Why is it hard to have intimacy with your spouse even though you have forgiven him for cheating on you?

  • Women for the most part are romantics; when they love they are extremely passionate about it and are geared towards complete commitment from the one they love. Most wives are extremely loyal towards their spouse and therefore feel they have nothing to fear until some husbands decide to have an affair and it comes as a great shock to the woman. The wife feels deeply hurt and heartbroken; she may feel stupid for being made a fool of; she is jealous of the other woman and wonders what the other woman had that she did not have; she will cry until eventually she just becomes angry at her spouse for causing her all this pain and will built up a wall (without knowing it) to protect herself from being hurt again because the person she loved broke that bond of trust. If her husband has never cheated before and knows he has made a terrible mistake and the hurt he has inflicted on his wife he should be willing to go to marriage counseling to learn tools to deal with marriage problems and if he is not willing to take full blame for his affair and acts as if both of you can simply sweep it under the rug then you need to make it clear to him that you are not going to live in a marriage without some help from marriage counseling and if he continues to refuse then file for divorce. The affair is still fresh in your memory; you are still left wondering why he had the affair; you feel he may do it again because he has broken that bond of trust and therefore when you both are trying to get back to your regular sexual relationship you have images of a faceless woman being with your husband doing the same things together plus you are still inwardly hurt and angry at him and few women would not feel very romantic enough to continue a sexual relationship with all that hurt they are bottling up inside of them. Please, get marriage counseling if you both want to save your marriage.