become abusive but there is one that sticks in my mind: A serious relationship. It is because if you are mainly the girl in a relationship (it is mostly the girl playing the victim and the guy playing the abuser) you are more into love than he is so therefore you push yourself into that serious relationship. As he knows you pushed yourself into the relationship he thinks he can control you now and since he knows it is serious he thinks that you won't run away because you love him.

Why does a woman reconcile after three attempts to leave an abusive relationship?

Because the abuser makes the victim feel like they are and will be nothing without them. Its all about brainwashing, and making the victim fell dependant upon the abuser. No one should EVER stay in an abusive relationship, not even for the kids. That is the worst mistake someone could make. Abuser prey on the weak minded, however no one has to be weak minded, they ust have to learn how to survive on their own, and surviving on your own is possible.

How do you know when you've recovered from a past abusive relationship?

Barring incurring amnesia, it is impossible for a past abusive relationship to not have some effect. Definitions of recovery are, then, not absolute and are thus subjective. Some (but not all) abusive relationships create serious problems for the victim: nightmares, depression, possibly suicidal thoughts or irrational feelings of "the relationship will get better, (the abuser) and I will be happy if I become a better lover for them" that cannot be shaken, etc. Some might define having recovered, then, as no longer being plagued by these serious problems.

Do abusers sometimes threaten to end the relationship or pretend they aren't quite sure if they want you anymore?

Abusers are about control and mind-bending games. They love to "toy" with their victim (and you are a victim!) They are very unhappy with themselves and don't know why, so their pleasure is picking on the ones close to them. Even parents, children and the elderly can be mentally or physically abused. If any abuser threatens to end the relationship tell them to tie a red bow on their butt and head out the door or the victim should leave. Get rid of anyone that is abusive because they will seldom seek counseling and the environment will only get worse for the victim. If a victim chooses to stay with their abuser (women can be abusive to men as well) the victim will become isolated from family and friends and only have a life of misery. Love is not about hurting your partner.

Can you leave if you are in an abusive relationship and take your children?

AnswerSome women can, others can not. This is dependent on your situation, and the relationship that you have with your children. Often, if they are close to your abusive partner; taking them will not be an option. That would only become an option after a court case. Taking your children with you is often a favorable decision, especially if they are young. However, if taking them increases your chances of being hurt - do not do it. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim leaves, so do not place yourself in additional danger. You must assess the situation.

How are sociopaths in relationships?

Sociopaths are incapable of having healthy relationships. They cannot love, either. Instead, they try to turn anyone with whom they have a relationship into a victim. Their relationships are inherently abusive.

How does one deal with the anger they feel after an abusive relationship ends?

Victims of abuse suffer from many conflicting negative emotions: helplessnes, rage, self-chastisement, guilt, and so on. There are such a wave of emotions that an abuse victim go through after the relationship ends. For myself personally, being a believer in Christ, He bore the emotions I sustained and surpressed during my abusive relationship. I honestly don't know how I could have gotten through those emotions otherwise.

Why would a person be in an abusive relationship?

Answer: Because abuse is about control. The victim is in the relationship because they feel an emotional connection to the abuser and they have been "trained" to think that it's the victims fault. Answer: Most people don't have any idea that that's the kind of relationship they just got in or some people are really despereat

What would you do if one of your colleagues were a victim of an abusive supervisor?

I would tell the highest level of management.

How long does the abusive partner stay away?

Many abusive partners are controlling and use either verbal abuse (calling the victim names; taking away their self confidence and alienating them from family and friends) to physical violence (hitting; kicking; giving the victim any wound on their body; split lip; missing teeth; black eyes or broken bones.) Often the abuse goes unreported and some abusive partners will actually take their victim into the hospital for treatment, but the victim can be fearful or brain-washed into thinking they can't get along without their abuser and will lie to protect the very person who abused them. If the abusive person is forced to leave their victim alone by a court of law or imprisoned there is still a high risk that the abuser feels their partner (victim) is still their property and may well go after the victim once again. Unfortunately, some abuser will feel 'if I can't have them then no one else is' and murder is involved. In a few cases the abusive partner will just walk away and not enter the victim's life again.

How to realize that husband's abuse is cause of fight in relationship?

Many men in abusive relationships, are the instigators. They like to pick fights, they will keep "poking" at you till you snap and get mad at you and then blame you for the fight. This victim blaming keeps wives in the marriage. If you are being abused it is not your fault and you need to leave the relationship.

Why was Saint Monica the patron saint of abused victims and wives?

Monica, herself, was the victim of an abusive husband.

Why do some women stay in an abusive relationship?

The victim of abuse in a relationship often starts to feel the relationship is not right, but develops a futile and unhealthy hope and wish for it to become right. They have trouble acting on rational reality because their judgment to act in the interests of their own emotional health becomes infringed by the emotional intimacy inherent in every relationship (abusive or healthy). This wiki-answerer's belief is that the battered wife syndrome is pretty much the same emotional attachment every person in a relationship feels, the weirdness one feels in never having felt that way before and the way it changes a person's thoughts and actions ... but in an abusive relationship, the behavior of the other person and the unhealthy failing of the relationship twist that attachment to the other person. It is not a personal failing nor weakness on the part of the abuse victim. They are made emotionally unhealthy because the are emotionally attached to another person in an unhealthy relationship; they did not choose for the other person to abuse them and thus have absolutely no responsibility for the ill consequences to themselves that result.

What actors and actresses appeared in The Undocumented Victim - 2011?

The cast of The Undocumented Victim - 2011 includes: Oscar Avila as Abusive Husband Lorena Beltran as Josefina Alyssa Gutierrez as Angelica