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What can you do when you are a 56-year-old woman living with a 59-year-old man and you have been married for 19 months and haven't had sex in those 19 months but he says he loves you?

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09/13/2011

You didn't say if your sex life was good before you started living together. If it was (or even moderate and you enjoyed each other) then the problem is probably the fact he is afraid of living together. The older you get and living on your own the more private and more habits you have. Many people can see each other on a steady basis and even stay at each other's homes off and on, but eventually go back to their own home and this is considered privacy and freedom. He may be adjusting to not feeling free anymore (it is a big adjustment) but it doesn't mean he'll cheat on you or he doesn't love you.

If your sex life has always been poor then discuss this with him. Communication is everything! Let on that it could be either of you and that both of you should get a physical. Generally at the age your partner is he could very well have low Testerone and the doctor can give him a blood test for this. If it is there is a medication called "Androgel" that is rubbed on the shoulder, (the woman should be careful to not get any of it on herself while in close contact) a patch or a monthly shot. Also, if your partner has diabetes or has had heart problems this could lower the libido. There is a reason and the answer (once you get that physical or at least have a good talk) may well surprise you both ... but, it's generally fixable!

Men generally don't like talking about their high/low sexual problems so when you communicate be sure you include yourself in this so he won't feel less a man. It wouldn't hurt the both of you to get a good physical anyway. Often people will go in to see the doctor together and there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Good luck!

Answer

Evaluate the relationship carefully. What was the sex life before marriage. If it was non existant then you cant expect a piece of paper to change that. The dynamics of your relationship were in place before you said I do. Now if something in those dynamics changes then it could affect the sexual relationship. Sometimes people feel that after they marry the one they are chasing or courting that they don't have to work at it anymore because now they got you. If he didnt know before that sex was important to you before he isn't going to know now. You have to have a heart to heart talk with him and if you find that the idea of the relationship you based your marriage on isn't the same, get counseling or get a divorce. Your not old but your not getting younger and wasting time with this or waiting around for him to want to have sex is not fair to you. Discuss and think this over, the clock is ticking. Good luck.

What's Sex Got To Do With Love!

When we vow we love someone then that should be two souls coming together and although sex is important in a marriage it can ebb when getting older. Some people lose interest, some have arthritis, medications can cause lower libido, different diseases can cause the same problem. When I got married I wasn't stupid enough to think that my husband and I would have great health until we dropped like a rock and life was gone out of us. I knew that one day he or I would not be well and sex would be the least of our worries. True love is standing by the person you love no matter if they can perform the sexual act or not! It's being there with a smile on your face when you feel like crying. It's cuddling that person and telling them you love them (and you really mean it.) I can never imagine being without my husband and no, our sex life isn't gone yet, but it's certainly not as jiggy as when we were in our 20s - early 50s. I'll take him the way he is ... sex or no sex! I thank God every day he's here with me safe, sound and our lives filled with good memories and much laughter. Hey, that beats sex at our ages any time!

My attitude is, if a person has that much time at that age to think constantly about sex (not accusing the person who left this question) then they simply have too much time on their hands!

ANOTHER ANSWER

THE guy should see his family doctor or a urologist. Lack of performance on his part might be a sign of a physical problem that could be serious or something not so serious. Also could be something as simple as medication he is taking. BUT-- it should be checked out soon, for BOTH of you. GOOD LUCK....<<ADR>>