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If someone dates you for five years but has not asked you to marry him should you leave him?

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July 15, 2015 7:43PM

There are a number of unknown factors here. Do you have common goals? Are you aware that he even WANTS to be married? Have you discussed marriage? How old are you both, and are you expecting too much at your age? Nevertheless, five years is enough time for you to know if he is right for you. If you think he is, and you can't wait any longer, and you have the nerve, and if you think it wouldn't disturb him in a major way, perhaps you would want to propose to HIM. If you have no intention of doing such a thing, then you must either 1) continue to wait, 2) ask him outright, 'what are your intentions?', or 3) move on. I wish you luck.

No, I don't think you should walk away from this relationship, but communicate to your partner that you want more from a relationship and a commitment. Some people fear marriage and as long as you conceal your true feelings this behavior will continue to go on. My own husband was shy, terrified of marriage and even managed to get out of his stag party. I basically told him I thought more of myself than to live with him without a commitment and he'd better think of things clearer, get advice from others and come back and discuss it with me. I didn't want to hound him and was willing to move on. I am happy to say he didn't want to lose me and we've been happily married for 33 years.

Marcy

I already left him. He said that he wanted to finish school before he even thought about marriage. He did not seem to want to get to know me or my friends. I have not really met his friends, either. He said, "We are going in two different directions and the worst problem is the long distance." Then he said he just cared about me. But then he said he was confused. I told him I won't be with someone who doesn't want me and left him. All this happened over the phone. It's been a week and I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. During our five year relationship, we have talked basically every day. I still love him but I feel like I'm fighting for not only for his love but also my self-respect. I have not imagined being with anyone but him but I'm 28 and he's reaching 30. I want to marry him and bear and raise my kids while I'm young enough to appreciate them. Part of me feels that this was the right decision but I really pray that he calls or shows up with a ring.

I do know how you feel and I am very proud you took that step. Many men are frightened of commitment and consider it takes away their freedom. It concerns me that he didn't really want to know your friends and for that matter doesn't appear he made much an effort to get to know you. After all, you have feelings too. Perhaps in your own heart you knew that he wasn't the right guy for you. You know him best, and you may see better things in him than the rest of us can see. He may still call, but you did a smart thing, so if he comes back it's because he loves you and if he should come back you set down the terms loud and clear.

I wish you good luck. Marcy