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What should you do if you're 39 and have been in a relationship for 20 years and recently a friend has been hugging you when you see each other and you are both religious but you feel it means more?

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September 22, 2005 7:16AM

I'm a Christian and religious or not, we each should have pride and dignity within ourselves to be honest with those that come into our lives and that means our choice of partners. We owe them the respect they give us. Religion has nothing to do with it. You are asking permission to cheat! It appears that you have reached your 20 year period like climbing up to a grand plateau and standing on the top, arms held high towards the sky, shouting down at anyone that will listen, "Look everyone, I've made the 20 year mark!" I've known my husband for 38 years, and been married to him for 33 of those years. Do I fantasize at times or see a nice looking man and give my eyebrows a couple of tosses ... you bet your life I do, but I know when I have something good and I'm never willing to risk that for I've learned long ago that the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. In a normal week I give hugs or am hugged over 16 or more times, and I only know that I hug those I care about (male/female) and I want to let them know that they are and how better to do that then a big hug and vice-versa. This doesn't mean I'm in love with the opposite sex. Touching in this world is something we all need. Even a pat on the back, hand on an arm, or a good strong hug makes us take that one more step when life gets tough. You both already know your feelings are strong towards each other and it's no longer a guessing game. Being married for many years doesn't give anyone the right to grow bored and want some new toy. Sorry, but I'm not going to be the one to say, "Heck, kick that loyal mate of yours to the curb and have an affair with the one you truly think you love." My suggestion is to either see a marriage counselor (it's confidential so church members will never know) or perhaps go on a holiday with your mate and see if you can think things out more clearly and communicate together. If that doesn't work, then pick up your fishing pole, sit out on a lake in a boat and do some deep thinking! This isn't all about you, but crushing someone else's heart. If you've tried your very best and can't help how you feel or there are reasons in you marriage that neither of you are willing to resolve then it's time to decide to part company, but NEVER cheat! You owe your mate that much. God Bless Marcy