Narcissism
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Is it possible after your Narcissist dumped you for him to meet another girl and treat her well?

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2011-09-13 02:57:39

Narcissists have character flaws and it's about controlling

others around them and playing mind games. They feel they are much

more intelligent than most people and loathe those that they feel

are unintelligent (of course this is in their own minds.)

Narcissists are generally highly intelligent people, but don't have

the wisdom to use that intelligence in a good and productive

way.

No, it's doubtful the narcissist will treat any other woman any

different than they did you. At first the narcissist can be very

charming, giving, loving (they do love) but when one takes a closer

look they almost smother the person they are with with gifts, being

around all the time (at the beginning of their relationship.) This

is why so many people can get sucked into a relationship with a

narcassist because they love the attention they are getting and

feel that person truly loves them. Most women will think they have

hit the jack pot! This is the beginning of the end for the

relationship.

If you have been dumped by a narcissist then consider yourself

lucky. If you dumped the narcissist good for you!

"Answer" id="Answer">Answer

You weren't dumped, you were released from captivity.

Maybe this will help. When the narcissist I was dating finally

confessed that he had been seeing someone else, he was sure to let

me know that he was giving her exactly the things I had been asking

him for and that they got along better because she took much better

care of him than I did. He is really, in public, giving her the

princess treatment. But during the same conversation he also told

me that he wasn't happy with her sexually and about a sexual

problem that she had. Then he told me that what he would like to do

is to take a movie of me and show it to her so she would know what

sex is 'supposed' to be like. He finished up by telling me that he

had not had sex with her in 'a while' and that she hadn't even

asked him why. So here it is - on the surface this woman is being

treated like a blue ribbon poodle but in private he was already

cheating on her, back stabbing her, playing mind games where she

should know he has an issue without him having to discuss it with

her, and witholding sex. My issues were about abandonment so I was

heaped with silent treatment, missed dates, missed vacations,

refusing to spend time with me. I really shudder to imagine what

he's going to do to his new girlfriend. He can't mistreat her

publically as he did me because of her social position but I

believe he told me exactly what he is going to use against her

privately. He will manipulate the conversation so that she asks him

why they haven't had sex, then he will tell her it's because of HER

problem. He will not help her or support her and the more she tries

to please him, the more he will refuse to be pleased.

No matter how pretty it looks on the surface he is already

betraying her physically and emotionally. Actually it was this

conversation he had with me about his new girlfriend that made me

need to stay away from him more than I needed to want him back. I

just couldn't stand to watch what I am sure is going to be an

emotional train wreck happen to someone else.

I've asked myself this same question over and over. See? He

destroyed your self-esteem, and, deep down, what you're questioning

is this: can some other woman do what I couldn't -- make him happy

-- and that's why he's treating her better? Mine cheated on me with

a friend of mine, who was engaged to someone else at the time. I

believe the thrill for him was to lure this poor girl (though I'm

angry with her, she really has no idea what she got herself into)

away from her fiance and get her to call off her wedding. She did

just that. She already had her dress, an engagement party, and the

church was booked. Very shortly after this was all revealed, people

kept reporting to me how just how awful both of them looked (they

worked together, in an office that I had just left). A wise older

woman said to me: "I never saw the bloom come off the rose so

fast." The reason, I believe, that he looked so bad was because he

wasn't getting his Supply from her like he got in large quantities

from me. I was his best friend, his "mommy," his confidante, the

person to constantly validate him, tell him he's cute. She is a

very cold person, selfish, critical -- not a good source of Supply.

And, the reason, I believe, that SHE looked so bad is because

reality hit her: I dumped the love of my life (and he was) for THIS

GUY? He started off so exciting and full of promise, but, now he's

not like that and I want my other guy back. But I can't get him,

because I betrayed him so badly...After mine dumped me, (which came

as a huge shock to me, by the way, as we discussed marriage, looked

at houses to buy, and he had a young son who was very very attached

to me and performed several wedding ceremonies for us in the past),

I found out by a total fluke that he had been engaged to someone

whom he cheated on with his now ex-wife. My point: there's a

pattern. They're not loyal. They're addicts in search of better

sources of Supply. And by "better," I don't mean a better woman.

They also get bored so easily. No one can hold their attention for

long. You could be the most beautiful, exciting, and interesting

woman on the planet, but, you know what? He'd resent you for being

all of those things and for stealing the spotlight, just by being

yourself. You really can't please them, long-term. And who would

want to continue knocking themselves out to please someone who

doesn't even come close to doing the same? I hear the words "move

on" all the time, and it sounds callous. But, really, what can

people say other than that, if they've been a witness to how this

guy treated you? Moving on just means trying to find something

better for yourself, because you'll never get the love, attention,

support and loyalty from a narcissist that you offer to them.

You're the one who got burned. So try to find someone decent who

will be grateful that you are in his life.

"Answer" id="Answer">Answer

Oh they always make a point of parading their current idealized

objects of "affection" in front of the former companion who

"disapointed" him. It may look like she is treated like a princess

but its only a stage act and she is a prop. I had one who promptly

dumped me after three years of "friendship" because i was not

willing ot have sex with him. There was just something odd. (like

he was already married - i knew it but had no real proof) He

paraded this other girl around for about 6 months. And bought her

expensive gifts to prove to me see she gives me sex so i give her

what you allways wanted. It was over real quick about the same time

she lost her job where he and I worked. This was right after they

made "plans" to move in together. Supposedly because he didnt want

to get her pregnant (ya and he kept telling me he wanted to have my

baby) He moved to a new place and didnt tel lanyone. later i found

out his wife in another town cut off his finances and he was

evicted. Oh and the $700 necklace he got for his 6 month tart? (and

produced a "receipt" to prove it) the SAME neclace was found at

walmart for $29.95. and his marriage/divorce record showed up in

court recoards. he had been married for almost twenty years. (also

had married and divorced three wives before that each a year apart.

He kept saying he got a divorce in 2000 - which is true, but he

remarried the same woman 5 months later on what would have been

their 13th wedding aniversary. The guy quit his job for unrelated

reasons. Not sure it had to do with me completely ignoring him -he

had alienated so many people.

A narcissist cant really be nice to anyone (maintain a

"relationship") for more than 6 months. Their true colors show OR

they dump you unceromoniously for no reason. (seemingly) But it's

really that they cant go on with this fake false self image forever

and deep inside they may not realize, he is terrified you would

find out who he really is - nothing.

"Answer" id="Answer">Answer

One of my biggest fearsafter dumping my N. ex was that he would

meet a girl and treat her great and they would leave happily ever

after. I cried myself to sleep about this for months on end. I kept

having this fantasy in my head that MAYBE he WAS right and i was

the "crazy" one and the reason this relationship didnt work.

Finally, by the end, he of course turned me leaving him into HIM

leaving ME..and he said "we just don't get along, we have too many

problems". I tried not to laugh but I cant wait until he has those

SAME problems with someone else.

He also cheated on me and finally the "other girl" confronted me

- I knew who she was - he had cheated on me with her about a bozen

time, she was his back up source. Anyway, this particular time they

were only "hooking up" for about a month or so and she told me he'd

call her accusing her of "cheating" on him and just acting like a

complete ass..after a MONTH. He wasn't even TRYING to woo her. So

yes, they will treat their next victim, oops I mean girlfriend, the

same way, if not WORSE. I know in the case with my ex N., he's an

angry, angry and miserable guy and he's gonna be even more angry

and miserable because I left him and he didn't have control over me

anymore.


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