Marriage
Depression and Bipolar Disorder
John Adams

What should a woman consider before marrying an older man with bipolar disorder who has been married twice?

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April 05, 2016 5:29PM

My advice to ANYONE marrying someone who has been married twice - look hard at what caused the marriages to fail before. In almost all cases it was a two way street, and unless there has been a lot of change and/or counseling in the life of the potential spouse, there isn't any reason to think the outcome will be different this time. Please think this out. I don't think it's a good idea. The fact he has been married twice before means he is not willing to take a good hard look at himself and get help for his problem. It is so true that more women seek psychiatric help than men do. Most men feel they must, at all costs, be a man and figure their problems out themselves (you know ... the old stiff upper lip thing.) Marriage is tough enough, so I'd wait a bit before you consider marriage. If you truly love him, and he's not getting help for his problem just tell him like it is ... get help, then we will think about marriage. Unfortunately, many people seem to believe that they can "make it better". All this person needs is the right loving, caring individual to help them and all of the problems will go away. If the guy is bipolar there is good reason to be concerned.

My advice: Run.Marriage is a wonderful union when it's with the right person. I would advise you to be mindful of the redflags you raised just with your question alone. The first thing being that you already labeled him. Bipolar man. This is an illness that can bring with it times of sweet sweet highs, and deep dark lows. Being married to someone who is bipolar can be difficult simply because you can't fix the hurts this illness can cause. You can't be the one to make someone want treatment if they aren't willing to accept they are ill. Sometimes it's hurtful to be alongside someone who is ill and you are just going to have to ride out the highs and lows. There are medication changes, side effects, the symptoms can be unbearable for the one who is bipolar. So you can imagine how it can affect the one who is loving and living the illness without actually having been diagnosed with it. Being in love, married to, or live with someone who is bipolar is the closest you can come to actually having it, without having it. But to label him already, you might need to educate yourself about what you are willing to walk down the isle with. So that when things come up you have some idea how to deal with what is bipolar, and what is just everyday life. Sometimes the line is sooooo very thin, it's hard to tell. I would also look at the flags that are raised about why he has been married 2 times.

And when he talks about his ex wives what does he say? Does he accept any responsibility when it comes to saying why those marriages failed? If he doesn't I don't know if I would be so quick to walk down the isle with him.