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Answered 2009-05-26 12:07:45

Answer: You might first begin by obtaining a restraining order against this certain person, as this way your problem is logged with law enforcement agencies. The above is true, but I would like to add that Child Welfare isn't stupid and I am sure they will see through what is going on. Marcy, thanks once again. I finally got the guts and sense to ditch this man. I did not provide any closure or explanations, I just cut him out of my life. I realised that to get closure or end it nicely was just adding another cycle into the madness of him. I finally said to myself, I don't care, enough is enough, life is too short. I feel great! And am excited about life. I am concerned though as I mentioned. The other night the Police came here in the middle of the night and woke me up. They said they had a call for an apparent suicide from my address. I live alone with my child. Then they seemed far too casual as though it wasn't really a suicide call and they did not search closets etc. They briefly walked around the house and i saw one officer looking under my dresser as though for drugs as its only two inches off the ground and certainly no one could hide under there. It sounds nuts of me, but i think he made a call to police and said a lie about me and the only way they could get in here without a warrant was to say its a suicide investigation. Also they believed me at face value immediately as though they figured out it was a prank. In addition, last month someone called child welfare on me. Child welfare came here and right away told me they could tell they had nothing to worry about and they talked to my child for less than 2 minutes and they were totally satisfied. They closed the file as there are no concerns. Also I nearly forgot to mention last year when i broke it off with him and he thought i was seeing another man my car window was smashed in. I don't know if it was him but honestly when things happen like that he seems to be in a really good mood after and after the window he approached me two days later all happy and was trying to win me back. Its as though he feels satisfied then he can start to be nice again after venting. Then 2 weeks before that that man told me he was admitted to the hospital for heart problems. My friend told me to call the hospital and see if it was true as she thinks hes a sociopath. I called the hospital and there was no record. He came here and showed me his shaved chest where they put the monitors!!! Then when I asked him about child welfare and the heart thing he was very nervous and shaky as though he knew I was onto him and said are you implying anything. He then freaked out about the heart problem thing and was screaming. I have talked this over with family, my mom especially and friends and everyone thinks he is dangerous. During the time I was with him, he became increasingly bizarre, jealous and controlling. He told me i wasn't allowed to talk anymore, that only he can talk. He told me I'm nuts over and over. He put his hands around my throat in a choking hold without force though, he has held me down, screamed at me, if i didn't answer phone or door hes thinks i met someone else, he has spread rumours to men who are interested in me, he threatened one and he just went away, he has told me i am to leave my door unlocked so he can come here anytime he wants, he told me he feels good to think he can do anything to me and that's the way it should be, he found pleasure in my crying many times and would tell me I'm too crazy for him but in the same conversation he would yell to get in bed with no clothes on and he would show up ten minutes later, he has tried to ruin every good thing in my life such as education, even though i already had a degree but went to take more courses and he tried to make me tired and crazy, friends, other men who talk to me like me as a friend and he hates other men to think I'm rational and smart, vacations, all holidays, everything. He has asked me many time if I am seeing anyone else and when i said no he would say in a really creepy voice, well that's good now isn't it? When I painted my place and spruced it up with new couches which i hadn't had anything new in years, he came over and said oh it doesn't look that bad! I told him that was meant to hurt me as i had already told him how proud i was. He has asked me before if I record our phone calls. He sounded paranoid and no he is not married as I have met his children, been to his place, met his friends etc. He sounded generally paranoid. I told him that I did not understand why he would think such a thing as i for one would not do that and for what purpose? So now I am finally free. I am 35 years old and ready to go on with my life to much better things that me and my child deserve. I have finished a course that is really going to help me earn quite a lot more money than my sociology degree. I have decided to move but stay in the same city as well. I am relieved this is all over. What do you think of this whole thing? He has followed me on the highway and pulled his car right up beside mine when we started seeing one another. Am I being paranoid to think he called the police and made up this false story, mind you it was the same night i ignored all his calls. I have refused and will continue to refuse all contact with him. There is nothing more for me to say as there is no need to tell a nut hes a nut! Any input is appreciated. It's very important hon that you do as the above poster before me told you to do and put a police report in on your abusive mate. This way it's on record and the police will be less apt to bother you. The law is, that if there is a complaint at your address the police HAVE to investigate. It doesn't mean they feel you are guilty of anything and they aren't stupid and know pranks when they see one, but still they have to follow through on the complaint. I know because my mom had Dementia severely and before she was hospitalized I had the RCMP knocking at my door once a month. The officer was nice enough to come in the evening and I asked him into my home. He was pleasant and told me this sort of thing happened all the time, but when a complaint is turned in, by law, they have to investigate. If you put a report in although they still have to come to your door that's about all they will have to do and that's the end of it. Eventually enough is enough with the police department and they will close the file like they did on my mother. Sad, but it happens. I have no doubt whatsoever it's your abusive mate doing this or it's also a possibility a friend of his could be doing it as well (even a new girlfriend has been known to do such things.) He is suttely making annonymous claims of you using drugs to mistreating your daughter because he knows your daughter is your life and by having her taken away he knows that would hurt you more than anything. One of my male friends broke off with his girlfriend because she was not psychological sound and did drugs. He would come out of his home to find his tires slashed and the convertible top to his car