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This is a tough question without having more information. If you and your husband are getting along fairly well, but have a few problems, then try working them out. It's so easy to complain about each other, pass off blame, and grumble over a marriage rather than to sit down and start learning to communicate. By communicating we often are surprised just how that other person feels. In our fast-paced modern society it can be tough to find time to really sit and listen to your mate. My own opinion ... make the time! As we know while racing around every day life can slip through our fingers.

I've been married 33 years to a wonderful man, but, I have to be honest when I say there have been many times when I have thrown up my hands and wanted to walk out that door. It isn't into another man's arms, but I want peace and freedom. Then I get thinking about it all and I feel like slapping myself a good one, because "going wife deaf", not cleaning up after he shaves; gobs of toothpaste left in the bathroom sink; not replacing toilet paper; not putting the toilet seat back down, etc., is hardly room for leaving and I realize now these are some of the things I'd really miss if he should pass away on me. Oh yes, I can still get annoyed, but then I am so lucky to be with such a fine man and I do know I love him. No one said marriage or even a relationship would be easy.

If you feel the magic has gone out of your marriage, that he doesn't give you enough attention (no cuddling, etc.) then look at yourself as well. It's just not up to the man/woman to drape all over the other ... both must try.

The grass on the other side of the fence isn't always greener! Sit and really think of this and realize, that if you leave your husband for someone else you will more than likely hurt him so deeply you could well lose him for good. Then there is no going back.

In every marriage I am sure most of us feel that weak moment when things get us down that we would like to throw up our hands and leave to meet someone new and feel that old excitement we use to feel when we first met our husbands. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter who you end up with, that first part of excitement attached to a new relationship never lasts and something else (if we are willing to see it) the next phase in the relationship can be just as exciting, but more down to earth happens.

You don't even know how this other person feels and if they are married, back off! We are all in control of our own lives and we all have responsibilities and the one responsibility I don't often see out in society is caring about someone else's feelings.

You are the only one that can decide if you have tried in your marriage, made an effort to communicate your feelings to your husband and both of you have tried to make it work. If he's not willing or the both of you aren't then leave ... but don't drag another into your small world of irresponsibility until you have faced yourself and start to conquer your own short comings.

Usually when we want to leave a husband there are obviously some deep rooted problems we haven't dealt with and we have to be brutally honest with ourselves. If your husband is good to you, doesn't abuse you, has made every effort he possibly can then you are one lucky woman. You might not be so lucky the next time.

The decision is in your court.


AnswerI HAVE BEEN MARRIED 12 YEARS AND HAVE 4 KIDS. THERE IS A CHANCE THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS JUST NOT GIVING YOU A WHOLE LOT OF ATTENTION. YOU MET SOMEONE WHO YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO AND HE MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LOVE HIM ,YOU THINK ABOUT HIM ALOT. DONT TELL YOUR HUSBAND THIS.. TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU NEED HIM TO MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THINKING HE DOESNT LOVE YOU ANYMORE. YOU NEED TO MAKE HIM FEEL YOU SLIPPING SO HE WILL BE THE MAN YOU MARRIED AND BRING YOU DOWN TO REALITY.THINK OF THE OTHER GUY AS A FANTASY NOT ALL FANTASIES ARE MEANT TO COME TRUE.. I HONESTLY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BECAREFUL YOU MAY MAKE A MISTAKE. IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR THIS GUY HE MAY NOT BE ALL YOU THINK IN A RELATIONSHIP.MEN CHANGE ONCE THEY HAVE YOU......... AnswerFirst off thank you all for your viewpoints. Now a bit of clarification. I am a man. My spouse just ended a 4 month long affair in which she lied, cheated, and stole from our family to be with another man who in the end lied to her. We have been married for over 8 years and we are trying to make it work. But I honestly feel love for both individuals. The love for my wife is riddled with doubt, hurt, and pain but history. The love for another also contains some of the same but is filled with hope. I am truly torn, my heart in two different houses. AnswerI don't know about telling your spouse about falling for another.

All relationships go through changes, some good some bad. But all relationships go through hard times and easy times.

I myself know what your wife went through. I don't know her situation, or how things happened with this other man, but I can tell you having an affair is not easy or a picnic. Im sure she doesnt feel good about herself. And with Lying to you, the family, the money issue, etc, Im sure she is really beating herself up about everything.

I think individuals have affairs for many reasons. Maybe she felt ignored, not loved, bored, unattractive, maybe it started out as an emotional affair and turned more. I don't know. Each situation is different.

For me, I have been married 24 years. I have 4 great kids who I love and adore and wouldn't want to hurt them for the world. Two years ago, my marriage was following apart, things were tough at home, and I was being accused of having an affair when I wasnt. My husband accused me of talking/seeing an ex boyfriend of mine from high school that I hadnt seen in 22 years. I was sick of his accusations, and I did exactly what he thought I was doing, I called the guy.

I have never forgot about him, always thought "what if" regarding him. And with all the stress and so on going on in my life I called him. We reconnected, and it was like time stood still. I do love him, but I also love my husband. I don't want to hurt anyone, break up my family, but I do wish my husband would give me what I need in our relationship. Im in this marriage til the end, but don't make it a long death sentence. I want to feel loved, appreciated, told nice things, felt loved, and I want romance. That is one thing I have learned in my adventure down memory lane.

My advice to you...if you love her, show her...tell her..if you want it to work with her don't take her for granted..

AnswerThis is a dilemma that you will have to sort out with lots of thinking. Are you sure this is love. Are you possible not happy with something in your marriage and don't know it. Then you would be looking for outside happyness. If you are completely unhappy in your marriage and want to work it out then do that, if you don't then you do deserve to be happy and should tell your spouse before any feelings come about between you and your new interest. People get married for the wrong reasons sometimes and then realize that it just wasnt what they wanted. Be hones with yourself and other from start to finish and then you would agonize about it later. Be ready though for this to backfire on you too. Do you know if the other person loves you, too. What if you separate or divorce your husband to find out the other person isn't in love with you? Sit down and weigh all the options and do what is best for you with the least amount of hurt to be felt by all. Dont stay in a relationship that you are not happy in, we only live once and you do deserve to be happy. Good luck Answersay something AnswerDont ignore your feelings, they are just as important as everyone else's. Just take the time to sit down and weigh your options. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage and see no way of working it out or wanting to then go to your husband and be extremely honest with him before something goes on with the one you "love". You will feel better about that. There is not a book on how to have a perfect marriage or pick the best partner. Sometimes people just realize after-ward that it wasnt for them. Good luck.
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โˆ™ 2011-09-12 21:44:20
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Q: If you are married but have fallen in love with another should you tell this other person and your spouse or just ignore the feelings altogether?
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