If somesome states they are living in an abusive relationship what abuses are being perpertrated against them with reference to physical mental verbal monetary abuse?

Answer 1

Answer

You sound like the type of person that disects problems to the inth degree, but, also you are curious enough to get to the bottom of it and hopefully try to help this person.

PHYSICAL could mean that this person is either beaten or is sexually abused and may have been since they were a child. Usually people that are abused when younger seek out partners that abuse (it's the only way of life they know and they have been brain-washed and had their confidence and dignity stripped from them.) I volunteer at an Abused Women's Center and I've seen everything from missing teeth, blackened eyes, broken bones, bruises and have seen on more than one occasion women who have had a botched job of their throats being cut. It's not a pretty sight. These women have scars all over their bodies and try their best to cover them up. They feel ashamed inside as if they should be doing more and fighting back harder, but the truth of the matter is, a man in most cases is simply stronger than a woman and it's been a man's world for far too long, so many laws will back him and not her.

MENTAL ABUSE can be almost as damaging as being sexually abused and it leaves just as many scars in an individual. When someone is mentally abusive the abuser berates their victim in front of others so they are sure their victim looks lesser in the eyes of others and they will constantly put them down in the privacy of their own homes often telling them they are pretty much rotten at everything they do (not true of course.) Abusers are controlling and their victim is often a prisoner of the very home they should feel safe in. The victim may not be allowed to see family or friends or even go out to a movie with friends. The abuser always has to be there. In some cases the abuser will ALLOW the victim to work, but will actually go so far as to figure out the distance from home to where she works and clock her! If she should be late because of something as simple as a traffic jam the fight is on and the abuser is in a "need to know" mode.

I would also like to add that abused women will often entice abusers to abuse her rather than the children. In other words take the focus point off the children and let the abuser go after her. Now that takes guts!

MONETARY abuse is when the abuser takes total control of the finances in the family and you can be sure the women and their children will see less of the money and the abuser will have all the comforts he wants (as far as their money will take them of course.) Usually if they own a home the abuser only has it in his name and in many cases the abuser doesn't want his victim to have a car. He will dole out every cent and probably check the grocery bill when she gets home from shopping (if he allows her to do that simple chore.)

It takes great courage for a victim of an abuser to leave her abuser and seek help, but there is help out there. There are the "Abused Women's Centers" that will take abused women in and send them off to a "safe house" where they will be protected, given counseling, and also in some cases legal counsel. Also women of abuse that have children have had the fight driven out of them, so they'd rather stay in the abusive situation then chance losing their children. These women are drained! Women of abuse are actually survivors and courageous and not weak at all. They do what they have to do to stay alive, and, if lucky, more and more are getting away from their abusers. The laws in the past have never protected women who were raped or abused in any other way, but those laws are changing quickly and especially in Canada. Groups of women such as myself and many others I know are making sure these laws are being changed and if it takes years of red tape so be it. One does not want to mess with a baby boomers or older women .... we're usually smarter, wiser and will fight to the finish.

Marcy