Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

What should you do if you experienced two frightening incidences of abuse years apart but your husband quit drinking and everything seemed to get better but five years later he did it again?


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2005-11-25 20:19:07
2005-11-25 20:19:07

I am so sorry this is happening to you and it's difficult because I have no doubt your husband is probably a wonderful man when not drinking, but when he does, he's a monster you just don't want to know. My father was like this. The most wonderful, caring and loving person one could ever want to meet. He and my mom would have terrible fights over his drinking. I remember growing up in that atmosphere with my dad coming home late at night and my mother angry and the fight was on. I would lay in my bed with a pillow over my head and a heavy heart at the same time, and I couldn't just lay there like that and not protect my mother. I was 6 years old and it kept on for 25 years. 5 year intervals at times, and sometimes 2 years would go by without an incident. It was like walking on egg shells and has left me to this day with a bad stomach. So now, if I am stressed out that old acid just pours into my stomach and it's a quick reminder for me to deal with my stress in another manner. Yes, I did seek help for what has happened to me and so should you. My father passed away in 1973 and I still love that man to this day, but certainly don't miss the hell he put our family through. Unfortunately, it left my mother with bitter memories and basically destroyed her life from ever having another relationship after my father passed on. It was so sad. Alcohol and drugs can do such a number on a person's personality. You love them when they are kind and their old selves, and almost hate them when they are drunk, high on drugs and if the law would allow it you'd like to dispose of them in a quick fashion. However, in reality we can either sit idly by or stand on our feet and face the problem. You should sit down with your husband (HAVE A FRIEND OF FAMILY MEMBER CLOSEBY IN ANOTHER ROOM FOR SAFETYS SAKE) and tell him if he doesn't go for help then you are going to leave. Be sure you tell him when he is sober. He may cry, beg for forgiveness, but don't buy it! You have to prepare to leave the very day you discuss this with him because he could turn violent after this discussion is over and that person you had over for protection has left. Alcholics are not well, and they don't mean to do the things they do, but there is help out there and all you need to do is go with him to your doctor and they will put him in a program and you can attend a separate one called "Alanon" that helps you understand the inner alcholic. Give it a try and don't sit there hoping and wishing he'll change. He won't. There is something deep within himself that he has never allowed out of his very soul and he needs help to dig that problem out of there. Good luck hon Marcy Leave NOW! You are in danger. I'm serious. Talk to an abuse counselor, get into a shelter, whatever it takes, get away from that situation. No real man ever hits a woman. There is no excuse for it EVER. How can you claim to love something then try to destroy it? Don't put up with that. GET OUT NOW!


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