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What should you do if your boyfriend suffers from depression and this morning he punched you in the arm and kicked you in the knee which put it out of joint?

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2005-11-09 02:13:53
2005-11-09 02:13:53

If your boyfriend is not getting therapy or on any medication for his depression then he must get help. Depression is growing in leaps and bounds due to genetics, but also the fast-paced way of life we lead. Too much work such as college, high stress jobs, family problems, and maintaining your job are all good reasons for certain people to become depressed. However, some people are preconditioned for depression by their gene pool. If you can talk to him ask him if anyone else in his family was depressed. If he is honest and can remember, more than likely several people in his family had depression. Unfortunately, up until the 60s depression wasn't recognized as it is today. During this time it was "pull up your socks", "busy hands are happy hands" etc., and people hobbled along as best they could and "just got on with life." This doesn't mean they conquered their problems and it was a toss up as to who would survive and if the rest would survive with dignity and live in secrecy. Even today your grandparents probably wouldn't recognize depression and possibly your parents just don't want to talk about such things, so it's tough to narrow down. Depressed or not it doesn't give your boyfriend or anyone else that suffers depression the right to hit another person. I suffered from depression during the early 70s, but was lucky to find a good doctor who put me on a medication called, "Amitriptyline" that worked wonders for me. I only had to be on it 6 months and then weaned off. It's not addictive, but medically speaking you don't want to send the brain into a "crash mode" by stopping the medication suddenly. I can honestly say it saved my life. Later, with much digging around I did find out that not only did my father, but several relatives had suffered from depression. At the time I whirled into depression my father had a severe stroke, and between just getting married, working long hours and helping my mother out with my father it was enough to throw me into panic attacks and depression. I had to quit my job. There are some people that are mildly depressed and some who are deeply depressed. This does not make a depressed person a weak individual, but unless they seek help it can, in some cases, destroy their life as they knew it before. It can cause you to quit or lose your job, destroy family life and generally make the depressed person feel useless and out of control. Life is hard to live when you feel this way. The good thing is there is lots of help out there. The first step is to get your boyfriend to a good doctor to be diagnosed and go from there. Cognative Therapy is a wonderful tool. I took classes on it. It teaches you how to take a bad situation or even one single dismal thought in your brain and basically "fool the brain." For instance: You are at a family function and one of your relatives becomes verbally abusive to you. Of course it hurts your feelings, but when you calm down this is what Cognative Therapy does ...... Without making excuses for that person you can realize what an unhappy person your relative is, and that there has to be a good reason why they are so miserable. You have two choices ... stand up to this person, or see them as having problems that they are in denial of and just walk away. Always be true to yourself and you know if someone accuses you of something and it's not true, then it's good enough you know about this in yourself and who cares what anyone else thinks. I found this method so helpful in my life. I am 63 years old and as we age depression even can get higher on our list so I work hard at it and I'm happy to say with the tools I've learned, the medication my doctor had me on before, and lots of exercise, plus keeping busy with work and hobbies I feel I am a whole person. I have loads of friends who tell me their problems and it's a great balance and makes you realize that most of the feelings you have are normal and your friends prove that to you when they talk about their problems. I have also learned I am not perfect and never will be. Most of us never learn that one about ourselves and thus, we struggle for years trying to be everything to everybody. Be you! Find a good male friend that your boyfriend respects and have him come over one night. Then quietly sit down with your boyfriend and tell him he needs to get help. (Do your research on depression on the Internet so all 3 of you can understand it.) Tell your boyfriend he needs help and there are so many people out there with depression (famous and non-famous.) Nicolas Cage, Johnny Depp, Sting, etc. These people also fight with depression, but have over-come it due to good medication and the right tools to deal with their lives. Go on www.google.com and type in: famous actors who suffer from depression. Print it out and show it to your boyfriend. Perhaps when he sees this he will realize that he is not alone with depression. Almost 3/4 of the population in the U.S. and Canada suffer from mild to severe depression and some people don't even know it. Don't be surprised if your boyfriend is in denial, becomes angry (that's why his best buddy should be there with you) and will fight to the bitter end. Then you say, "I've got my bags packed, and if you aren't willing to get help for your depression I'm walking right out that door! I love you, and if you are willing to get help I will be there 100% for you, but I will not tolerate you ever hitting me again." Mean it! If you don't leave and still stay, then all you are doing is enabling him and allowing him to get away with his bad behavior. If you boyfriend does social drugs, drinks alcohol, large amounts of coffee, or even some types of pop, then these things will only make the depression worse. Be sure you find out if he is on any social drugs and you would know if he drinks too much. It is important to understand that "depression" was always considered a weak title and only women got it! Men were taught to be strong, never get sick, can't cry and so on. More and more we are realizing that men have feelings too and thank God they are beginning to express those feelings even if it means crying. Depression can hit all races, famous, poor, middle-class. It is so, so important you stand your ground with your boyfriend and get the help for him he needs. You can't stay with him the way things are. He's frustrated, scared and angry, but if he's drowning his sorrows in booze or drugs this will only make matters worse and dangerous for you. Good luck Marcy dump him and get a new man!!!!!!!!!!!!

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