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What do you do if your father is abusing you but don't want to tell anyone because you don't want to get him into trouble?

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September 13, 2011 10:24AM

I'm a surviver of sexual abuse and physical abuse. begining at age 4 or 5. by the time i was in my early teens i knew something was wrong with this picture n realized that what he was doing to me was outragious. i hated my father most of my life until he lay in the hospital dying. then i began to release all that pent up anger n hate n realized i really did love him n from that time on the healing processing began n i learned to forgive him. i would encourage you to report him to a pastor or priest if you have one if not find a good bible preaching church and get to know the pastor speak to him and ask his advise find out if he can speak to your father. also find out if the pastor will do any family counseling. tell your mom and encourage her to get him out of the house. your father has mental problems he needs to get help for. he shouldn't be allowed back into the home until he has been in counseling to help him stop the abuse. if you are at a point of hate and anger at him remember you are only hurting yourself and not allowing yourself to heal and to forgive him for what he's done to you. it will never be ok what he's done to you but if you allow yourself time to heal and receive christian counseling yourself i promise it will get better you need to take care of yourself and not worry about anyone else. you are the one who's hurting. please understand if you don't take mesures now it will haunt you for the rest of your life and you'll never be able to trust men and be able to have a healthy relationship with one. women who've been abused sexualy or physicaly are concidered damaged goods to those who don't understand. you aren't damaged goods you are a precious young woman/man who's been betrayed by the very person who's suppose to nuture and love you. but whatever you do get help it's imperitive to take care of your self. most of my adult life i blamed myself n was in one relationship after another. i tried to medicate the pain with drugs, alcohol, and men. none of these are the answer to finding yourself. cater to the child within don't be afraid to speak up n tell someone. if you don't want your father to get into trouble i still encourage you to speak to a pastor n get his advice on what you should do. there are programs and self help groups you can find online or in your community take advantage of them. again begin to heal and take care of yourself because nobody else will. but always remember God is there by your side to lead you encourage you and help you to heal.

Answer

Getting him into trouble, as you say, may actually be helping him. He has a problem and, while it isn't acknowledged outside your home, it is not right since it affects your health and well being. While you are tough enough to "handle it," he is not being held accountable to the rules of parenting (raise the kids, keep them safe). Also, it may help him change the way he thinks and get the help he needs. Unfortunately, there is not any way that victims can change their abuser's minds and ways. The information comes to them in other ways. So, you are faced with telling a teacher, or pastor, if you can get the support you need. A friend can also be a go-between, but they need to carry it to an adult who will take care of the issue. Summer is here, so do something now so you can be set up for the next school year.