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Pie eating has evolved over time into several distinct directions. Theoreticians of pie eating (pitatrosilogists) distinguish two main subtypes: recreational pie eating and competitive pie eating.
It is inadvisable for amateurs to try competitive pie eating techniques on their own for safety reasons. A coach is needed to teach them properly and a spotter is necessary for safety in case of misfeeds, overfills and retro-projection (vomiting). The use of competitive pie eating methods in polite company is likely to result in surprised stares, general disgust, and potentially even bans from the eating venue.
Recreational pie eating can be done safely using the following guidelines.
You will need:
- A pie.
- A serving utensil. Proper pie server is recommended, but a large knife will do in a pinch.
- An individual plate.
- An eating utensil. This is commonly a fork, but some softer pies have been eaten successfully with spoons.
The eating process:
- Divide the pie into wedges (slices).
- Using an appropriate utensil transfer the slice to an individual plate.
- Get a firm grip on the eating utensil with the strong hand (right for righties, left for southpaws).
- Use the off hand to fixate the plate to the eating surface (table).
- Using the eating utensil separate a piece of pie from the slice. The size of the separated piece varies with the eater's mouth sizing and should be determined through trial and error.
- Scoop the separated piece up with the eating utensil and place it in your mouth. Remember to open wide enough for the piece to pass.
- Close mouth
- Withdraw utensil
- Chew pie
- Swallow
- Repeat until pie is gone
If steps 1 and 2 present some difficulty you should consider using the services of a professional, such as a baker or restaurant server.
If you experience difficulty with steps 3-5 you should consider investing in some manual dexterity training. Your doctor should be able to direct you to a qualified physical therapist.
If you experience difficulty with steps 6-10 you should seek remedial training in consumption of solid foods from your parents. If your parents are unavailable or unwilling to offer such remediation you should look for a local day care professional to assist you.
What else can I help you with?
Does pie eat itself?
No, pie can not eat itself.
Do mokeys eat bananas?
They do eat pie. They only eat banana pie.
What is a sentence with the words Will not?
I will not eat that last piece of pie; I will not eat that last piece of pie; I will not eat that last half piece of pie.
Why do Scientists eat pie?
scientists eat pie because they get hungry.
What did the English eat in the 1740's?
thay eat pie with snails in the pie
What is the worst pie to eat?
Humble pie.
How old do you have to be to eat a pie?
Whenever your teeth come in and you can eat food like a pie.
Why does joe always eat pie?
He always pie because his mommy makes him eat it
How do you eat pie while skiing?
well...you buy the eat-a-pie-a-tron 2000 dumba$$
Why do tissues eat pie?
Tissues do not eat pie. Tissues in the body get fed by nutrients in the blood.
How much pie can one person eat?
It depends on the person, some people could eat as much pie as the sun in big, and there are some who don't eat pie at all.
How can you eat pie?
Anyway you want to eat it.
