Mental Health
Teen Dating
Sociopathy (Psychopathy)
Emotions

Is it possible for a sociopath to feel love and if he does and says it is it likely for him to become distant and silent?

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November 08, 2011 9:05PM

No, he cannot be in love or feel love. Sociopaths are totally lacking in that emotion.

Yes, he may become distant and silent, for that very reason. Or he may become controlling and abusive.

Sociopaths are incapable of love. They can't even love themselves. They are powered by rage and resentment. Their rage is often well hidden in everyday contact with other people.

Joncey

Added comments: SabrinaSingularity.

Don't assume that anyone is a psychopath based only on the person'sapparent attitude and behavior. It is far more complex than that,including factors in the pattern of the person's life and many othercharacteristics.

Please don't go around assuming or calling someone apsychopath just because he/she may have some of the warning signs.

For information on what the warning signs are, look up other questionswith answers on sociopaths, psychopaths, and antisocial personalitydisorder herein.

Geta professional opinion from a qualified mental health professional ifyou think you are involved with a psychopath. And then ask what to do,not only for the psychopath but for yourself, because being involvedwith a psychopath is risky.

And what then? Only time will tell.

The newest breakthroughs yield enormous insight into this perplexingand devastating condition that plagues four percent of the populationand causes those persons to plague everyone else!

Almost everyone in the world -- except psychopaths (sociopaths) anda few others, such as those with ADD -- has a neatly organized way ofstoring information in the brain. Your left hemisphere handles suchthings as speech, logic, and sequential thinking. It helps you keepthings in order. Meanwhile, your right hemisphere handles such thingsas appreciation of (or creation of) art, symbols that evoke emotion,and the way one puts together in the present time all the pieces of theworld around him or her as far as it is known.

But NOT if you're a sociopath.

Studies (see the masterful work "Without Conscience" by Robert D.Hare, PhD.) have now conclusively demonstrated that the way suchinformation is stored in the brain of a sociopath is not at all likethe way it is for others. Instead of things being organized into thosespecific regions in one or other of the brain's two hemispheresdepending upon the type of information it is, the sociopath has a brainthat operates a little bit like a computer hard drive: it breaks alldata down into tiny fragments and stores it all over the place and inboth hemispheres. Thus, to retrieve any given segment is formidable andleads to omissions and errors far more often than most peopleexperience:

(Patient in an inpatient unit, to an NP who is organizing anouting.) "No, I'm not going out with you guys this time, and I'm goingto buy some magazines when I'm there." HUH???? This kind of thing, asHare demonstrates, happens all the time.

Clinicians give numerous (including some erroneous) reasons for notwanting to treat sociopaths, and one of the more surprising ones isthat it's very difficult at times to make sense of what the patient issaying.

Unlike the jumbled mess of a schizophrenic's speech, thesociopath's speech makes sense within the fragments, but when theseparts of speech are strung together, they are often jarringlyincompatible. Did the sociopath in the inpatient hospital intend to goout and buy some magazines? Or did she decide to stay in? She seemed tothink she could do both at the same time. If the NP who had asked herwas astute enough, she might've said, "Miss Smith, if you don't want togo out, why don't you write down what you want us to pick up and giveus the money to buy it?" Although that's a realistic way to do boththings at the same time, one might wonder why the patient didn't justsay so in the first place!

When you speak, your brain is going through a staggering feat ofjuggling and data-organization at a speed that makes broadband looklike a snail trail. If your cerebral cortex is storing your vocabularyand the related ideas behind it, as well as all of the other numeroustypes of information it must handle, in the right places, this isn't sohard; if your brain has to fumble all over the place for tiny fragmentsof data and try to assemble it fast enough to keep up with yourconversation, it is not going to be easy -- and trained professionalswill know that something, at least, is awry.

So, now scientists know that the seemingly meaningless and frequentlies that the sociopath tells may not all be actual lies. Some arelies, particularly in sociopaths who have broken the law and are tryingto charm or bully their way out of trouble. But some -- especiallyimpulsive-sounding bragging or announcements of lofty intent ("I'mgonna get out of this bugbox and write a best-selling novel, climbMount Everest, and go work for NASA!") -- are not intended to deceiveothers so much as to tell them "I want to do something with my life!"But, sadly, lacking the means and wherewithal to do this, the sociopathwill undoubtedly end up in trouble all over again.

Thenear-constant state of frustration and dissatisfaction felt by a truepsychopath is the source of not only their rages but those eerie,on-and-off-like-a-faucet tears. (Yes, tears are seen even in some men,though of course still more common in children and women.)

Another comment, from the diagnosed "primary psychopath" who wrote much but not all of the text that follows [EXCEPT the input from the other two sociopaths]:

The last time I tried that tears bit, I got "stuck" crying and couldn't stop for most of THREE DAYS!!! Now I avoid it at all costs.

