Abusers are absolutely about control. They know every move they make and are basically artists at their trade. They know they can't control society around them so they prey on the weak such as parents, the elderly, spouses and children. A male abuser seldom has the guts to face a man one-on-one, but will induce injuries upon a defenseless woman or child. They also seem to know how to give "mental torture." Think of this: A victim of this abuser is use to either hearing cursing, yelling and they just can't please the abusive spouse no matter how hard they try. The victim may be beat up badly at times and suddenly .... silence! It's nerve-racking and the victim just never knows when the silence will end and the abuse will begin again. They are literally standing on a time bomb. An abuser is actually a very weak individual. They may have come from an abusive environment, but there are a few that are just plain mean to the bone for various reasons. There are some men (or women) that feel society hasn't given them the breaks they deserve and all their hopes and dreams of either being famous or having loads of money or even something such as losing their job escapes them and they blame everyone but themselves. Abusers seldom do well in their jobs because they are not mentally stable and have to be careful 100% of the time while at work as to how they SHOULD think and act. They are smart enough to know that the boss won't let him/her get away with their childish behavior in the workplace. This is actually harder on the abuser and by the time he/she gets home all hell breaks loose. Abusers know exactly what they are, but can't seem to grasp the idea of where to go for help. It's like a druggie or an alcoholic that first has to admit they are one, then go for the help. The abuser will blame others for the way they are and seldom seek professional help. Abusers can often grow tired of their spouse they are abusing and will leave to go onto their next victim. You would think this would be a blessing for the victim he left behind, but in fact, the victim misses the abuser because they were told how to act, think and had no control over their own lives. Now they feel deserted, don't know how to respond to the simplest of things out in society and have no idea of how to get a job so they can get back on their feet. They have had their self confidence and dignity ripped from them, and they feel ashamed. Little does the victim know that no one blames them for the trouble they are in and that there is a lot of help out there. In British Columbia the R.C.M.P. work closely with the Abused Women's Centers here and there is an Abuse Center in most American towns and obviously cities. If in doubt, just phone your local Mental Health and they will direct you to the proper help. Also little does the abuser know that he has not left a victim behind, but a very strong individual who has learned to survive through some of the worst scenarios a human should never have to go through. It takes counseling and time for the victim to see just how strong they have been and are going to remain. The abuser will never be happy in any relationship and is actually caught in his/her own web of violence and will lead a long and lonely life. What goes around comes around!
The silent treatment is a common form of abuse used by people who cannot stand to be on the receiving end of another person's self assertiveness. The silent treatment cuts the victim off from the abuser, it sends a distinctive message about how insignificant the victim is and how easy it is for the abuser to live without them. It is utilized by insecure people of weak character and poor self image who cannot keep up their end of a relationship through dialogue. It's their way or else. When you do something that displeases them you cease to exist for a certain period of time. I knew one person who doled out silent treatment punishments in increments of three month periods. We ignored him too!
First, thank God for small mercies. Then treat him with the same courtesy you would reserve for a welcome guest, no more, no less. Ideally without a trace of subservience or resentment. (If he were not abusive I would suggest giving him the silent treatment in return, but it is NEVER wise to antagonise an abuser.)
The "silent treatment" never stands to prove anything because you have to talk things out to be able to try and resolve whatever it is that is going on. The "silent treatment" is unproductive and not worth the time actually it is a huge waste of time. It is not worth wasting the time as we should be thankful for our time with another not arguing about petty things or playing these petty immature games.
"Abuser" and "Silet treatment" are labels, but what do they mean? An abuser is someone who harms you either physicaly or mentally. What is the extent of the abuse? What is the abuser's perspective. Many abusers feel justified in their actions. Many will feel that they were defending themselves emotionally or physically. Of course, if a big man feels threatened by a small woman and the big man uses his strength and size to "defend" himself against a woman who raises her hand against him, he certainly is being physically abusive. There is no excuse for a man to strike either a woman or somenone smaller UNLESS THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION. Unfortunately, abusers either loose control and strike out or consciously decide to control the abused using physical violence and intimidation. One abuser has anger managment issues, the other has self image issues. So first, you need to decide who the abuser is. Next, what is meant by "silent treatment"? Sometimes it's a person who is witholding emotional access in an attempt to manipulate behavior. Other times "silent treatment" can describe the behavior of someone who is ashamed of what he has done but refuses to acknowledge his dispicable behavior and tries to blame it all on the abused. "Look what you made me do." is a classic example of someone who is trying to blame the abused. Simply put, if you can't defend yourself against the abuser, get out. Physical abuse will increase until the abused is seriously injured. Run, don't walk to the nearest womens shelter.
The silent treatment is used often by a mate because they do not want to get into an argument as it only fuels the fire. However continuously being silent does not resolve the problem either and the person who remains silent has options of either leaving that person; getting psychiatric help to deal with the situation. 'The silent treatment' can be misused because some abusive mates will use this to intimidate their other half. As with many other things in life the 'silent treatment' from another person in a bad relationship is often misunderstood.
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