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Hi again ... Thanks for being so candid and sharing your personal life with all of us. It certainly helps all of us to understand everything a little better. Firstly, quit beating yourself up and realize that EVERYONE makes mistakes. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a passion and being loyal and good to that person, not to mention loving them deeply. You simply picked the wrong guy! No matter how loving one is, they shouldn't over indulge their mate and make things too easy and there should always be an air of mystery from a woman. NEVER let a man know just how far they can push you (this goes for men with problems with women who are users.) Then you have to be honest with yourself and see this guy for what he really is ... a manipulator, liar and a user. He doesn't care one bit about your feelings and before long he'll grow weary of the girl he's spoiling right now, take her for a ride and move on to yet another girl. Be glad you are rid of him! The first mistake you made was asking the question "What is it you want? What do you want to do?" You should have taken it under your own control, stood your ground and told him you weren't putting up with this and he had a choice right then and there between you or this coworker. The second mistake was, after all his cheating you wrote him a letter saying you were willing to try and work it out. You had the upper hand, he was the jerk, and I wouldn't have thrown water on him if he was on fire! You shouldn't have told HIM "to let you go!" You are stronger than you think and this shouldn't have been his decision, but yours and you should have kicked his butt out the door then! He literally stripped you of your dignity and you let him! There is nothing wrong with you with the exception of loving someone the way a good man should be loved and you picked the wrong guy. You tried your best and it's not about you at all, but his insecurities, selfishness and immaturity and you have no control over that, but you did have control of stopping this behavior long before you did. As far as him spending money hand over fist on his girlfriend, he got what he deserved! She used and abused him and now they are no more. He got a good taste of his own medicine and hopefully it will sink in and he'll learn a lesson as to how shabbily he treated you. He had a good woman and he blew it! Why wouldn't he be very emotional towards you. He treated you like crap, you took it, he left, he spent all this money on this girlfriend and now they're split and he may want to come back with his tail between his legs. DON'T DO IT! He also knows that he can legally be responsible for ALL debts that he accrued re his girlfriend and he is hoping you'll help bail him out. DON'T DO IT! You said the magic words "I yearn to be MYSELF again." Think! What were you like before you met this loser??????? I bet you were were fairly mature and more independent then you were after you met him. YOU WILL NEVER feel the same way about this guy again. How can you? He has done every rotten thing he possibly could do to you and the worst part is he stripped you of your dignity and had little respect for you. Are you going to learn a lesson from this, or start all over again with him and get duped yet once again? In all fairness I'll tell you about myself and my first husband. My parents and friends didn't like my first husband when we were dating and warned me about him, but I loved him and thought I could change any rough edges he had. Believe me, he had more rough edges around his lying hide than I really knew about (I was 19 and in love with blinders on.) I married him at 22 and it wasn't long before he was lying to me, cheating on me, and then things got mentally abusive until he turned physically abusive towards me. At first I was ashamed of hiding this from my parents and friends, but, I finally blew one day (where the strength came from I have no idea) and I booted his butt out of our basement suite. I went out apartment hunting, changed jobs, dumped most of our old friends and started fresh. I had nights were I thought I missed him and I cried myself to sleep as well, but later realized it was about all the investment of loving and loyalty I had put into this jerk and he basically spat on all of it. He would phone begging me to come back and a couple of times I almost caved in, but something in the pit of my stomach made me stand my ground. I never went back to him and I never looked back! I moved on and in doing so I ended up meeting a wonderful man, dating (taking it slow and easy) and then got married. We've been married for 34 years. Every so often I think to myself, "What if I had gone back to my ex? I wouldn't have met this wonderful man in my life now and I probably would have had further abuse and a terrible life with my ex and a couple of kids to complicate the matter." So hon, get the courage to kick this jerks backside out the door and tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. Yes, you'll cry and feel lonely and regret it for a bit, but trust me when I say, that if you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get out in the world, start seeing friends, start socializing more you'll meet that special someone you truly deserve. Don't become a statistic out there. You are stronger than this. Good luck Marcy It's obvious you are hurt and angry and I don't blame you. You appear to be the type of person that wears their heart on their sleeve and got taken for a ride. You aren't the first person to go through this and you won't be the last person. You would have had to co-sign for the loans (foolish) and I am sure you know that now. One should NEVER co-sign for anyone unless they are able to afford the financial loss and put wings on that money (this includes family members or friends.) Only a lawyer can help you on this one and I would retain one as quickly as possible. If your ex has a fairly decent job, you may well be able to slip under the rail and have him make good on these loans. A court of law can FORCE him. In my first marriage my husband was a stock car racer on weekends and he had borrowed a lot of money. When we split-up the creditors were coming after me even though my ex was making good money. Creditors love to go after the woman because they feel they can manipulate and instill fear into women more than men. I stood my ground and I went to a lawyer and went to court! I won! He had to pay every cent back. I simply didn't have the money to pay his outstanding debts. Good luck Marcy Hi- It is me, who stood by & watched and asked OVER & OVER repeatedly - What is it you want? - What do you want to do? - During the 8 month emotional affair with his young co-worker from a job site that he and her had met on in Sept/2004,I had visited a lawyer, I had a real estate person come through the home of my dreams, I had written out 2 very emotional and very fair letters to him - ALWAYS READY, WILLING, to work it out to what he wanted to do - As I kept stating to him that I just was not able to continue on like this and that I just wanted him to be free and happy as he was with her, But I could not tolerate any more of his excuses of I don't know what I want to do & all the lies and false promises that it was over between them. Then came the evening of March/2005, where I found another recit and that for some reason I was ssooo CALM! I approached him and told him right out that *I* - *ME* - Was telling him for a change - That if there was any or just a little bit of RESPECT there towards me, at all - To PLEASE, PLEASE let me go!!! As I was now Finished & at the End of My Rope with this 8 month emotional affair!!! DONE! I went upstairs to my bedroom and I just bawled, as I really down deep was not ready to end my marriage (And to this day - I do not know why I took the verbal abuse and cruel actions done to me; Many nights gone, My first COLD Christmas & New Years without him,etc,etc - No, I have not forgotten any of it!and I sometimes think that there is something wrong with me...As I ask myself, I took all this for the Love I feel for him?,But that's another problem I am dealing with at the moment - me?) Well it will be May/2006 here soon and it has been quite the year since it finally ended between them. What I did come to learn is that during that 8 months he had opened up 3 credit cards and took out a loan from a financial company and SPENT-SPENT MONEY to buy her boots, shoes, custom made leather coat, $200 jeans, etc,etc - bought her a parrot too and furnished her whole home from kitchen appliances (stove,fridge, coffee maker,micro wave-you name she got it! then to living room furniture, etc and the bedroom furniture and Wow-did they go out eating and drinking alot-$$$$$$......) What it came down to and this is not including interest is that she had $35,000.00 spent on her! And I have been (again) wondering how the hell am I supposed to deal with this too!!! He has been so very SORRY - very Emotional towards me - Even told me that he has Thanked God many times for having me stay by him! But he wants to BLOCK IT ALL OUT and has told me he is going to make it up to me! But I am at limbo- I am not my true happy self - I don't really trust him - I don't feel secure like I did at one time. But I yearn to be myself again and I yearn to really feel like we did when we first began our relationship!!! So if anyone out there can give me some advice or tell me if this has ever happened to you - PLEASE, let me know!!! THANKS for the replies

