How do you get over your girlfriends past?

Answer 1

I am 21 years old and I have been dating a girl I met from work for about 4 months now. She is 19, and recently I have had an extremely difficult time dealing with her past. When she began working at my place of work, it was unfortunate that I judged her before I got to know her, but honestly, my judgment of her was right on. From her look, I figured she was rough around the edges and was into the party, sex without commitment scene which turned on to be true. From other people that are close to her at work I learned from them that around that time (we worked together for 4 months before we began dating) that she viewed sex with guys as simply using them, no emotion involved, no commitment. This knowledge right away put label "****", "trash", "whore" on her in my mind. She liked the party scene and it just wasn't a girl I could see myself ever respecting or dating. As time went on at work though, we began to talk more and more, and things actually started to change. I began to see a different side of her that I hadn't noticed before and I began to realize there was an attraction between us. Long story short with this segment, we began dating and have been seeing each other since May. I will admit certain things were difficult at first concerning her character and what I thought of her, but as time went on she has expressed as I have that she is a different person now and has never felt about anyone that she feels for me. She loves me, she truthfully tells me she has never loved another guy before and that I'm her first love. I love her too, we talk about our future together, she gets along great for my family, is there for me always, is supportive, I am so happy I have this girl. Now to the biggest problem. Her past has always been one of curiosity to me and something I have dreaded to her about but part of me wanted to. I knew she had slept around, but I found out a day ago that she had slept with 12 guys before me. This wrecked me. I felt disgusted, sickened, even physically weakened at this statement. I questioned her, how i felt for her, and the person I thought I had been dating for 4 months. Now I know she had underlying issues in her life before me (her father died at 15, two of her closest friends died tragically in high school) so I can understand an emotional roller coaster for her had to be going on. However, the thought of so many lovers, so young, just kills me. I should mention that I have had this problem with previous girlfriends, I become sickened and hurt at the discovery and stories of past lovers and boyfriends and it almost becomes a poison in my mind that I can't get rid of. She has told me that she did these things out of pain, seeking a way to find a way to soothe her emotional pain, get her mind away from things. It wasn't until earlier this year she actually did some self reflection and realized her faults and decided she needs to change her ways. I have told my girlfriend that I want to beat this problem, that I will seek counseling if needed and I won't let this tear us apart because in my heart I know I am wrong for this. I have inquired already to meeting a counselor later this week but any advice e would be much appreciated. I would rather not here the cliche advice though, past is the past, love her for who she is now, I've heard all that. I need real concrete answers, please. Thank you.

Answer 2

You don't. Or you can be positive and think of who she has become.