Should you go back to a rocky marriage and try to work things out for the sake of your child?

Answer 1

AnswerNever, Your child is better off with separated but happy parents than with a united, but gloomy and stressed family. you're not getting married for the kids. You're getting married because you want to spend your life with a certain person. If something goes wrong, you can work on your marriage, but for the sake of the marriage itself, not the kids.

Answer">Answer">AnswerYes, as children who are a part an intact family are always far better off, regardless of the circumstances, than when the parents are separated. IN 40% of the cases when the parents are separated, the non-residential parent is denied access to the children. Expenses for the parents increase causing even greater stress.

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Should you go back for the children?

No, No, NO!!! My mother stayed in a marriage of misery for the sake of us children and it only made our lives more complicated and sad. I hated that they stayed together because of the silences, the late night at work, the never there at home. Growing up in a parented relationship that stayed together for the children, I would have preferred to have had a happy home than a depressing one even though they tried hard to show us that they were happy. Just because you try to hide it, doesn't mean the children are so dumb that they don't notice the strained relationship. For years I felt guilty because I blamed myself for their unhappiness until I told them both to grow up and get a divorce because they were depressing me.

I agree entirely! You know you're doing it for the kids , you're not doing yourself or them or your husband-wife . . ex-husband or wife . . . . .whatever any favours by clinging on by a thin string to whats clearly gone , it is gonna hurt your children more than anyone else because rather than them having to face the divorce and move on there gonna have to watch it slowly fall apart. its not fair on us! My parents did it for 3 years for me(11) and my brother(13) and my baby sis(2) but when it happened we were all a lot younger and my sister was only 6 months old, I am pretty much over it now but I will never properly fix just like my mum and dad and bro but not so much my sis!! my dad is pretty secretive and very selfish so life is still hard around him and I feel I get chucked between parents like an over worked pancake in a pan that's been coked for to long my life seems pretty easy and running on smooth tracks now ,.. .but rust me its not! I often cry myself to sleep and tell myself and even ask people what is the point in life and you wouldn't want your child to have that view on life like I have to suffer and my parents are pretty , well very well off and with millions to spend people think oh her life must be easy.

AnswerDoes your child want you to? Should you need to ask, don't make the impression that YOU want to go back! In fact, if you need to ask, don't go back unless post "Absolutely... IF " applies! AnswerAbsolutely... IF you are both willing to put 100% into trying to improve the relationship. This probably means both individual counseling and joint marriage counseling. If the marriage improves, great. That's what commitment is all about, and your children will learn that and sense the positive shift in the relationship. But if it doesn't, and one or both of you feels that even alone, you'd be better off, then you should split. There's no guarantee there's somebody better out there. Different, but not necessarily better. A divorce will probably cause "issues" for your kids - but so will living in a loveless marriage with fighting going on all the time. Kids learn about relationships, arguing and making up, marriage, commitment, self-esteem and self-worth from their parents. Put yourself in your kids shoes, but also remember that being a good parent starts with being a happy PERSON. Yes

• It hurts children to go to their dad's house, and their mom's house. I have a neighbor, whose parents got divorced, and not he has a gun and shoots things. That is children rebelling from their problems such as divorce of their parents. So, go back to your spouse, say you are sorry, and love each other.

  [Comment:That argument is invalid. Do you know just how aggressive your neighbor would be if he'd lived through a rocky marriage instead?

  Just aside from the fact that his shooting probably has nothing to do with "revenge upon the world" but is just a hobby like fishing for others.]

• Yes. I think its a good idea. Children need BOTH parents. As long as the "rocky" things aren't any sort of abuse or anything that is putting you in danger, I think its worth a shot.

No

• No! My mother stayed with my father who drank a lot. It was extremely hard on my brother and I, and it also made our school grades suffer. It was like walking on egg shells. There in no way you could humanly go back to your husband and act as if there is nothing wrong with your relations. Children are extremely perceptive!

• Sometimes it is more difficult for the child if you returned and your moods change negatively because you lost the partner you loved. You can only maintain a happy relationship with your child if you are happy too.

• No, you should NOT! You will screw up your children's emotional well-being. They will pick up your behavior habits and assume that is the relationship that they should have because it is all they knew and learned. It will make many relationship problems for the children when they grow up. Staying together for the children and not love is a terrible mistake many adults assume is best, but if they are more educated then they will understand it is the WORST thing they could do for the children.

