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It is very common for people that are abusive, depressed, alcoholics, drug addicts to want to stay with a mate that has gone through the same thing (or is like them.) They seem to find some bond. In fact, it's the worse thing that person can do. If they have managed to change any of the above bad habits, it's best to find a mate with none of these traits and their future is much more promising. When a person loves another they don't want to hurt that person and there are simply no excuses. People can control their anger if they put their minds to it. If they feel rage they can get out and go for a walk to cool off. Even though your girlfriend came from an abusive environment she is playing the "lame duck syndrome" using this as an excuse for her outbursts towards you. At any given time she could have gone to seek counseling for this problem and there are no excuses for not doing so, because abuse is talked about everywhere these days and she's well aware of it. It's just easier for her to go through life the way she is and expecting people to put up with her abusive behavior. If you try getting back with her then you are classified as an enabler and you're not helping her one bit. If you want to over-come your abusive nature then you must not see this young woman, get counseling of your own and move on. It doesn't sound like she wants help or she would have gotten it by now. Don't even think for a minute if you get the help and then try to help her it will work. She will probably be angry you did something about your abusive nature and will absolutely refuse to do anything about her own abuse problems. Sometimes we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and sometimes that means moving on from someone we love. When we look back a few months to a year or so later we really find that we had long ago stopped loving that person because the hurting never went away, nor the rage from the abuser. Good luck Marcy

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โˆ™ 2006-02-28 06:55:23
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Q: What can you do if your narcissistic and abused ex-girlfriend was very abusive to you which made you an abuser and now you are very hurt and want her back so you can both try and change?
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Related questions

Can a man from non-abusive upbringing become an abuser if abused by a partner who grew up in an abusive home with no therapy at all?

it is possible

Does the abuser really love the person being abused?

No the abuser does not love that person they love controlling and abusing that person and that's it. It is difficult for there to be love in an abusive relationship. The abuser can not truly give love or receive it because he or she is mentally disabled. The abusive personality is a mental disorder and the abuser needs to seek psychiatric help. An abusive relationship is not a healthy one and no matter what the abuser says, he or she can not love you, it is obsession and control that drives an abusive partner.

How an abusive parent affect a child?

Data shows that a child who is abused will in turn become an abuser later in life. The life of an abused child is affected his/her entire life.

Why do people stay in abusive relationship?

Several different reasons. One could be because the abuser has such a hold on the abused that they stay because they think that the abuser is the only person that will want them. There is also fear that if the abused left the abuser would hunt them down and make them pay for leaving in the first place. If you asked 10 different abused people why they stay (stayed) in they're abusive relationships I can almost promise you'll get 10 different answers. In some cases the abused person believes that she/he can fix the abuser, or for complex reasons might even feel guilt about leaving the abuser.

Can you sue a narcissistic abuser?


What is the primary motive of the abuser in an abusive relationship?

For the most part, those that show abusive behavior are reflectant of how they were treated during their childhood. Thus abusive behavior as adults is not only satisfactory because the abuser in a twisted way can identify with the abused, but also is a show of dominance and superiority for someone who, for the majority of their life as a child, were inferior to their caregivers.

Is it common for the abused victim to be smarter and better looking and more socially accepted than the abuser?

Yes. But it is also common for the abuser to be all of those things. Abusive realtions are common, physical and verbal, romantic and non.

Are you being abusive when you're the one being emotionally abused and you withhold affection?

No. Many times the abuser will tell you you are being abusive as a way to manipulate you into giving affection, which continues the abuse, as manipulation can be a form of abuse.

She got abused when she was smallso she abused him?

Yes, abuse is definitely something that is a learned behavior. That's not to say that everyone that is abused will become abusive but there is definitely a correlation between abusers being abused themselves. It's sad because in so many cases the victim becomes the abuser.

If my father is a sexual abuser will i be one too?

Only if you make the choice yourself to be an abuser. Just because your father was a sexual abuser, or (and this is an assumption on my part), you were sexually abused, does not mean that you will go on to be a sexual abuser. That is a common myth that those who were abused will go on to be abusers. That is simply not true. Most people that were abused never go on to be abusers. It is true that about 40% abusers were themselves abused, but that doesn't mean that all who were abused are abusers.

Is it normal for someone who has been abused to be obsessively reading books on abusive men or looking at abuse websites trying to find that one thing that will put the abuser in his place?