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โˆ™ 2006-04-16 09:08:27
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Q: What should you do if your husband had an 8-month emotional affair that is over but now you are facing 4-year loans in the amount of 35000 that he spent on his co-worker?
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Related questions

Should your husband tell his coworker that their emotional affair is over?

If it is yes most definately.


If husband works at place and his having affair with coworker or boss can the wife sue the person or the workplace?

Probably not. -MJB


Could your wife be having an emotional affair with a coworker?

If your wife changes taste in music or wants to do more company get togethers, watch out.


How can the wife deal with a husband in an emotional affair?

The key to most problems is good communication skills. Be absolutely sure that your husband is even in an emotional affair. It is sometimes common when a husband is having marriage problems that they may seek out either a female coworker or some other female they know. You need to sit down with your husband in private (no children around if you have children) or go for a walk just the two of you and without accusations ask your husband if he is unhappy in the marriage. If he does not respond and you know for sure he is having an emotional affair then let him know it and that you are not going to stand by and enable his behavior. You could both go to marriage counseling where you will gain the tools to deal with marriage problems. If you husband is not willing to try in the marriage and as much as it may break you heart tell him you are not putting up with his emotional affair (leaving you out) and you will go for a separation to give both of you some space to figure out what you are going to do in the marriage.


If your husband is talking a lot with a female coworker on the phone and youcall her to ask her questions and she acts like she don't know him is this a problem?

Most definitely - sounds like the start of an affair or they are already having an affair, confront your husband or her face to face.


How the unhappy married woman stop emotional affair at workplace?

First, if you are unhappily married you should most definitely talk about it with your husband. See if there is something he can do differently to increase your happiness. Otherwise, move to Egypt. To stop your emotional affair (if you decide to leave your husband you dont have to) turn the person against you by avoiding them, so they constantly diss you so you no longer have your emotional affair.


What can you do if you are in a Dentention Center and an ex coworker had an affair with my husband and betrayed our friendship?

There isn't much you can do while in a Dentention Center. Why blame your coworker when your husband has a mouth and could have said 'no!' It's best to move forward in your life and leave both of them behind. Start a new life.


What is the Impact of an Emotional Affair on Children?

define emotional affair


Is my teacher having an affair with a coworker?

yes


How do you end your husband's emotional affair?

* Ending an emotional affair is difficult because there is no physical contact between your husband and the other woman and the mind is free to think as that individual allows it. If your husband is willing you should seek marriage counseling so you can learn the tools to communicate with your spouse and they you and if your husband will have nothing to do with counseling then be blunt in saying you are not wasting your life on him if he continues to have this emotional affair and will at least get a separation from him in hopes he will see how hurtful he is being to you and if he does not snap out of it divorce will be your next step. By allowing him to do as he pleases and staying with you then you are enabling this emotional affair. Often humans want what they cannot have and this may well be where your husbands thoughts are now.


