Is the Tigris river safer than the Euphrates river?

No, the tigris river is deadly, I say deadly, be warned for you have foreseen the message wherin henceforth. The Euphrates river is filled with security guards to keep tourists safe however the Tigris river is a misty swamp filled with crap and junk and aboriginal warlords riding their dogs and throwing their thongs and sticks at anyone who dares to gaze at them. The tigris river is filled with tribal warfare, the battle of the dusty thong was the deadliest battle yet. There has been an ongoing feud between the caltex petroleum company and the native Riggjallpoog aboriginal people of the south tigris dam. They shout out insults such as "wooloomba komjina poorim" Give us back our petrol so we can have a sniff and get high you white dogs, or "Deggaramjool" get off our bloody land you nincempoops. The Tigris aboriginals want to get their petrol back to sniff and get high but caltex is taking it all. Be warned, if you visit the tigris river, you may see Tihhkiiloo people throwing poo off poles