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Why are men so closed and secretive when it comes to relationships and women can be so open?

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2011-09-13 22:16:24
2011-09-13 22:16:24

I Guees, that's a burning question for all of us, male or female ...i guess my retort is:

ultimately, what are the primary and absolute needs in your relationship? that is: what is it you must have in order to feel happy, content and safe within a realtionship? Being male myself i sometimes find myself closed and secretive when it comes to relationships, However, i belive your statement is a bit generalistic since woman can also be as closed minded and secretive..i certainly don't belive men have a monopoly on this social missbehaviour.

the important thing to see is, wether you concern yourself with wether your ideal ideals are that of fantacy and not of a realistic address.

i too have asked asked as a man, are respect, communication and security all part of our grandparents ideal and not one that should be toyed with now??

If i was to start by mentioning my own thoughts, i would have to start with my need for respect, and as simple as that word may seem, ones ability to be able to communicate, honestly without the need to yell or, become aggressive, or even repress and shut down, seems to be an attribute that few people can can endure--male or female. its simple..DON'T Screw AROUND--be faithfull and loyal to your partner, speak of the other like you want them to speak of you, never demoralize or trivialize the others wants needs or concerns and beyond all: don't cast dispertions behind there back, no matter how trivial you feel they may be

Next, ones ability to communicate, in a fashion that promotes respect and forward motion during both comunication as well as the functionality of a relationship--quite often when debating issues that are emotional in nature, one party fails to see the legitimacy of the others concern; trivializing what the other feels to be a warranted concern( i admit I've done this myself--unintentionally of course)--and thereby failing to provide validation--and ultamatly frustrating the other and in your words becoming "closed and secretive" . it is said, and i agree full heartidly, that its important to not only recognize what there needs are but for them to recognize your own--what is said may not always be what you feel to be important; however, the person your with is (or at least should be), and what's important to him/her is important to you; i myself trully try to respect that and, expect the same when in a relationship, and when not recipricated human nature is to become closed and secretive --it doesnt come naturally but it is something iyou must work on--The last thing most people want is to hurt the one they care for.

Beyond all; however, a need to feel secure in your decision to show affection and knowing, that your vulnerabilities are protected. ( the social construct is that men shouldn't feel emotions on any real level, however, this is symply not the fact, and alot of men are conflicted and pulled by social wants and their own wants--the whole nature nuture debate on a different lvl . how wonderfull would it be to feel satifaction in simply knowing i love her without the need for reasurence; however, most are not that secure, one must know, feel and hear that they are loved; and, this can be done in a multitude of ways form simply saying once a day: i love you, to small gestures of romance and affection--a simple hug can never be gratuitous. it really sucks to feel that you love the other way more than they love you. the worst thing, i have found, is to become complacent after years, or sometimes months, in a relationship (male or female). if the person I'm with can show them simple characteristics they have the means to be someone quite special in my heart--and if they can't, well, like you said its easy at that point to become closed off in an effort to protect yourself

good luck i hope i helped and sweet dreams-we all have them

Women are emotional creatures that bond from verbal communication. Men generally aren't built for verbal, emotional conversation; but more for physical activities. It's not that we are secretive, but have no interest in sharing their feelings. If a guy opens up a little, a woman will pick-axe her way into his inner being. After learning that lesson, he is less apt to want to open up. Many women tend to be manipulative and go overboard in trying create scenarios based on some inner feeling a man may have expressed, turning a normal situation into a circus. Men have no need to visit their feelings, we don't usually know what our feelings are. Why think about something that don't want to, not see any point in what we will do with it if it comes up.

AnswerThis is obviously someone that is insecure about sharing his feelings. Yes men are built different in how they share their emotions. But, if a man is truly into you and wants his relationship to work, he will be very open and not "closed". Chances are he hasn't been very honest with you. He is probably in the relationship for convenience. Communication is the key to success in any relationship. It could also be that he was raised in a very closed-minded conservative household. Most men from a young age are taught to be tough. Showing feelings is a sign of weakness. Break Ups AnswerMy current boyfriend has been accused of being closed-off by exs. "I feel like I don't really know you." He is nothing like that, and he has been the same in all of his relationships. He is just quiet and introspective and doesn't much like to talk about how he feels. I almost never ask. On the occasions when I can tell something is really really wrong I will give him some space to tell me and if he doesn't I will ask. But not "What's wrong?" more like "Is everything okay?" Usually he tells me, sometimes he lies and says its fine and then tells me another day, sometimes he just says something is wrong but doesn't explain. That's fine. If he wants to talk about something he knows I will listen, not pry or badger him. If he doesn't, sometimes it almost drives me crazy but I let it be. He hugs me all the time, always lets me pick the restaurant, listens when I need an ear and tries everything I enjoy at least once. I know he loves me, respects me and would never hurt me and that's all I need to know.
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