Mental Health
Child Development

What should you do if you believe your 13-year-old daughter is turning into a pathological liar and you have tried everything you know?

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2006-02-01 22:52:12
2006-02-01 22:52:12

Children lie because when they hurt they simply make things up in their minds to cope with the situation and eventually it's hard for them to define the truth from the lie. Often parents blame the children, when they should be looking either within themselves or talking to their children like adults (even though they aren't) and ask what is going on in their lives. If you are divorced, have had abuse in the family, arguing constantly, alcoholism, drugs, etc., to deal with in your family, then the children will react to trying to cope with this as best they can. They could be bullied at school and are afraid to say something (that's going on a lot in the Canadian schools) so instead of blaming your child for lying try to find out the cause. Firstly, take note of yourself and husband and if all is well there, then talk to your daughter and find out what is going on at school or with her friends. ALL kids will lie. Look back on your childhood. Often we forget what it was like to be a child. I lied to my parents about going to a movie or seeing a boyfriend and would tell them I would be at a girlfriends and I'd have a girlfriend cover for me. I knew the lying was wrong, but with youth, we are learning "The good, the bad and the ugly" of life and that's just the way it has to be. I also use to smoke in my bedroom (have room spray handy) and like a complete idiot (thinking I was fooling my parents) threw the butts out the window into the garden below knowing full well my father would be weeding in that section of the garden on the weekend. Of course my father knew and so, he made me sit there and smoke a whole pack of smokes right in front of him! I never got sick, so the next thing he tried on me were cigars and trust me when I say I was a great shade of lime green! I also came home stinking drunk at the age of 16 (never touched a drop before) but I wanted to be cool around my friends. I had such a hang-over the next morning and my parents made sure they made as much noise as possible. My head was on the ceiling! LOL They said nothing to me about it, and I think that was more unnerving than if they yelled and screamed at me and they gave me that pathetic look of "we trusted you and you let us down" and by gosh .... it worked! I never got drunk again until I was old enough to drink legally. Every so often it's up to the parents to kick some butt. I know it's extremely tough to raise kids today because control has been taken out of the parent's hands as far as not spanking, setting down hard and fast rules from day one and fighting drugs, alcohol, sex (which is everywhere) and on and on it goes. Let us not forget that some doctor with a few kids, or some bored housewife has a book published on the right way to bring up your kids! I don't think so! All children are individuals and must be treated as such. What works for one child may not necessarily work for another. We hear of more crimes towards kids as well and it's a wonder parents don't end up in a rubber room from all the worry. If you try talking to your daughter then LISTEN! Don't interrupt even if you would like to half strangle her, but just let her vent it out. Somewhere in that mixed conversation will be some clues and that's what you have to go by. If you don't think you can handle it then take your daughter to a child psychologist where he/she can work with her and the family as a whole. Even though children are young and haven't experienced a whole lot of life I still go by "out of the mouths of babes" meaning, just sometimes, during their innocent years they make more sense out of things than adults do. Often times we all have a tendency to talk too much and not listen. I have been practicing very hard to listen and then talk. Good luck Marcy I'm not really sure but maybe you and her should go see someone about it.

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