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Is it wrong to want to make amends with your abuser?

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Wiki User
2005-09-29 22:33:58
2005-09-29 22:33:58

it's not wrong but it can be harmful to you. think of the reason why you feel the need to make up with this person. is it because you don't want to be alone? have you become dependent of this person? believe in yourself and the dreams you have of doing good in life. people will come and go in life but theres only going to be one you in your life. make it count for something. ctr

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Abuser of what? drugs or you? Convince them to go to anger management, or rehab. talk to them and try to make them stop.

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Yess... that's they're way of expressing the hurt caused by the abuser in their time of rage. But to stay in this state is unhealthy. Allow them to vent, reassure your forgiveness and love and make happy memories.

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The person is probably upset with you for something but either wants you to figure it out yourself and make amends or does not want to start a fight.

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The word 'amends' mean whatever problem or problems you have had with another person has been resolves or forgiven and it's behind you and they want to continue on with the relationship.

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Writing an apology letter for an accident you caused can be good for you and for the victim. It allows you to apologize sincerely, make amends, as well as make the victim feel like you care and want to make it right.

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Unfortunately, if they don't think that they are, you won't be able to convince them. Try to reason with them if you can about how their abuse hurts others. Try to tell them that they can change their ways and get help if they want to.

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Why would you want to contact your abuser is the best answer to your question? It's probably best if you sever all ties to an abuser. Instead find a good therapist and start going to a twelve step group like Co-Dependents Anonymous.

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You can't lead or make an emotional abuser do anything and that's why they are called "emotional abusers." They feel they are OK and everyone else is off base. They know what they are and they doubt themselves and this person has had plenty of time to get help, but doesn't obviously want it. The best thing you can do is leave!

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Several different reasons. One could be because the abuser has such a hold on the abused that they stay because they think that the abuser is the only person that will want them. There is also fear that if the abused left the abuser would hunt them down and make them pay for leaving in the first place. If you asked 10 different abused people why they stay (stayed) in they're abusive relationships I can almost promise you'll get 10 different answers. In some cases the abused person believes that she/he can fix the abuser, or for complex reasons might even feel guilt about leaving the abuser.

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Who would want to know about that? Look it up on other websites.

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Always be respectful when writing your letter. Let the judge know the reason you feel you should be granted an early release in detail. Also talk about your remorse and how you want to make amends.

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You should go see the abuse counselor first and get some idea of what he or she is able to do for you. Once you get some positive, constructive tools in dealing with abuse and can show (maybe) that you are trying to help the abuser as well as the abused, the family member may realize that you are not just trying to make the abuser look bad. ~ T

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STEP Nine of the 12-Step Program says, "Made direct amends to such people [I've harmed] wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Making amends is something all recovering addicts need to become good at. It's also something that every Christian needs to become adept at - every human being is called to such a task; a noble one in human terms because it's a divine mandate. Making amends, or otherwise, restitution, makes right (or better) what was wrong, where it's possible. Sometimes it isn't possible, so repentance (the commitment not to do it again) or forgiveness are the only actions available. But where it is possible, it ought never to be done at the risk of hurting other people. Making amends is a loving activity and if our making amends hurts people we've failed love. These are some considerations to ensure the making of our amends doesn't make things worse: 1. Our motives for making amends must always be checked. If it's really to make us feel better we have more thinking to do. But if we make amends in the hope the other person/people will benefit, we have the right bearing to begin with. 2. Once we have the right bearing, next we have the opportunity of prayer; to carry the item of restitution with us for a time. It could be days. It could be months. We're in a position where we can't afford to get the approach and delivery wrong. 3. Test the water. We ought to gauge whether they're in the right position for our making of amends. We can do that by giving them a little heads-up; some idea of what we'd like to do, to find out if it were to be permissible to them. 4. Sometimes the truth will hurt no matter how or when it's told. But if we're the perpetrators of the hurt, we'll do all we can to set up the communication of truth so it protects others, even if that means we have to pay those costs. The simple fact is the truth is more important than the perpetrator's own protection. 5. At other times we'll figure that making amends isn't possible for the time being, or perhaps ever. Too much risk for collateral damage exists. But a making amends that's viable at all times is simply doing our best to bless the other person's life. 6. Blessing another person's life is a matter of interceding for them in our daily prayers, as well as seeking to please them any way we can. If we've hurt someone significantly we owe them our safety - to be a safe (non-combative) and affirming influence in their lives. Blessing another person is about relieving burdens, not adding to them. 7. Making significant amends is also a commitment to never hurt this person (or people) like this ever again. This, many times, is a thorough daily re-commitment. In making amends we must never make things worse. We must not traumatise people. Making amends is improving someone's life, not making their lives worse.

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It depends on the individual man. If a man made a mistake (example: had one affair only) it is possible that he does want to make amends, but once the bond of trust is broken it will take months to possibly a year or more for his wife and family members to trust him again and he will have to earn that trust. If a married man is noted for cheating or doing something else to hurt the family over and over again then it is not likely he will keep his word even though he may well want too.

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because he does bad stuff and his mind gets sickness which gets him to do things he dosent want to

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Yes. Many drug users want to conceal the fact that they are using. When confronted about it, they feel as if their secret is out. In addition, the drugs themselves make them irritable and angry.

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This is not only very unlikely, but could have some very violent results. Abusers usually stay away from other abusers, as they are difficult to control. The abuser may accuse the victim of being the abuser, but this is not the case. I will assume that your diagnosis is current, however, for this question. An abuser would marry another abuser due to a history of abuse in childhood. The initial abuser would be very confused. Having grown up in an abusive environment, he has witnessed both the victim and the abuser. The child usually grows up to become one of these two options. In this case, it appears that the child grew up to become both. If this is the case, the abuser will be very confused and will probably have a split personality in which he either plays the role of the abuser or the victim. The problem will come when both abusers want to play the 'abuser' role, and neither feels like playing victim. This could become very dangerous.

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* Make a point of looking for this girl and apologizing to her and tell her your mind was on something else and you didn't mean to ignore her. The fact you recognized you did ignore her and want to make amends with her shows how mature you are and that you understand people have feelings and they hurt easily.

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I think yes, it's nothing wrong, unless you want to push her to make sex with you

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It means they are sorry for what you think is wrong however they do not know what it is nor do they think they did wrong. So basically they are saying sorry because they think that is what you want to hear and will make things better but don't think they did anything wrong.

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Well, you don't want to make it seem like you are lying to him so just tell him that it is personal.. or you don't want to talk about it.

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- Jealousy , Control Issues , They See Themselves As The Victim They Just Want To Control Something That They Know They Can Control .

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If you were wrong, seduce him. Make a (reasonable) fantasy come to life. Make it unexpected, do it with all your heart and most of all, do it cuz you want to.


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