Asked in CheatingMarriageJohn Steinbeck
If your wife's story doesn't match the facts about her affair what can you or should you do?
March 19, 2005 7:50AM
If you and your wife have talked about her affair openly, and you have supposedly come to terms with it and things were going along fine, I would drop it. By bringing it up you are opening wounds. She is probably ashamed of herself and feels guilty for breaking the trust you had in her, and you've heard this quote before, "If you tell a joke, and another person tells someone else, and on and on, the jokes isn't even the same as when it was first told." The same with her story. If you keep bringing it up it shakes her up, and makes her nervous. Quit playing the detective and stop torturing yourself about why she did it and take a good look at yourself for a bit as I am sure there are a few things in your own personality you could change to strengthen your marriage. It takes two! Many of us make mistakes in this area and it could have been you that cheated and it could still happen anytime during your own life. You have a choice ... give her another chance and she should earn your trust or know in your heart you can't forgive her and don't trust her and move on. If you caught her in an affair this is a different matter. She didn't come clean and you simply caught her. Marriage is always worth saving and you know her best. Search your own soul to see what you could have done to make your mate a little happier. Did you take the time out for her when she needed it? Do you really listen to her needs? When did you last buy her flowers or told her how pretty she is. When was the last time you went out for dinner and dancing or out with friends to a nice club and some good fun? None of us are perfect. Marriage takes a lot of work. If you feel you were attentive enough and she seems to be inclined to look for love in all the wrong places, you are best to move on. Good luck Marcy P.S. It never ceases to amaze me that when men cheat it's considered natural and OK, but if a woman does she is branded for life! Think about that one! If you haven't I bet you know a buddy or two who has, and I bet you didn't say one word!