How do you argue with your spouse?

Answer 1

Focus first on what is making you angry enough to argue, everytime you feel the start of a row ask yourself 1) are you actually angry here or just annoyed, if your just annoyed then tell them without shouting at him, 2) if you are angry then are you actually angry at him? Is this their fault? You can argue about money as much as your want but if it's no one's fault it wont get you anywhere, your not angry at them about it most of the time, your just angry in general - at the bank, at life etc. If your not angry actually at them just about something, then think about that, 3) if you are angry about something they have done or that is their fault then don't shout about it, tell him, tell them your angry about this, tell them they've made you really annoyed, tell they you wish he'd be more responsible or helpful or clean etc, tell them calmly. If your calm, they'll soon start to be calm too. 4) remember you will argue, everyone argues, but keep the arguments and the shouting for things that really matter - the important things - righteous anger, sometimes we have no choice but to argue, it's sometimes even good for us, but unless its their fault - purposely so, then tell yourself and him what you really feel. Figure out what's wrong with the relationship. You obviously had something at some time in the past. Don't give up until you've tried to work out your differences. At least try a marriage counselor and see if there are some things that will help out the relationship. Good luck. All couples need "time out" or even a bit of a sabbatical (possibly a weekend away from each other if possible) to cool off and put things into perspective. Then sit down and communicate how both of you feel and listen to each other!

Answer 2

We've all been told arguing is a bad thing, especially with someone you love. But this is not the case! Arguing can be positive and productive when done the right way. What is the essence of arguing?- putting forth a case for or against a certain topic/debate. Make sure when you argue with your spouse you * listen to his/her side fully * prove that you listened by giving feedback * compliment/awknowledge the fact that you understand his/her point of view * speak in a low voice (yelling drowns you out and puts your spouse on the defensive) * Buy flowers or beer for your better half once he/she realizes YOU are right!