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Is the contempt the narcissist feels for his partner based on a real or imagined inferiority?


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2012-12-17 01:48:03
2012-12-17 01:48:03

Narcissists can feel contempt for many people and not just their spouse. They have a high regard for themselves and feel they are more intelligent than the rest of the world and become extremely impatient if they feel the person they are talking too isn't "getting it." They may be great chameleons and get along with coworkers, but inwardly feel that person is a total fool. They know who is boss in their workplace and will follow orders, but if they have a chance they will "go for the gold" thinking they are far better at that particular job. Some people label these types as "over-achievers." Narcissists are extremely complex people. Some actually do love their spouse and children and do strive to be a good person in their community, but they also strive for an inhuman level as far as intelligence and control. According to most narcissists they feel they are far more superior than most people they are around. The truth of the matter is, that narcissists are extremely clever, but misuse this God given right. Narcissists are always into competition and that includes their spouse. It's more of a vicious mind game than having a real or imagined inferiority complex. Narcissists don't feel inferior at all! Bottom line, they need psychological help, but because narcissists ride on the great back of ego they will rarely ever seek counseling.

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Not likely. The narcissist is more likely to be addicted to himself.

Narcissists need to always be complimented; dramatize their lifestyle or indeavors;adored; admired, etc., and it's 'running out of supplies' for the narcissist when they want to come back to the partner they were with. This means the narcissist is not being supplied to boost his or her's ego and they know they can more than likely get the boost (like a drug addiction) from their former partner.

From my own experience a narcissist will never change. Theyre emotional vampires, never happy however much another person tries to give them.

A true Narcissist wants as many partners as possible, IF all of them idolize the Narcissist. The above answer is correct they do want as many partners as possible. That way if one partner doesn't work out the way narcissist wants he/she has another lined up and ready to go. If you suspect you are with a narcissist-run! Do yourself a favor and get as far away from them as possible. If you ask your narcissist if there is anyone else they will lie to you so you don't leave. Be sure of it as they are all pathological liars. That is one of the many horrible traits of narcissism.

He might, but it wouldn't be because of his narcisism. The true narcissist cares about his partner's feelings only to the extent that they reflect on him. The old joke is apt. "But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"

No narcissist are too full of themselves to care fir others or miss them

There are technical differences, but it is largely a matter of degree. Neither is likely to ever be a decent partner.

They need someone who is as focused on them as they are on themselves. So they'd be better off with someone with really low self esteem, or just someone who is a real giver, and wouldn't mind never getting anything in return.

It is what they do. Why do flies fly? That is what you would expect them to do. They are very self centered. That is why you don't get involved with people like that.

as in "throw pies at her"? It's not the favoured method of humiliating people in real life but I suppose it could happen.

I have heard of men having sympathy pains during pregnancy.Whether they are real or imagined I do not know. My husband never had any.

To believe in him requires you to trust with your heart. But if in your heart you believe otherwise, follow your instinct.

No, my advise is to stop hoping they will realize everything they have lost. Move on. They are mentally ill.

Unfortunately, narcissism is a life long disease. If your partner is clinically narcissistic, there is very little hope of him or her ever changing.

yes, narcissistic people feel that themselves are the center of everthing, but at the end of the day.. everyone needs someone!

