Mental Health
Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

Why is it that the victims of Narcissists can't seem to leave the relationship when they are being verbally and emotionally abused so much?

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2006-10-02 20:57:24

Narcissists are about control, mind-bending guessing games,

outbursts of anger and love to make their victims feel like they

are going crazy by making statements and then denying them later.

They are egomaniacal and have a "God complex." No one else is

smarter than they are! It's important they are the center of

attention as far as intellect goes, but can be deemed as social

outcasts in many situations. The narcissist knows full well how to

manipulate their victim (you) and at first they can be loving, give

many gifts, take their new mate for extravagant dinners, etc., and

of course the woman is going to feel like she has found that

"special guy" that will treat her like a queen. I call people who

over-indulge in the way a narcissist does "shmoozing" meaning they

are acting smooth, confident and do exactly what they are doing and

where the whole scenerio is going to end up. Once they feel you are

comfortable and they have you hooked little by little you see the

changes in them. By this time they have spun their web of deceit

leaving you wondering what hit you and doubting yourself. They have

made you feel if you can't make it with them you won't make it with

anyone else and this is their weapon! Don't play the game of the

narcissist and YOU ARE IN CONTROL so get out of there! Once they

are at work pack up and move on even if it means going home to your

parents or staying for a bit with a relative or friend. Plan ahead

before you make the move, but MAKE THAT MOVE! Good luck hon

=Answer= The above poster said it all! I just want to add a bit of

my personal experience with this... I believed whole-heartedly that

my ex loved me. I know I loved him. The warning signs may have

always been there, but the bottom line is: I wanted to believe. Who

wouldn't anyone if they thought they'd found the love of their

life? They are con men. They don't succeed because they are NOT

good at what they do. Their "survival" depends on it. He did

everything he could to give me the "illusion" of real love. Ho ho!

He was real smooth! The love I wasted on this man! BUT, it was not

my fault. Never was. At one point it was harder to admit to myself

that I'd made a serious mistake about him than it was to leave him.

That didn't last long. I "defied" him by talking to a friend about

his abusive ways, in spite of the royal treatment he always got

from me. Really woke me up! When he discovered I was "on to him" we

had the biggest blow out ever.(Don't feel you need to confront him.

It could get dangerous! Be careful!) I threw my ex and all his crap

out on to the street.It's hard to let go of that dream, but honey I

want the REAL thing. Don't you? GET OUT FAST!

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