I have no idea why you are thinking along these lines regarding marriage. You sound young and as far as I know, women are much more independent. Some have careers and keep them while married, also raise their children and have help from their husband in raising those children and cleaning the house. There are more women out working than staying home in these modern days. Whether you have a boyfriend, living with a guy or get married there is no real different with the exception of committing yourself in front of God (if you so choose) and actually make a commitment in life. If you love someone that shouldn't be a problem. There is nothing in those marriage vows that say you can't be a career woman, attend college, take night courses, still raise children and by the way ... raising children is the biggest challenge in ones life and far harder than a career. Women that stay home and look after their kids should get a medal for what they do. They mold young people into good citizens that may be running our country one day. If you are planning on marrying someone soon, or just curious, then you have to get your head out of the sand and realize you are in control of your life. You can talk to your fiance and simply tell them that for a few years you would like to keep working, build on your career, still have children, but continue on with your career. Most men are usually agreeable and there are many working couples out there. It's the quality of time you spend with your children and not the quantity. One can be around their children 24/7 and never make a dent in forming a relationship with them. A hard working mother (whether it be a career or just the fact she has to work to feed her kids) can have "fun times" in their home (it takes effort and a passionate love for your kids) and that's quality time. You can have your marriage almost anyway you want it, but you are going to have to be sure and make it loud and clear to your fiance what you want in marriage and then be sure to ask him what he would like. If the two of you disagree then simply don't get married. I've been married for 33 years and my husband have had our bad times, but many happy ones too. We work together to get through our problems, love each other passionately, are honest and considerate of each other; have much laughter in our lives, and small families (dear to us) and many friends. It doesn't matter if you are married or not, bad times hit us all and there is no race limit, culture, age limit ... it just happens. So marriage isn't the culprit here at all. If you think you can swing into a marriage, lay back popping chocolates, do as you want anytime you want, then you are never going to be happy. Anything worth having is worth working for!!!! All marriages are different. I am a married woman, we don't want kids, I am a full time student and he's in the military so he does most of the housework when I have midterms and finals and I do most of the houework when he is stressed out from military stuff. We are also very independent- two summers ago he let me take an eight week vacation in Europe with my cousin and this summer I am going to do two internships in the Balkans. Similarly he has spent two months each in Japan and Greece. I would kill myself if I had to live the way you describe, which is why I don't want kids. But depending on your husband you can have any lifestyle the two of you choose! I love being married- always have a date on Friday night, always have someone to sleep with, talk to, hang out with.
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