How long do narcissists stay in false self mode?

Answer 1

Narcissists are either cerebral or somatic. In other words, they either generate their narcissistic supply by applying their bodies or by applying their minds.

The somatic narcissist flaunts his sexual conquests, parades his possessions, exhibits his muscles, brags about his physical aesthetics or sexual prowess or exploits, is often a health freak and a hypochondriac. The cerebral narcissist is a know-it-all, haughty and intelligent "computer". He uses his awesome intellect, or knowledge (real or pretended) to secure adoration, adulation and admiration. To him, his body and its maintenance are a burden and a distraction.

Both types are auto-erotic (psychosexually in love with themselves, with their bodies and with their brain). Both types prefer masturbation to adult, mature, interactive, multi-dimensional and emotion-laden sex.

The cerebral narcissist is often celibate (even when he has a girlfriend or a spouse). He prefers pornography and sexual auto-stimulation to the real thing. The cerebral narcissist is sometimes a latent (hidden, not yet outed) homosexual.

The somatic narcissist uses other people's bodies to masturbate. Sex with him - pyrotechnics and acrobatics aside - is likely to be an impersonal and emotionally alienating and draining experience. The partner is often treated as an object, an extension of the somatic narcissist, a toy, a warm and pulsating vibrator.

It is a mistake to assume type-constancy. In other words, all narcissists are BOTH cerebral and somatic. In each narcissist, one of the types is dominant. So, the narcissist is either OVERWHELMINGLY cerebral - or DOMINANTLY somatic. But the other type, the recessive (manifested less frequently) type, is there. It is lurking, waiting to erupt.

The narcissist swings between his dominant type and his recessive type. The latter is expressed mainly as a result of a major narcissistic injury or life crisis.

I can give you hundreds of examples from my correspondence but, instead, let's talk about me (of course...:o))

I am a cerebral narcissist. I brandish my brainpower, exhibit my intellectual achievements, bask in the attention given to my mind and its products. I hate my body and neglect it. It is a nuisance, a burden, a derided appendix, an inconvenience, a punishment. Needless to add that I rarely have sex (often years apart). I masturbate regularly, very mechanically, as one would change water in an aquarium. I stay away from women because I perceive them to be ruthless predators who are out to consume me and mine.

I have had quite a few major life crises. I got divorced, lost millions a few times, did time in one of the worst prisons in the world, fled countries as a political refugee, was threatened, harassed and stalked by powerful people and groups. I have been devalued, betrayed, denigrated and insulted.

Invariably, following every life crisis, the somatic narcissist in me took over. I became a lascivious lecher. When this happened, I had a few relationships - replete with abundant and addictive sex - going simultaneously. I participated in and initiated group sex and mass orgies. I exercised, lost weight and honed my body into an irresistible proposition.

This outburst of unrestrained, primordial lust waned in a few months and I settled back into my cerebral ways. No sex, no women, no body.

These total reversals of character stun my mates. My girlfriends and spouse found it impossible to digest this eerie transformation from the gregarious, darkly handsome, well-built and sexually insatiable person that swept them off their feet - to the bodiless, bookwormish hermit with not an inkling of interest in either sex or other carnal pleasures.

I miss my somatic half. I wish I could find a balance, but I know it is a doomed quest. This sexual beast of mine will forever be trapped in the intellectual cage that is I, Sam Vaknin, the Brain.

The question is "How long will a narcissist stay in somatic mode". I've wondered this myself. If a beautiful girl is a somatic narcissist and gets all her pride from her looks, what happens when she ages and isn't so pretty anymore. I guess we should look at Madonna as she gets older. How long can a stripper work at a strip club? She can't work there when she's 70.

NarcissismOnce the narcissist cannot, or no longer wants to be a somatic narcissist. I've been a somatic narcissist my whole life, rarely using my mind (even though I'm intelligent). Over the past few years, I've honed my body, my charm, and have successfully seduced 100's to 1000's of women. But as my skills and looks have increased, the number of problems that I''ve encountered have also increased. Lately, my female conquests have caused major problems, that lead me to believe that I'm nothing more than a real life Narcisus(in love with myself, reject any female that offers intimacy). I've lately come to the conclusion that I'd be better off in life (more likely to live a real life) if I kill off my somatic half. No matter how difficult it is for me to stop caring about my looks (which will also have the effect of killing my ability to seduce, because I'll no longer have any confidence in myself). I've done this before when I was younger, with the result of turning depressed, and becoming close to schizoid (when I loose my looks, I almost become paranoid about going out into public). But I've decided that my looks aren't going to last forever, and the amount of damage that I'm doing is bad. I'd be better off forgetting about my somatic half, and concentrating on making something of myself. Looks are only skin deep.

Somatic change

I have watched my child's mother who was at one point quite lovely, (coined initially a somatic narcissist) lose her looks over the years. While I stay as far away as possible she continues to attempt different frauds and cons using anyone that is easily manipulated. The last time I saw a picture of her I was amazed at the transformation. She looks completely different, It was suspected that other mental illnesses along with the NPD were involved. Her most recent attempt at insurance fraud was outright nutty and almost desperate. As usual, I was able to catch her in a slew of lies and submit them to the company she was claiming the bill was from. In the past she would file a pauper order and then get an attorney to assist her with the fraud by conning them. But even the attorneys willing to be used eventually run out. After their looks fade NPD people lose much of their ability to use others through sex and become what they always were, just ugly con-artists without conscience or empathy for others...

Answer 2

Depends on how alert you are to the signs. I would say when you are the target of the sudden narcissistic rage when you first fail to give them their supply of ego-boost, perhaps by attempting a mild criticism, or trying to point out anything about them or your relationship that isn't perfect. No sense of humour, no insight into the situation, just a blast of fury directed at you with withering scorn. They are often very 'sorry' afterwards, but in an attempt to get you back in place, I think, rather than a genuine attempt to change. It will happen again and again, as long as they feel you love them and will tolerate it.

Answer 3

My personal belief is that narcissists will live a long life because of their selfishness and the way they can manipulate others to do their bidding. They don't have a conscience and can probably sleep well at night, thus they have everything going for them for a long and unhappy life. My NPD father is 87yrs, he has a wife who does everything for him, and he sits in his chair looking like an empty old box with hard, unyielding eyes. I don't feel sorry for him, he has played too many games and I find him quite horrible.

Answer 4

I usually stay in false mode for about 3 to 5 days...6 Tops.

Answer 5

Difficult to answer, it can be anything from months to several years. Depends on how explicitly he/she has narcissistic traits and on how tolerant the other is.