Because you believe the best in people and take them at face value. You believe in giving praise and encouragement instead of criticism. I have been married to a narcissist. It was my second marriage and lasted 9 years and he has just cheated on me and lied to me in ways I find unbelievable. he is now busy in his new fantasy land relationship, denigrating me. Fortunately I have lots of friends who have realised what he was like and are keeping me sane. He has been through strings of relationships. I know I am fortunate I can walk away but he filled my life.On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically "binds" with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The narcissist puts on his best face ? the other party is blinded by budding love. A natural selection process occurs only much later, as the relationship develops and is put to the test.Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself ? while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist. The partner is, thus, placing himself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her partner, being superior in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, financially).The status of professional victim sits well with the partner's tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the narcissist is, as far as the partner is aware, a just punitive measure.In this respect, the partner is the mirror image of the narcissist. By maintaining a symbiotic relationship with him, by being totally dependent upon the source of masochistic supply (which the narcissist most reliably constitutes and most amply provides) ? the partner enhances certain traits and encourages certain behaviours, which are at the very core of narcissism.The narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self-denigrating partner. His very sense of superiority, indeed his False Self, depends on it. His sadistic Superego switches its attentions from the narcissist (in whom it often provokes suicidal ideation) to the partner, thus finally obtaining an alternative source of sadistic satisfaction.It is through self-denial that the partner survives. She denies her wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, sexual, psychological and material needs, and much else besides. She perceives her needs as threatening because they might engender the wrath of the narcissist's God-like supreme figure. The narcissist is rendered in her eyes even more superior through and because of this self-denial. Self-denial undertaken to facilitate and ease the life of a "great man" is more palatable. The "greater" the man (=the narcissist), the easier it is for the partner to ignore her own self, to dwindle, to degenerate, to turn into an appendix of the narcissist and, finally, to become nothing but an extension, to merge with the narcissist to the point of oblivion and of dim memories of one's self.The two collaborate in this macabre dance. The narcissist is formed by his partner inasmuch as he forms her. Submission breeds superiority and masochism breeds sadism. The relationships are characterised by rampant emergentism: roles are allocated almost from the start and any deviation meets with an aggressive, even violent reaction.The predominant state of the partner's mind is utter confusion. Even the most basic relationships ? with husband, children, or parents ? remain bafflingly obscured by the giant shadow cast by the intensive interaction with the narcissist. A suspension of judgment is part and parcel of a suspension of individuality, which is both a prerequisite to and the result of living with a narcissist. The partner no longer knows what is true and right and what is wrong and forbidden.The narcissist recreates for the partner the sort of emotional ambience that led to his own formation in the first place: capriciousness, fickleness, arbitrariness, emotional (and physical or sexual) abandonment. The world becomes uncertain and frightening and the partner has only one thing to cling to: the narcissist.And cling she does. If there is anything which can safely be said about those who emotionally team up with narcissists, it is that they are overtly and overly dependent.The partner doesn't know what to do ? and this is only too natural in the mayhem that is the relationship with the narcissist. But the typical partner also does not know what she wants and, to a large extent, who she is and what she wants to become.These unanswered questions hamper the partner's ability to gauge reality, evaluate and appraise it for what it is. Her primordial sin is that she fell in love with an image, not with a real person. It is the voiding of the image that is mourned when the relationship ends.ANSWERYou may have been raised by a narcissistic parent which makes you a magnet for them.Ive been raised by a narsistic father and mother and brother and sister!And i always seem to attract men into my life that are narcisists, and i don't get itWhy do you think if you have been raised my a narcissistic parent you become a magnet for them?? pls explaine, Ta :)

they dont like the idea of ageing, therefore dont like it when their partner shows signs of ageing, it reminds them of their immortality.

He/she picks a partner based on how much narcissist supply that person has to give. It may come in the form of sex, the attention of being with an attractive person (if you're hot), or using that person for something they have like a beach house and the narcissist will be able to go there for free with the mate. A narcissist might choose a mate that is known in the community as successful. Being associated with someone even slightly famous is narcissist supply for them. So if you've got something to give and the narcissist knows it--be it money, sex, adulation, good looks, a beach house, a Paris apartment, celebrity--they'll be all over you.

I am not sure what you mean by "create" a partner. The minute you stop providing a narcissist with Narcissistic Supply - the minute you start criticizing him and disagreeing with him - he leaves and looks for alternative and more pliable sources of supply. I think it's possible anyone would do that if the old partner was clinging too long (why? WHY would anyone cling to someone who wants to leave them?). It's not healthy or laudable, but it's understandable. A Narcissist is more likely to invent an imaginary partner to make the old partner jealous either: a) To punish b) To reawaken the relationship If I understand your question correctly....YES! Maybe not invent from scratch but they will develop this whole scenario with someone they know... They start to talk about this person like they've known them all their lives....that all their exchanges were SO DEEP...etc... get rid of them

Narcissists use projection. It's a safe bet that if they are accusing you of cheating, lying, hiding, etc., they are the guilty ones.

A - How do you know they are narcissist? B - Why do you assume that the friend doesn't already know? C - Why do you think they might want to know? D - Is it any of your concern? If you can satisfactorily (and honestly) answer those questions then yes, tell the friend, otherwise leave the matter lie.

No. If a judge has said that then to do so would be in violation of the court's instruction (contempt of court).

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