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What is the connection between Narcissism and codependency?

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12/06/2007

My thoughts on your question: I was married to a classic narcissist for 15 years. I didn't have the "narcissist" label to apply until after he left me and I did the research, but I knew I was married to someone with psychological issues. To me the question is why was I waiting for him (through easily the last 9 years of our marriage) to get better? He was in therapy. He had gone to a program for the Children of Alcoholics. He appeared to want to find his way. And I was patiently waiting for him to find some inner peace . . . andstill be loving to me. In hindsight, I believe that every narcissist needs the codependent person who is willing to be their biggest fan (or biggest enemy). And the codependent increasingly becomes obsessed with proving they are one of those. As the biggest fan, I constantly put his needs before mine. As his biggest fan, I felt it was my mission to provide him with the "safety" and "normalcy" that he purported to crave. I put my career on the back burner and put his schedule and the demands of his career way ahead of my own. And I somehow thought he would love me more for all of these choices. Is the codependent person a love addict? I know I was pretty love-starved when I first got involved with my husband. He came on strong when I was 31 and still single, and nobody had ever courted me so aggressively. He asked me to marry him at 3 months of dating, and we married 8 months later. ( Not surprisingly I was his second wife and he and wife #1 (also a 15 year marriage) seemed to obsessively hate each other.) Through therapy I was able to see the issues, but not fully resolve them. I can see some personal codependency in my new relationship (though he's not a narcissist). . . so it's probably back for more therapy. The good news is that I can see it. Now for the hard work of addressing it. By the way, my ex got immediately involved with another woman, his former secretary who is 16 years his junior, and seems to worship him . . .