Don't assume that anyone is a psychopath based only on the person'sapparent attitude and behavior. It is far more complex than that,including factors in the pattern of the person's life and many othercharacteristics.

Please don't go around assuming or calling someone apsychopath just because he/she may have some of the warning signs.

For information on what the warning signs are, look up other questionswith answers on sociopaths, psychopaths, and antisocial personalitydisorder herein.

Geta professional opinion from a qualified mental health professional ifyou think you are involved with a psychopath. And then ask what to do,not only for the psychopath but for yourself, because being involvedwith a psychopath is risky.

And what then? Only time will tell.

And some people have said that the only way to persuade a sociopath or psychopath to seek help is by threatening him/her with DEATH!!

One way -- or another...

And the main reason sociopaths don't usually seek help from their fellow human beings is that they can'ttrust, rather than that they like being as they are. Plus, they canoften sense exactly what sort of a response any call for help on theirpart is most likely to elicit from professionals and lay folk alike.

Sociopaths are not breezing along in paradise. It isn't all a game.It's a truly miserable existence. And it can be made better. It may notbe "curable" yet, but it most certainly isn't as hopeless as so manypeople say. There is therefore nothing to be gained and much to be lostwhen therapists and lay folk try to ostracize sociopaths from the humanrace entirely! Sensationalism and superstition will only preventprogress.

This was written on another question on the same essential topic as this one, by a self-confessed sociopath who was officially diagnosed (other than me!) --

  • Sociopaths, though born that way, are people too. To avoid anentire group of people is absurd. That's like saying, "Since thesepeople have dark skin, everyone should completely avert themselves fromthem." I am a moderate sociopath, and though part of me doesn't want tochange, another does. Many times it is really entertaining to see howstupid people can be, especially when they're so gullible as to believeevery word that mellifluously flows from my lips. Yes, I am parasitic,but even so, there are some people I would like to stop hurting. Ican't find any websites that can provide a way to help my sociopathy.Maybe people like you should stop your self-victimisation and starttrying to actually help people like me! I knew I was a sociopath beforethe age of ten but have only recently had it officially diagnosed. I ameighteen years old now, and I have been lying and destroying others'sanity for a long time. So, please post some helpful tidbits that mighthelp sociopaths resist the sweet urges we get when we encounter weakhuman beings. When you cut us, do we not bleed? When you kill us, do wenot die? Do you honestly think that you're being lied to andmanipulated when we sincerely ask for help. Listen to yourselves! Thisis the internet; ergo, you're safe from our fortified mental grasp.

The essay that follows was written in another answer by anotherself-admitted sociopath, who actually might not be a sociopath. Stillanother person added the brief comment to that effect after her tragic essay.

  • umm... i kindof am one... just so y'all know, it's not so muchfun being one either. i read that sentence up there, "Incapable of realhuman attachment to another." i don't even know what that is, i see it,i approximate it... it's like being outside a door looking through adirty window and watching re-runs of people I've seen in love or withchildren or with friends, and scratching, sometimes banging at theglass to get in and... nothing. I'm fond of people in every sense ofthe word, their little quirks and habits, the way they see life, exceptif they went away it wouldn't bother me much other than finding someoneelse to be fond of. i don't have friends, i only date military menbecause they're ok with only having a girlfriend for a couple monthsand i tell them in advance i won't wait for them... i don't know whatelse to do to limit the damage i inflict on others just as a result ofthem knowing me, short of moving to the mountains... but i still movebetween 2-5 times a year :( it's kindof hard walking around knowingi'll never have what i see making other people so happy and runningwhen i can tell someone is getting close just because i don't want tohurt them more later down the road... i'd like it alot to settle down,i WANT to be able to feel more with people, but it's hard to miss whatyou never had. i want what i THINK it would feel like... it'd be easyto give in and let someone stay because I'm so lonely... but hey, i'vewritten enough, just know i try to be a responsible little sociopath, iwon't ever get married or have kids, i practice safe sex, i won't stayin one city for long... everything you all take for granted i willnever let myself have just because i WANT to take it for granted. beinglike this won't go away so hopefully i can limit the amount of hatethrown my way by limiting my interaction with people, i don't know whatelse to do. and you all might not belive this, but i am sorry,hopefully i can speak for the other people who have damaged your lives.

Comment: The above testimony is clearly not indicative of asociopath because she seems to make efforts to keep from harmingothers, even if it doesn't benefit herself.

There are several other self-admitted sociopaths on WikiAnswers, some of whom have answered questions on these issues with detailed answers. I'm not the only one, not the first, nor will I be the last...

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