in shreds. This woman took a knife and did all that damage! Your ex mate is very abusive and dangerous! My first husband was OK at first, then it was verbal abuse (I was too young to catch on at first) and then it became physical abuse. We were up in the North country and we both worked on a dam there so we were in a remote area. This type of environment is every abusers delight because you are away from friends and family. What he didn't count on was I fought back! The first time he struck me I had just gotten home from work and I was ironing clothes by the doorway as it was very hot outside. He was in a mean mood when he got home and kicked the basket of clothing. I ignored it and kept ironing and then came into the trailer to fold clothes. Just out of the blue he nailed me with a right punch and I landed on the floor and believe me I actually saw stars! He appeared to be just as stunned as I was because up until this point he had never physically abused me, but abused me mentally. No one in my lifetime had ever hit me like that and no one was going to start now. I ran over and got a Teflon frying pan and whacked him over the head! LOL Thank God it wasn't a cast iron frying pan. It was not out of anger so much as survival. He started to get up and I told him if he moved one muscle I'd hit him again and I meant it! I went right to the RCMP office and put in a complaint. Whether it was because of the report I made to the police or the fact my ex knew he couldn't get away with this abuse he stopped, but he was nasty and mean and would shove his fist in my face. The dog I had at the time bit him twice! Once we left in October and returned to Vancouver I found a new apartment, moved with the help of a friend, filed for divorce and got a new job and I can tell you "freedom" sure is worth fighting for! I had a wonderful time and mainly went out with friends (male/female) and did date, but was very cautious. Then I was introduced to my present husband and he's a sweetie. We've been married for 34 years and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Oh yes, we have our arguments, but we have learned to cool off, come back and talk things out. He has never laid a hand on him, but I had been blunt about that at the beginning of our relationship and explained what had happened with my first husband and I would fight to the death rather than be mistreated by any man. The one thing I had going for me was we had no children or property at the time so it was easy to get away from him. My first husband did phone and beg to come back and when I refused, just like your ex, he got down and dirty. Again I filed a police report and my ex finally drifted away to his mistress. I am so happy that you are finally free and I know lots of young single moms that are just making it fine out there. A young girl I befriended in a large food chain was in the same position you are now and she had a little daughter. She was lonely because she was very cautious of men and found them hard to meet and of course her daughter always came first. My husband and I knew of a very nice young man where my husband use to work and we were going to double-date with them on their first date (to make things easier on both of them.) When I went to tell her and arrange things she had met a lovely man who her daughter adores and although they were taking it slow and easy (for daughter's sake) she was wearing an engagement ring and they were getting married the following Spring. I couldn't help but be suspicious so she arranged for a time when I could come into the store on her lunch break and her fiance was there. He was a very nice young man and I had a gut feeling he was perfect for her. I hear from her off and on and things are going wonderfully for her and I know this will happen to you. Yes, it's him harassing you. If you can borrow a video camera or even rent one for a week get pictures (at a stop light) of his car behind yours with his license plate in view. I suggest you stay away from isolated roads and if he won't leave you alone on the highway pull into a gas station or a police station. File that report with the police!!! Go to the Abused Women's Center in your area and they will help you a lot (even with the legalities of this creep.) They are there to protect you and that they will. I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center in British Columbia and I see all the good they do. Still, for the sake of your child you need to protect yourself and if it means video taping this creep to recording one phone call where he makes threats then you do it! The more you can give the police to work on the better off you'll be. There is also a victim advocate, but I'm not familiar with this sort of thing in the States. Hopefully Mackey will come up with some good advice on the legalities and places you can go that I don't know about. For now hit that Abused Women's Center. It will do you good to be around other women who have gone through the same thing and are heading for freedom. You go girl and please keep in touch! God Bless I went to the Police. They said a peace bond or restraining order, but I will need proof. The calls have stopped from his number. I do not answer any private numbers. He has never harassed me much by phone, he does it in person or through people. So all I can do is hope he has given up. I havent heard anything besides these private numbers that are showing up, so maybe he has given up. But my gut tells me he is just waiting to pounce. I am being carefull though and I do not go anywhere hear mutual friends etc. I have also put in a transfer to move where i live. I will keep you posted. Thanks. Good for you hon! He could have well gotten the message by now, but, you know him and if you gut feeling tells you he's just sitting back waiting he probably is. Here's some tips re your move: TELL NO ONE! That means not telling your parents, best friend or coworkers. Not even your boss! Then get an unlisted phone # and also a PO Box for your mail. This should give him some internal combution! With luck he'll pop like a well inflated balloon and be no more. Here's hoping! Don't forget to keep in touch. When you get settled then phone your parents and your best friend, but other than your parents say nothing of where you are living. Sometimes best friends can turn out to be your worst enemy. Wait, be patient to see who is protecting you and who isn't. Good luck & God Bless Hi again. I am doing really well. I have NOT contacted him at all and he has not called since i ignored all his calls. I had not been out much though so I went to a friends house. He is friend with her husand. He must of been going to see if i was there or driving by to see if my car was there. Cause he showed up there right away. I did not look at him or say hello. I could feel the rage seething from him as he made sure i saw him ignoring me! I left right away very calmy. I guess I cannot go to that friends house anymore. I am being very carefull. I know this man is very mad. But I will be okay. Im glad to have my freedom and sanity back. Thank god.

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