Asked in RelationshipsAbusive Relationships and Domestic ViolenceCheating
Is it common for the abused woman to start seeing other men behind her abuser's back?
December 08, 2008 11:32PM
No! If this person was truly abused they would be too terrified to try that one. If the abuser ever found out the victim's life would be worth little. A true abuser is a controller, thus the person would have little span to get out and meet other men. I have a question here ... if this person is so capable of searching for other men, then why doesn't she keep going and get away from her abuser? Think about that one! Marcy Marcy, you are wrong on that one! When I was married to an abusive husband I had an affair that lasted one year. There are many reasons why i stayed. If you work in the field of domestic violence you would know about Stockholm Syndrome, and the cycle theory of violence. You would also know that during the abusers silent treamtent phases. During this silent treatment is when I sought solace in the arms of another man. Sorry Marcy your just wrong on this one. I don't know if it's common, but it makes sense to me. It gives the abused person a sense of control when feeling helpless in a situation that's clearly out of control. Instead of seeing other men which could also be self-destructive, I would suggest you seek counseling and find a way to safely exit from the abusive relationship. Yes it is common, I will add more to this. When I was married I started seeing a wonderful man. Unfortunately I did not have the depth of feelings he had for me. However, he brought life into me again and made me see other people could treat me right. I was in a very abusive marriage and this was light at the end of the tunnel. The healthy thing would of been going to see a counselor but sometimes we don't always do whats best in the long run. The marriage I was in was horrible, a waking nightmare. He was addicted to crystal meth and hid it from me (the entire addiction) for three years until it became so obvious. He cold my car, spent all the money and often left me and my daughter without food. I was in university at the time. Then my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes. I was feeling very sad. Anyhow, he would call me names, lie compulsively, cheat, steal, follow, and hit. It was the worst time in my life. That was only nearly two years ago when i kicked him out. Since that i have got involved with a couple different men Three to be honest. All three have been possessive, controlling and jealous. I keep attracting the same type. Now is the time for me to get real and face this issue as I'm tired of the whole cat and mouse then you get the man and he turns out to be horrible.
The other part of this answer has been moved to the discussion page.