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What does it mean if your husband tells you he wants to be alone?

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2005-09-24 19:14:57
2005-09-24 19:14:57

It depends on how he says it. Does he mean he wants "head space" or he wants to move out? I am taking it he wants the "head space." We all are out in society (can be an ugly scene at times) come home tired, the wife/mother who is at home has got her own problems as well, and sometimes we just don't want to have to talk to anyone and only want a private place where we can relax and veg out. My husband and I have been married for 33 years, but we also have problems to work through, we can get angry with each other (we aren't perfect) but where there is a will, there is a way! We live in a small rancher in British Columbia, and fortunately, we have a large piece of property with beautiful gardens, so we either take turns going out and gardening during the good seasons and stay out of each other's way for a bit. We have done this since we were young. We have a 2 bedroom home, so I made the spare bedroom into a bedroom/den/computer room. He works hard all day (I do too) and so sometimes in the evenings, he'll go to the den and I'll stay in the front room and both of us get some peace. Sometimes it's reversed. I may get a few comments from this next sentence, but it works for us: If my husband works very hard (labor intensive work ... spraying large yachts) and he comes home after a 14 - 15 hour shift, I have a hot bubble bath waiting for him and a nice glass of wine sitting on the rim of the tub. After he's relaxed his dinner is ready and waiting. The guy is exhausted, I know and I'm sure he knows it. That's respect! He's done the same for me when I've had a bad day. When we do small things for each other we are making motions towards the person we love that we understand they are tired, stressed out, and we try to help each other achieve that and it's all about respect. Try it! I think your husband will turn his black mood, into a much nicer one. If you find he doesn't do the same for you once in awhile remind him that God didn't just put "M. A. N." on earth, but "man" means the whole of the human race and whether he likes it or not, that includes women and children! Communication is also a big factor in maintaining and understanding a relationship between a couple, so you must sit down and discuss why he "wants to be alone." If he starts the silent treatment (many men do ... they only know they are tired, but can't quite put their finger on why) decide if perhaps you need a good vacation and if you can't afford a large vacation to another country, then take a mini vacation. Sometimes a change of scenery helps. If all of this fails, then you take the vacation and leave him home for a few days. I can guarantee you, he'll have missed you like crazy. Sometimes we don't realize all the good things in our lives are right in front of our eyes. Good luck Marcy

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