What to do if a lesbian fall in love with your wife?

Answer 1

This is really an opinion thing, but here goes. If she is truly a lesbian and is not just curious or bisexual, then I think you need a divorce, as this would make you incompatible on the most basic level. Can you see yourself married to a man? Also, I don't think you should be offended if she is a lesbian. I would not see it as her using you, she obviously did not want to "come out of the closet" and needed a husband to keep up her charade, and she loves you enough (though not as a husband) to select you for that job. Or she may not have known she was a lesbian at the time when you were married.

If she is bisexual or curious, then this means she is capable of loving you as a husband and your marriage is worth saving. If you don't want her to have sex with other women, then you need to express this to her. I would not recommend threesomes, however, as this almost always leads to jealousy and would only hurt your relationship even more.

Answer

You would decide, after long deep conversations if you two want to remain together despite the differences in sexual orientation. As Ask Abby says, "would you be better off staying together or being apart?"

Answer 2

Get in there and have a 3 way!

Talk with her about it. If you have not already done so it is time to agree

some ground rules for your relationship, cetainly time to re-evaluate it. It appears she has a need that is not being met within marriage so she is looking outside and is prepared to jeopardise her relationship with you in order to do so.

But first, perhaps you should review your own expectations? Would you consider it okay if you slept with another woman but not if your wife does? Would it be okay if she slept with another man? Do you have an active sex life with your wife? What are the benefits of being married with your wife and what are the negative aspects. Be prepared to share this with her, perhaps with the guidance of an experienced counsellor.

On no account suggest a three-some - it would only be counter-productive.

Answer 3

If you are dating a girl and you do not think she is attracted to you (whether or not this is due to her being lesbian or just not being into you), it is best to either discuss with her why she does not find you attractive so that you can work on it, or decide to move on. The first choice takes a lot more courage than dumping her and seeking a new partner, and only you can decide if she is worth that effort.

If after asking her why she is not sexually attracted to you, she reveals that she is a lesbian, then you will need to move on to another relationship.

Answer 4

You support her! It's not easy coming out of the closet. I should know, I did on my 13th birthday. If she doesn't know you know, you don't have to confront her about it. But when she does come out of the closet, let her know that she is loved and it doesn't matter.

Answer 5

• Tell her you love her.
• Tell her that she and her friends are always welcome.
• Find the nearest chapter of PFLAG (Parents and friends of Lesbians and Gays) so you can find out how great it is to have a gay daughter.
• Read all you can about homosexuality so you can understand your daughter better.
• Ask her to help you understand all about it.
• Remember that it has taken you many years to understand yourself, and maybe she is just beginning, so she needs your support and understanding.
• Make sure she is strong enough to deal with bullying comments at school or at her work. Find out the school policy on this.

Answer 6

You would accept her the same as before you knew. She didn't just become a lesbian overnight. Most consider lesbianism to be inborn, but even if that is not how it were to work, it would take years to form. She didn't just up an choose it all at once to be sure. My point is that she was a lesbian long before you found out, and you likely loved her and respected her. So why change how you feel toward her?

Also, it likely took a great a great deal of courage to come out to you or others in the family, and she likely made the disclosure out of a trust for whoever she told. So if she told you, it was because she felt it was safe to tell you.

Now if you have some questions, she might be up to answering them, provided they are respectful and not the stereotypical ones. For the others, just put yourself in her place and think about the answers. For instance, it you are heterosexual, ask yourself why you have to be heterosexual and why you haven't found someone of the same gender to date or marry yet. Then you might say, "That's just not in me, I don't feel that way." But questions that would be unique to her would be good ones to ask,, such as how she's felt over the years and while growing up.

Overall, just treat your sister the same as before, unless of course this opens up new dialog and a new basis for connection. Often having to hide such a secret causes folks to shut down emotionally, and now, maybe the two of you have more of a basis for genuine dialog and a newfound closeness.

Answer 7

It depends upon how your wife feels about the lesbian.

Answer 8

There is nothing you need to do except be supportive. If you found out without your sister's knowledge, you need to keep it to yourself until she's ready to talk.