• I think, having been there myself NO. Your health must come first, an abusive man DRAINS YOU MENYALLY AND PHYSICALLY INDEED IF YOU ARE WELL YOUR CHILD WILL BE WELL. It is best for you both to go it alone, I've been there. To go back makes no change, he will probably get worse. Get a good solicitor, go to WOMENS AID, THE POLICE, try not to be afraid or embarrassed of these sources provide GREAT ON GOING SUPPORT AND ADVICE. You will also be respected by your family doctor all information's confidential. Sadly a situation like a rocky marriage seldom changes. Have I jumped to conclusions in believing you lived with abuse? Mental torture and making nasty comments is abuse. I wish you luck you will survive if you decide to go it alone I'm away now 5 years. I am finally well and happy, and I've 2 children they are happy. If you stay you will be depressed on guard fearful your child will feel all these emotions, is it worth the pain? Go with your gut feeling. . . . . .LOOK AFTER YOU AND YOUR CHILD . . .

Maybe

• If you want to work it out with your children's father/mother because you want to be together, then try it. Don't stay together for the kids. It will most likely hurt them more in the long run. If handled correctly, a split between a child's parents can be something that is easy for them to understand and over come. I am a child of divorce, and I am very well adjusted, happily married and love and get along with both of my parents.

• It depends on how rocky the situation is. If it was something less than abuse or infidelity, then you can most likely overcome the problems. It takes work, and it takes sacrifice, but it's possible to find happiness again.

Answer

If both of you aren't happy being married and can't make each other happy anymore, then you shouldn't because you can't have joint-custody of the child, and the child will still have both of the parents! If both of you are unhappy and only want to be together because of your child will only make things worse and hurt the child more. The child isn't in a happy environment and has two unhappy miserably parents who don't want to be together, but they want to try because of the child, and it would feel like its their fault his parents are like this! If it will benefit the whole family and you make each other happy, then yes everybody deserves a second chance! Every relationship has problems. Its just a test to see if the love is strong enough to make it through the rough times and makes the relationship so much stronger so do whatever makes a happy and worth-being in environment for the child. Don't do anything because you feel obligated to because you feel like the child will not have both parents because that's not true at all. If the mom is a the best mom she can be and the dad is the best dad he can be but are divorced doesn't mean the child doesn't have the same things a child with married parents has. Good luck. I hope I helped you out, and if I didn't I'm sorry! That's my opinion, though you can do whatever you want to do.

Answer

Simple answer: NO.

When you suffer, your child does too.As the saying goes, "If the mommas happy, she'll make you happy; if momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy." Including the kids. Take it from someone who knows.

The child wants a peaceful and secure, loving home. That is not possible with two parents eye-poking and hair-pulling all the time. And don't think you're hiding it; kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that such a living situation is acceptable or do you want your child to seek out a happy adult life?

You can work things out from across town too. Return to cohabitation when you can get along and play nice.

CommentI agree! As my late mother - who had an excellent understanding of children - sometimes said, "The child's mood reflects the mother's".

Children have a deep-seated need for peace, order, predictability, love and kindness and, not least, also for rational behaviour on the part of the parent(s). If you're in a really rocky relationship, you can't give this. If, just as you are about to sit down to a family meal, the household routine is badly disrupted because your partner throws a temper tantrum, then how is the child going to a sense of security, predictability, order and rational behaviour?

AnswerNo, not for the sake of the child. You should work through things no matter what. It will not benefit anyone if you use the child as a excuse for going back to or staying in a rocky marriage. The child will fair much better if the parents are honest with themselves and each other on whether the marriage is worth saving. Counseling helps sometimes but unless the partners reach deep down within themselves to let go of the past hurts, resentments, lies, failure to communicate, giving up, all these things must come out on the table and be worked on for a better plan in the future. The child will only be confused if left in the middle. Couples need to realize that there are subcultures within the family. All together is family, then mom & dad, siblings (if any) being parents does not mean you forget about being a couple, remember baby came after the wedding so you need to separate the two relationships and work on them individually. If there is absolutely no way to change the negatives in a relationship then the best thing is to move on with your lives. The only thing that will change will be the living arrangements, you will both still be parents to the child, forever and need to maintain a healthy relationship to teach the child about maturity, honestly, and boundaries. AnswerAbsolutely!!! AnswerAbsolutely NOT. My mother thought she would hang on until we got older to separate officially - for our sake - but when she checked with us she found out we didn't want him here either (not particularly anyway). She was really surprised, but happy too - I think life will be a LOT easier without him. You and your kids would end up tiptoeing around the guy. Just separate! It might sting at first but your kids should appreciate your feelings and may even feel the same way.