It might be necessary to get the person in for therapy. If nothing else, the therapist might be able to get the abused person to leave the abusive relationship and be a little less obsessive.

Can there be true love in an abusive relationship?

No. absolutely not. If you are being abused the person who is abusing you does not truly love you. the Abuser makes you feel responsible for his/her actions. therefore making you believe you are in love with that person.

Do you tell an abuser that he emotionally abused you?

Telling an abuser that he emotionally abused you depends on your expectations. Safety is the most important consideration, though- do not put yourself in a position of further abuse- emotional or physical- by confronting your abuser. If by telling him, you are expecting him to apologize or take responsibility for his behavior, you are very unlikely to be satisfied. Abusers are in denial, and they rarely will admit that their behavior is abusive or in any way wrong. The chances of an abusive man changing are very slim, so telling him hoping he will change is rather useless. If by telling him, you are standing up to your abuser, regaining control of your own life, and letting him know what he did to you and how it affected you, it might be worth telling him for your own recovery.

Should at least 1 appointment be made with an abuser program against an abuser's will if that's what's best for the family?

Yes, clearly the abusive family member wouldn't willingly attend something intended to correct his/her abusive behavior I they are indeed abusive.

Why are children abused by people they know?

No one is sure why children are abused by people they know. There are tons of possabilities the ones most likely is 1.The abuser had a bad child hood/was abused 2. The abuser thinks it is right (it isnt) 3. The abuser hates the child If you know some one who is abused, help them.You could even phone the police or child line

When does a court give an abuser custody of children?

When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determined to be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.When they have been determined to not be a an abuser. Courts do not grant custody of children to adults who have been determinedto be abusive.

When a spouse is abused does the abuser use weapons?

Sometimes they do, yes.

Is your boyfriend abusive?

Many BFs, or boyfriends, are not abusive. If a boyfriend is abusive, the girl should leave the relationship and file charges. Do not keep going back to an abuser.

Where do you go for help to get rid of your abuser so you can hiding the bruises he is causing you secretly?

You could try a Women's Center For Abused And Battered Women...they can help protect and advise you on what to do about your abusive husband (spouse boyfriend ect...)

What are the financial responsibilities of the abuser if the abused wants to remain in the home?

What a strange question! If the abused is afraid to leave the home for financial reasons, he or she should leave anyway. An abusive husband or father will still be required to support his wife or children, even if they do not live in his home. Basically, finances are not an issue in this case. If someone is being abused, that is the issue to get help for.

Can domestic abuse and Stockholm Syndrome collide Meaning can feeling guilty while being abused be called Stockholm Syndrome?

An abused person can identify with their abuser. The abuse itself would not be called Stockholm Syndrome. How the abused feels about the abuser would be Stockholm Syndrome.

If you unintentionally make your spouse afraid one time during an argument Should you be labelled an abuser considering it was not intended and an Abuser knowingly repeats his Abusive ways?

Well if its UNintended, then no it doesn't make you a abuser. The abuser continues his abusive ways even after it's been brought up to him or her. Just be sure to talk to your spouse about this problem. Let them know that you are sorry for what you did and you did not mean to do it.

When a abused person leaves and the abuser goes straight into another relationship will the abuser still try to get back at them?

I have been abused by my so called husband and when i left, till today he has never tryied to even call.

Why womens are being sexually abused?

There are many reasons that women have been sexually abused. It is usually not reason by the woman, though, that causes the abuse. Sometimes it is because the abuser was abused and it is a cycle. Sometimes the abuser is mentally unstable. Other time the abuser sexually abuses the woman as a punishment or to hurt them. There are many causes, but all are wrong and sexual abuse is always bad.

How do you get on with life after an abusive relationship?

It depends on the circumstances. If you were the abuser or the victim you need to think about your future very clearly. If you were abused often but not daily by someone who would not seek help you need to consider if your relationship should be terminated completely if they are still unwilling. If you are an abuser you need to pinpoint when and why you started such behavior and most likely involve yourself in some sort of therapy. If radically abusive or abused you need to seek intense therapy. If you stood around and took terrible abuse for a long period of time you probably are in need of therapy as badly as the abuser. Just decide if you need to seek therapy or simply continue your life. You'll find happiness in being single if you were abused for a long period of time, and if you run into a new abusive partner or get together with the same partner and he stays abusive then you need to cancel that relationship and remind yourself it is not your fault. Good luck, I know that emotional and physical abuse can be taxing and dealing with it is difficult.