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Asked by Ya Dink
Psychology
Relationships
Human Behavior

Should I contact the man who caused my ptsd?

I am not willing to talk about the full story cause it's incredibly triggering for me to explain the whole thing in detail. But long story short, In late 2018 my best friend confessed that he attempted to sexually assault me but failed. A classmate grabbed his arm before he could (for unrelated reasons). I later found out he would go around the class and talk about how "if I had the slightest chance, I would wreck that thing". Please understand there's SO MUCH MORE to the story and this is barely the tip of the iceberg. He's a twitch streamer and I used to watch him stream for hours while we were still best friends. I can't bring myself to delete my account and occasionally drop in to see how he's doing. Last night someone in his chat asked him how his 2019 was because...ya know... end of the decade. And he said that it was one of the worst years of his life, lol same. But he said something that almost made me throw up and have a panic attack all at once. "It just s*cks like...the main reason why losing my best friend was so hard on me is because, she wasn't just my best friend I counted her as my sister. Plus I had a bit of a crush on her, anyways. Yeah, it umm...it s*cked, it really does. I miss her every day, I miss her every day. But ya know, there's nothing I can do about it anymore. I'm not going into it, but let's just say uh. If I were to ever contact her, there would be a lot of people down my throat screaming at me" word for word You might be asking yourself "Why does that matter? he tried to assault you!". Yeah, I considered that too, I've been considering it for over a year. But his current attitude on the situation is a complete 180 then how it was before. Last time I heard him talk about the situation he would go on and on about how "I'm a liar" and that he doesn't need me. The RCMP forced him to get help and I think he might have changed. But I can't tell if he's changed unless I talk to him. I know he would get in an infinite about of trouble if he contacted me, but I can't tell if I'd get in trouble. I literally can't talk to anyone IRL about this cause they'd call me dumb for even thinking about talking to him. He wasn't just "someone who tried to assault me", he was my best friend. I spent nearly 3 years, almost every hour, bonding while him. I've never connected with someone on that level before and I don't think I ever will again. I miss him yet I want to strangle him skinny neck every day. I can't find any articles or anything that relates to me anywhere. I seriously need advice without people giving their opinion or questioning my trauma. Please

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