Unless he has verbally told you he is just staying for the children's sake then I wouldn't second-guess his thoughts. Hate is a harsh word and if your husband is angry (usually at himself and it's nothing to do with you or the children) he is probably dealing with one or more of these things: 40+ men do go into a menopause and just like women they can actually get hot flashes and become moody and depressed. They use to call this "the midlife crisis", but it finally noted in the medical journals as plain old menopause although it's not as severe as far as what some women go through. At this age men can feel they haven't done what they set out in life to do, and often wonder if the opposite sex is still attracted to them. Let's face it, women feel the same way. If he is on medications then look up the side effects of those medications as sometimes they can cause moodiness, vast changes in personality and depression. Medications for heart, depression or even thyroid medication that need adjusting can cause these problems. It's time he went for a good check-up by your doctor. Before he gets there (don't let him know) phone the doctor's office and have the girl there tell the doctor about the moodiness and abuse. The doctor will consider this confidential on your part. Try talking to your husband to see why he is so unhappy. If he has actually said he is still there just for the childrens sake then tell him not to do you any favors and you'd rather get a divorce and he can have visitation rights. Explain to him that by the two of you arguing all the time it isn't good for the children. It's obvious something is bothering him. Ask him if he thinks a nice trip with just the two of you would make him feel more at peace. You could leave the children with grandparents or a trusted friend. If he is going to continue with the verbal abuse then you have to decide what is best for your children (that should always come first) and also if you want to continually put up with this. No one wants to walk around on egg shells. Have that talk with him and then try to get him to the doctors. Good luck Marcy My ex husband would do the same thing. One day he loved me and would never find another woman like me, to the next day of hating my guts and im the most disgusting so and so. I never knew how he felt as it always changed. I was either all good or all bad. Im glad to not live that way anymore. It was terribly exhausting and brought down my self esteem.
If you are with the estranged wife's husband and they have children then it will be difficult for you as the children are the bond between the two. If the estranged wife is causing problems then it is up to her ex husband to take care of it and not you. If you are not with the husband and the estranged wife is bothering you then you can cease to answer her calls or text messages and if she continues then you can get a restraining order against her.
Your husband should be paying child support for his children unless the mother of the children has remarried and her new husband adopts the children. It would be wise that he gets each child DNA tested to even be sure they are his children. If your husband did not let you know before you married him that he had four children then it's an injustice to you, but the two of you have to learn to communicate and decide on what the right recourse is to resolve this problem.
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