Husband told me he had a 6 month emotional affair with a coworker and he kissed her once but is there a way to tell if he slept with her and just told me as little as possible because it hurt me?

The fact your husband cared enough to tell you about his emotional affair even though he knew it would hurt you took some fortitude on his part and his guilt has compelled him to be honest which most men seldom are. Never mind if he slept with her or not, but relish in the thought he loved you enough to tell you the truth. Humans make mistakes and your husband made one. It will take time for you to trust him again, but in time you will. Remember, he didn't have to tell you.


What do you say to the person your husband is having an emotional affair with?

Take what you said to your husband (because, you know, he's not without blame for this, either), and modify it as you see fit.


My husband is calling a previous mistress and in am emotional relationship with her Will it become another affair in time?

yes the same hapend to me and fast


How can I explain my affair to my husband and that there was no intimacy?

You will have to think very clearly about telling your husband about having an emotional affair. Most men do not believe a woman can have an emotional affair and not have a sexual relationship. There is a high possibility that your husband may not believe that when you had an affair there was no sex involved although this is highly possible, but not in his mind. What you can do is learn good communication skills and you must have had your reasons (that clouded your judgment) to have an affair and you need to deal with these problems. Take time to think why you felt the need to have an emotional affair in the first place and then sit down with your husband and express why you are unhappy in the marriage and perhaps seek Marriage Counseling or the two of you could make a better effort with each other to make your marriage a more solid one. Once you have broken that bond of trust with your spouse it is difficult to gain their trust back.


Can you face and overcome the emotional roadblock of your husband affair so you can heal?

u can over come anything if u put your mind to it :)


What are signs that you are having an emotional affair?

An "emotional affair" is an affair, which excludes physical intimacy but includes emotional intimacy. It may also be called an affair of the heart. Where one partner is in a committed monogamous relationship, an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair breaches an agreement in the monogamous relationship of one of the partners to the affair, the term infidelity may be more apt source: wikipedia


What are the release dates for An Emotional Affair - 2013?

An Emotional Affair - 2013 was released on: USA: 4 November 2013


How many months does a emotional affair last?

Each individual is different when it comes to an emotional affair. It can last a couple of months to more than a year. The person having the emotional affair has to make the decision in their own lives. Ask themselves if the person they are having an emotional affair with has a mate or is married (that is a no-no) or does the person that is the target of the emotional affair care for the other person the same way. If the person is unattached and the person who is having the emotion affair with them should be communicating how they feel to this person.


Husband had an emotional affair with co-worker and still works with her?

ANSWER:Did your husband had physical affair with this woman? If he did I think it's time for you to put your feet out there and tell him what is wrong with your relationship together. If he don't comply with you, then talk to that woman he work with and be person who do cares about you not wanting for her to connect with your husband anymore because he is not being honest with you.


Your husband made regular calls to a female coworker 1 to 4x per wk on his way to office He also lied about a dinner they had when you were away Not sure what to do Is this emotional affair?

Do they work on projects together that they talk about on the drive to work, or do they talk about seeing each other on the way to work. If he was not feeling guilty would he have lied about the dinner? I would have no problem with my spouse having dinner with a coworker - as long as he wasn't doing it in such a way that he was lying or sneaking out. People need to eat, coworkers have things in common. There is nothing wrong until it becomes secretive. Can you surprise your husband by stopping by to take him out for lunch - check out the vibe. Step between the coworker and your hubby, let her know your man is taken - remind him too. Maybe you can have hubby invite Ms Coworker and her husband or bf over for dinner - if she knows where the bathroom is without being told you may have your answer. If she doesn't have a bf or husband - set her up, go on a double date. Watch carefully. This could be the start of an affair - this could be a long term affair just coming to the light - this could be nothing at all. Don't make an accusation unless you know for a fact what is what. Don't look for trouble if you aren't prepared to deal with the answer.


Can you recover from emotional affair of your husband and rebuild your marriage?

It depends on how much you love him and know that he'll never do it again. It will take time to rebuild your marriage but if you both put the hard work into it, then the affair can just be left in the past.


Is having an emotional affair worst than having sexual affair?

Like what I wrote in my first one, yes it is. emotional affair is worst than anything else when our spouse have the affair. Emotional affair does not contain sex between the married man and the other person but you can be sure that they do fantasize it and talk to each others how it will feel if they can kiss or touch one another...


Can a woman have an emotional affair with a woman?

yes.


Can a narcissist have an emotional affair?

Yes, with themselves.


Is an emotional affair worst than a sexual affair?

Definitely, emotional affair is all about betraying your love. This affair is all about connection between a married man or married woman to their opposite sex. Heart is already involve with this affair. With sexual affair is all about lust and fun with another person who is not their spouse..