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You did not mention if this was mental, physical abuse or both.

There could be several reasons for this.

If they are elderly he may not have the energy or mental capacity to look after his wife.

If they are only middle aged, then looking after a disabled person is not as easy as it looks. It can be extremely draining and frustrating. Women are more apt to search around and find added help out in society, but men sometimes just don't know what to do. Then you have to understand what is really abuse. Example: If she's been in an accident and needs to see her physiotherapist a couple of times during week and doesn't keep appointments or follow their instructions that can be very frustrating for the caregiver. She certainly could be just sitting there feeling sorry for herself and perhaps she isn't as disabled as you think. I know many people in wheel chairs, some walking on walkers and canes and they manage to have a life. If she has given up on her condition her husband may be at his wits end, and don't consider some nasty words he may use against her as a total fact that he doesn't love her. Frustration may make him do this. Get the whole story!

There is a solution to this problem. If you are a family member then PLEASE interfere! Nicely sit down with the husband and say something like, "I know it isn't easy dealing with all of this, so can I help you find help for someone to come in periodically to help you out with your wife?" He may be over-joyed to leave it in your hands, but also he could be the cork in the bottle and refuse the help. The main point is, you need to get this lady some help either for her physical condition or mental condition!

Be careful about accusing the husband unless you know the entire situation. Medications can certainly play a role in the way some people react to these situations. He could be on medications for stress, heart, Diabetes, etc., or she could be on medications that leave her lethargic, possibly paranoid. Unless you can actually see the mental abuse and understand what is behind the problem of verbal abuse, then you can only report it to Human Resources or Mental Health of you are not a family member.

Good luck Marcy

As a disabled and abused spouse, I must say that my husband's poor attitude towards me slows any possible recovery. He does not handle stress very well and to him, the smallest decisions bode the potential for a crisis. I could ask him to bring me a glass of water and hours might pass before he would bring it to me if then. I have hired help but when they appear, he explodes in a furious rage and the people leave. The situation is so bad that my helper which he does allow in the house came to me one day and said, "I had a dream about your husband and I woke up in tears because he is so horrible and mean." (So much for any possible paranoia on my part Miss Marcy.) I have no nearby family at all and most of my friends have married and moved away. I am presently recovering from pneumonia and this morning he was in one of his rages. Not only did the man verbally abuse me, he also hit me and bit one of my big toes. After this very negative encounter, I locked the bedroom door and did not respond to him for several hours. The man is a complete brute at home but once he leaves out of the front door, he morphs into Mr. Nice Guy. Despite my physical limitiations, I plan to leave him in the near future.

Sally

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โˆ™ 2010-02-02 05:26:30
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Q: What causes a husband to abuse his disabled wife and have no compassion or conscience about the hurt he inflicts never apologizes then tells her she's only feeling sorry for herself when she cries?
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