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While it's normal to have your own "hot buttons", it's not normal to threaten people, no matter who they are. Many of us overreact to criticism when we're feeling anxious or maybe even when everything is going ok. The part that isn't normal is to become threatening.

Perhaps it would be best to learn to deal with your anxiety and aggression. There are quite a few organizations that help people deal with anger, anxiety, aggression and just about anything else that�s out there. BTW, it�s normal to feel that this is only happening to you, that part makes it worse, but just think about it for a minute, since there are all these support groups out there, it must be relatively common.

On the other hand, just because it�s common, it isn�t acceptable. I always tell people that I�m bigger than my wife, stronger, meaner and generally much more of a threat than the small lady who loves me. What would I be proving if I hit her or threatened her? The only thing I�d be proving is that I can�t control myself. I am a member of a species of animals on this planet that somehow thinks it�s smarter than the other animals. The only difference between humans and animals is our intellect. If I can�t use my intellect to control my anger I�m no better than the animals and should be treated the same as a dangerous gorilla. I, on the other hand, chose to treat my wife as though I love her, because I do. I believe that love and aggression are mutually exclusive. I cannot, as an intelligent creature of this planet, elect to harm or even threaten that which I profess to love.

What I�m trying to tell you is, it�s never acceptable to threaten your wife. Yes, she shouldn�t criticize, that too is unacceptable behavior. Perhaps a marriage counselor would be good and you could both work out your differences in a more acceptable venue.

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The above answer isn't clearly related to the question. It seems to assume that the questioner thinks he is/may be an abuser, but there's nothing in the question to suggest this. SO, here goes!

Abusers exercise 'unauthorized' power over their victims - unauthorized in the sense that the victim hasn't given consent and that it's not warranted by any exceptional circumstances.

The means that abusers use in order to wield power are varied. They extend from physical violence to frequently humiliating the victim; creating a permanent 'feel bad' atmosphere for the victim. My ex was extremely abusive and used to throw absolutely spectacular temper tantrums that often lasted for 2-4 hours and sometimes started up again the next day. In the early stages of a tantrum she derived much pleasure from them, but after a while these fits of the "shrieks" seemed to take on a life of their own. They often made the kids and me feel ill. If I tried to leave the house she'd block my exit physically; if I pushed past her to get away, she'd claim that I was assaulting her and so on. (Where I live, it is legitimate to use 'reasonable force' to get out of a room, building or confined space if one is being kept there against one's will and without lawful authority).

Violence, amazing temper tantrums, yelling, prolonged screaming, making people feel bad - these are the tactics of young kids. If an adult is in the habit of using them, then something is wrong, to put matters mildly.


What are some actions of an abuser?


Ignoring a person, they shun them, they give others the silent treatment.

The silent treatment i think is the worse one of all, in fact it takes first place with name calling. The abuser gets a thrill of using words, meanings, quotes, (example:

"What you reap is what you sow", something might have occurred with the person years ago, and they put their trust in the abuser not knowing that the abuser would one day throw it in their face, given the right moment of the person, ).


The abuser waits for the right moment to strike, sending the person whom they are abusing to depression and stress, the person in turn becomes an abuser to themselves using drugs and alcohol to combat the abuser who is abusing them.


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โˆ™ 2009-11-25 12:36:45
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