Don't stick with a shoddy relationship just because you've had kids. It only makes matters worse.

NO WAYDon't go back!! Why go back to a relationship that is clearly not working out. You wouldn't want your children to grow up in an unhappy home. So for the children's sake, JUST LEAVE!!Think of the kidMy parents have never had a good marriage and I hate it. I've wanted them to get a divorce since middle school because us three kids ALWAYS get caught in the middle. Your child will be much happier and healthier in two happy homes than one conflicted one. You can't hide your problems because that just makes them more obvious and as the child gets older, he will be caught in the middle more because the temptation will be to treat him like the adult he's starting to resemble and confide in him. This might make you feel better, but leaves your child torn and resentful because he may look like an adult, but he will NEVER completely be one as far as you and your spouse should be concerned. You are the parents and the relationship between the two of you should be just that; the relationship between the TWO of you. The child is the innocent here, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. The simple rule I'm getting at is NEVER STAY TOGETHER JUST FOR THE KIDS. EVER!AnswerGet counseling to see if you can work out your problems. If you can't, then no. AnswerI say absolutely. You`re doing things for you kids, even if you guys aren`t in love anymore, you have to work things out for you the sake of your child. You don`t want your kid not to have a father/mother right? Like me, my parents didn't work things out for us, now I have no father . So Basically , what I`m trying to say is , do it! AnswerWhen nothing you achieve will ever be enough, when your failings are used as a weapon to poison your child's mind. When you dread entering your own house, for fear, simply by being there, of prompting yet another row. When no matter what you say or do can bring you close again. For your own salvation pack up and leave her. Then you will have the chance of an honest and unencumbered relationship with your child. You will be in a better place to embrace and share all those important times in their life. OpinionNo way! To be straight up honest you shouldn't because that is going to make things worse. You may have some ups and downs or are guys taking a ride on a roller coaster ride or are you just screaming and yapping at each other all the time. If you're having ups and downs it's typical but if you're having roller coaster ride then you shouldn't continue your relationship because it wont work. Your child might be upset about getting a divorce but it happens and your child will know that, once he or she grows up. It is better for you and your child to just end it if you're on a roller coaster ride or yelling and yapping at each other. The main thing you should ask your child is what if your mom and dad got a divorce or split up? Wait until your child answers If your child doesn't understand, or doesn't know, do what your heart is feeling. Ask yourself are we going through ups and downs or on a roller coaster ride or yapping and yelling at each other? But if your child says (mom or dad) don't get a divorce or anything that involves a split up, then think about what you are feeling now. Sometimes your decisions should be based on you, not anyone else's opinion. So just ask yourself everything!

NO. I'm 20 and my parents were together up until I was 17 and I wish they would have ended sooner. If a married couple are unhappy it creates a negative environment. And kids, even the really young one's are way smarter than most give them credit for. They can pick up when they're parent's relationship is rocky. You can both be a part of their lives and be there as a family without all being under the same roof. If each of you is committed you can make this possible.

Answer

Hard as it is, the sooner you face up to the factors that made you leave and accept them, the easier it will be to start looking forward. Forward to building a new household, building a career where you are financially independent and to raising your child in a safe, warm home. As far as co-parenting, that is as difficult as the marriage was. Work hard to keep the relationship with the ex like neighbors, expecting polite, respectful treatment and giving it back the same--regardless of the feelings you have. Let yourself be single for a few years and find new friends and interests. It does all turn out okay in the end, just takes awhile.

• As long as your spouse is not an alcoholic; does drugs or has high anger issues; is verbally or physically abusive then it would be worth a try to get back together again if you still love your spouse see if they will try marriage counselling. Marriage is meant to be taken seriously and if there is a chance for the marriage to work out then both parties should try. If both do not communicate well or try hard to make a marriage work then divorce would be the next step. At least one of the spouses has to realize that the child comes first and if the two partners cannot or are unwilling to make a good effort at making the marriage work then neither partner are doing the child any favors by staying together.

Answer 2

If you can manage then the answer is yes. If you are able to work out the differences . Then you should try to get back together .