I am assuming this elderly lady is black. I am so sorry to hear about this and no, I don't blame her. You are a kind person and doing your best so your heart is in the right place. Please understand this lady is angry that SOME MAN (not just a white man) took her husband's life and she's lost the love of her life and is afraid on top of it. She knows she will miss him and be lonely, but more than anything she is going through a natural grieving process. Black, white, Asian, etc., we all mourn for the one's we love that are taken by death. There is no special time an individual will get over mourning. It could be months or in some cases years. In the case of this lady I feel in a few months she'll feel somewhat better and a little calmer. In grieving one is in shock, then fear, then denial, anger and feeling useless to the fact she can't get her husband back and wanting to kill the very man that killed her husband. She is left feeling defenceless and distrusting every white person around including the law and the court system and after all, who could blame her after a history of the way blacks have been treated. I am sure the man will be caught and punished and perhaps then this lady will realize the laws apply to everyone in this day and age and not just to the white people. No matter how many decades go by many Black Americans or (Blacks) will always remain true to their own heritage and when there is trouble they will reach out to their family members and black friends and God, for it's those three things that made them strong to this day. Give her time and meanwhile, if you have a wife or girlfriend that is calming, mature have her go over to the house with perhaps a nice cake or pie to sit and talk with this elderly lady. It is going to take a kind and sympathetic woman to get close to her. To me this elderly lady didn't get where she is today from being weak and it's all about grieving. In time she'll get over hating all white men and realize there is bad/good in every race. For now leave boxes of groceries outside of her home (canned goods, flour, sugar, coffee, ... things that won't spoil if left outside for a bit.) Don't put your name on it and don't push to see her at this point in time. YOU did nothing wrong, but she's too upset to think straight right now. She will probably still have a trial to attend yet and perhaps after that she will have the chance to sit and think about what has transpired. Have patience. You are a good person and there is no doubt in my mind you can make a big difference in this lady's life. I find God works in mysterious ways and perhaps he is leaving the best for last for this dear elderly lady .... YOU!