In order to find out if he is gay, just ask. If he is a good friend he will be okay with it. Trust me...I have done it many times. If he asks you why, just say you were curious because you are interested in him.
It depends what you mean by "coming on too strong". Are you talking about meeting him at his job, stripping off your clothes and jumping on him? or are you thinking about asking him if he would care to go for a cup of coffee after work? Most guys are flattered by a little attention, and if you have a mutual friend whom you could talk to, it might help.
You need to be a grown-up. You have to get at least a hundred percent relationship if they are roomies or friends. You click on the friend and you'll see marry. You have to click that. If you do not have a strong relationship with them they will refuse and it will lower your relationship so you have to be very careful.
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