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Do you people actually know what Narcissism is? it's loving your physical appearance, it's not a divorcable offence, however if it's narcissism linked with insulting you or your children, then you could consider first discussing the problem with your spouse.

AnswerThis above is a common misconception easily explained. Narcissism technically is not about loving your physical appearance. Its actually about loving (a false) self image. ... and rejecting all else at all costs. However Histrionic, which some say is a type of narcissism - is about loving your physical body and appearance. Narcisssists apear to love themselves but in fact they do not. They are only in love with an image. That's why their egos are so fragile. It doesnt take much to shatter the mirror reflecting back and their world falls apart. they wont show it but it does. So they must Reinvent that self image over and over again to protect their true selves which is so weak and diminished they hardly know it exists. AnswerSept. 14, 2006 I do hope the person who asked this question will see this because I am upset at the "Total lack of information on narcissism" from the "Well let's see" answer! God Bless you. I am the daughter of a NPD father. I just recently found out he has NPD. He doesn't know it, nor is anyone in the family going to tell him as he is old now, would be in total denial and raging. He is not going to change! My personal opinion is that they are extremely sick people. Mentally ill. If you can honestly say that you don't mind not having an identity, and your ok with spending YOUR life being abused then I guess stay. From an outsiders view, you need help with realizing what attracted you to this person in the first place. Dig deep! Your "partner," (NPD's are incapable of being partners,) is supposed to bring something of value within himself to the relationship, and you he, to teach each other, so you can evolve together. This is what healthy relationships are about. To help each other grow. NPD's are about themselves, and only themselves! All I know is that I understand the vow's you took, but you also are living with 1% of the population. This is serious! Again, from an outsiders view, I'd like to see you love yourself first, and that is obviousely not the case, before you try loving a man. Also,you are a role model for your children. Please think long and hard at what legacy your leaving them. They will forever be watching you. Love, C.

Well let's see... if you used the "Until death do us part" vows or something similar, it unfortunately makes you a liar if you leave/divorce him. You said/vowed, "...until death do us part." I doubt that there was anything in there about changing your mind later or only as long as you felt like it. You said you'd stay with him no matter what. It also labels you as someone who's word cannot be trusted. Then there's your being a quitter. And just in case you're a religious person, God is an absolute stickler for contractual language. You promissed absolutely until death did you part. He says the only out option you have is infidelity.

Sorry for the hard ball approach. I'm sure this is very hard for you and I haven't written this to be mean but more in the hope others will read it and remember there vows. Divorce is to easy in America.

ANSWER

i wonder how you could "just find out" after 19 years of marriage,

he has always been like this i assume? since you met, dated, fell in love and got married and stayed for 19 year, all that time he will have been self obsessed, and you didnt notice?? unlikely,

i think just because there is now a name for what he has and what kind of person he is is not a good enough reason to divorce him after all this time.

my boyf has just recently in the last year been diagnosed with aspergers, which makes his personality difficult and unemotional at times, but we got together 7 years ago and he was like that then without a name to explain why,now that it has a name, is officially a disease, im not going to up and leave.

im not lecturing you on leaving or staying,

what im saying is if you fell for him like that then why would you just up and leave now that you know why?

it sounds to me you are looking for a way out

and that's perfectly understandable,

narcissists think that the world revolves around them and who would want to live with a person who never notices or cares what you need or want

but you cant fool yourself into thinking its because he has it, because you always knew what he was like, its because you don't want to live with it anymore and rightfully so if it makes him an unbearable person to be with.

so if your happiness is at steak then you should leave yes, you cant fix him and you cant stay that's all there is to it, you don't deserve any more punnishment for what is wrong with him.

i don't know if narcissists can change but if it is a possibility then its always something to consider first and try counseling but he would really have to be and show that hes committed for it to work and to be worth your staying any longer and as soon as he shows you that he isn't trying then you maybe should take action on your decision

i hope you figure this out

f4

answer19 days, 19 years whats the difference. Get out while you can. while you have some sanity and while you still have some healthy parts left to you. He is an emotinal parasite set to suck the very lifeblood out of you.

Also there is no "Discussing" anything with an N spouse. Just gather you things up and run. No explanatoin necessary.

You can and will get over all the things he did to you. However he will be caught up in his web of lies and deciept for all eternity with no way out.

answerVows are vows between TWO people to love honor and cherish one another in sickness and in health. In the case where one is a narcissist then only one person is really putting any effort into keeping them. The N is not capable of loving in the true sense. He is not going to be loyal, faithfull, supportive or loving in any way shape or form. He will NOT stand by your side through thick and thin for better or worse. He is going to make it worse and not better. Any relationship with them is one sided only for them. you get zero. they take everythigng you got and then some. AnswerVows between two PEOPLE ... as in two humans. I hardly consider a narcissist to be anything human. They don't see themselves as human and they certainly don't treat others as anything but less than human. The narcissist didn't marry a human he married an object. You didn't marry a human you married a snake or at best an illusion. Get out.
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โˆ™ 2011-09-13 14:12:32
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Q: Should you stay with your spouse if you have been married 19 years and just found out he is a narcissist?
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