What can you do if you don't want anything even life and you still believe suicide is illegal but people who loves you are pushing you in so many different ways in order to show them a sign of living?

well, it seems like you are in a very tough spot in life, sometimes life is hard...and sometimes, it can be even harder, but you should probably get some therapy, maybe see a psychologist, it may help, but really the only person who can make you happy is you, just remember this, in order for anyone else to love you and show you appreciation, you must show it to yourself first.