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Answered 2007-10-23 21:02:59

The girl i really loved and got away is always first in my heart. As long as I'm not in another relationship she could walk in my life anytime. And she did and were currently getting along great. We split on bad terms the first time. True love will climb the wall. You can only abuse a person's love so long and then they build a wall around them to protect themselves. Unfortunately, some people never see what's right in front of them that's the most important thing in their life until it's too late. Sorry, but this wasn't meant to work out and this guy is long gone. Marcy I would disagree, if someone doesn't love you any more then it means they never did, if this guy claimed to be in love with you it means he was just in lust, Are you really in love with him? would you still feel this way about him if he had no legs or something? I agree with Marcy. When you are madly in love with a person and they either don't feel the same and/or abusive, you build up a wall. Over time the love you had for that person goes into such a state of disrespect as you know that person would not protect your heart. Unfortunately, many people do not realise this until the person hurt has left them. ---- == "The demand to be safe in relationship inevitably breeds sorrow and fear. This seeking for security is inviting insecurity. Have you ever found security in any of your relationships? Have you? Most of us want the security of loving and being loved, but is there love when each one of us is seeking his own security, his own particular path?" for full text, see link "JK on Love" on left I found 'JK on love' a good read and there is some truth to it, but you can take any subject and break it down right and left and come up with a big fat zero which appears to prove 'there is no love.' While I agree that since man no one has been able to define love. We each must seek what we feel is love and it can be very difficult. However, people that dissect every feeling there is re love, feelings of guilt, feelings of independence, etc., are like some scientists so into the subject and so intent on finding the answer they miss the point which a 5 year old could pick up quite easily because they are innocent and have not experienced what life can throw at them and clutter up their wee minds. Because it's right before our noses and because an adult brain is so complex and so riddled with what one has experienced we don't see things as clearly and innocently as a child. Love then begins to become complex. Why? Because we feel we are adults and have all the answers. Instead of moving with the wind we're moving against it in many cases. We simply expect too much from others and when they fail to meet our standards then the love for that person can wane or, one can leave the other or the two splitup. Each individual has to learn to be a leader in some things in their life and not a follower. No one has the right to tell another they are seeking love in all the wrong ways. We love, but sometimes are not loved back and it's this very subject that we must remain strong and realize there is someone out there that is meant for us and to have the strength to keep going until we find each other in this large world. Love is not perfection! I'm 65 years old and certainly wondered myself what love is. I've been hurt by love, but popped back up like a spring board and continued on with life. I didn't dissect love, but used my common sense to know it when I saw it. Did sex rule my life? Absolutely not. That in itself is a fallacy. One never went blind without sex. I never slept around for the sake of sex, but was very selective. I was married once, it failed because I didn't get the respect from my first husband. Was I expecting too much? No! I gave respect and expected it back and when he didn't deliver and cheated on me I was very independent and moved on. Was I searching for love; trying to find out if there was such a thing ... no! I am a laid-back person and get on with the beauty and joys of this world and worked hard, helped others, stopped and smelled the flowers and was happy. I learned that not everyone is as strong as myself and that they need help and may be down on their luck and by helping them in any way I can (volunteering or just a friend) it fills my heart with joy and yes, love for that person. When I give I give without strings attached. I was introduced to my second husband and I would be lying if I didn't admit that we were both attracted to each other, but I felt as if I'd known this man all my life. We dated and took things slow and easy getting to know each other's spirit. We laughed, had fun, shared our friends, discussed life in general and became each others best friend first! Of course sex is sharing the soul of each other and we took it seriously, but we never allowed sex to rule us and we have been there for each other for over 40 years (married to each other for 35 of those years.) Now here is the kicker. My husband is fighting for his life due to illness. We've stood strong together no matter what and both of us are fearless when it comes to each other. There is nothing on this earth that could stop us from protecting each other and our whole being goes into it. We look at each other during bad times and say to each, 'Babe, this is going to be a tough one, but we're not sputtering our way through it, we're going to go down in flames and they'll know WE existed.' When he's down and can't fight you bet I'm there and it's not fear of insecurity (again I'm very independent and have a good life ... not wealthy, but middle-class, fairly healthy, am a Christian and a believer of that faith because I've experienced the miracles of that faith) and when I'm down my husband is there to fight for me. It's a wonderful feeling although it sometimes can be exhausting. There is no secret, it's a matter of knowing some battles you will win and some you won't and if it's your time to leave this earth then the quality of time with your partner or loved one is of the most importance and when they are gone it's the good memories they leave in your heart and the strength you have built with each other goes on in yourself. I believe every person you allow into your life leaves an 'imprint' and we can take what we have learned from that person and become stronger. After the person passes away we can eventually smile at the very thought of them and know that they were part of what you are today. You smile at the world and proceed on with your life never forgetting your one and only true love. There is nothing either of us are afraid of and we are realists and know that our lives can't go on together forever. We face it, embrace it and enjoy each other while we can. Is our marriage perfect? Heck no and I wouldn't want it to be. We have our arguments, but have learned to respect each other enough to walk away to cool off and then sit down and discuss it like two human beings and take a little of each other's opinions and resolve the problem the best we can. We have much laughter in our marriage and we hug, kiss each other when times are down. Sometimes we just lay down on the rug with that huge TV cushion and cuddle and that's the best comfort knowing you have found someone that you respect, who respects you back and both are willing to fight anything in this world that tries to divide your souls. I've found it, but it takes work. I believe in love, but not the panting, excited type of love through sex we experience in youth. That's a small part of loving someone. Love IS like a flower that you nurture and watch it grow from a bud to full bloom and smell it's perfume, but, what lingers is the perfume surrounding the two that are in love and you can smell it, see it, feel it and through that you pass on that scent to other and it DOES make a difference and I'm here to say it's so.

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