Is it possible for a narcissistic spouse to stop feeling attacked when discussing your hurt feelings over a secretive friendship he has with another woman?

Answer 1

Here we go again with the "narcissistic" word again. From as far back as the 40's they were always called "jerks" and "narcissistic" was never brought into it. He's hurting you, so don't worry about his feelings. When you are married you are married and he has no right to have a secret relationship with any woman. If there was nothing to hide he could simply tell you he has a female friend from years past and would like to have her over for dinner. My own husband has a couple of women he knew years ago and remaines friends with and we do have dinner together and I have a couple of male friends I do the same with. There is nothing going on but friendship, so we have no reason to hide each of our friends from each other. If he has had this woman over and all went well, then there is no reason to keep going after him. On the other hand if he is playing mind games with you and seeing this other woman away from home it's time you put your foot down with him. If he doesn't listen or ignores you, then see a lawyer to protect your assests, and the next time he comes home have his bags packed and waiting for him at the front door. I am sorry to be so blunt, and I do care about your feelings. I've had a bad first marriage myself. I just hate to see anyone hurt in this manner whether it's a man or woman. No one deserves this treatment. Good luck Marcy I agree with what Marcy wrote up to a point. Don't pack his bags. Do protect your assets and do put your foot down. But be kind and not nagging about it. Instead tell him that he should be able to communicate his feelings about this woman to you if she is just a friend. And do invite her over. Tell him how it makes you feel. When she does come be very nice to her and get her number and form a relationship with her as well. I am not married but I had the same problem with my boyfriend on two occassions. The first woman I had nothing to worry about. As a matter of fact she and I are very good friend to this day. We talk all of the time now and hang out. She doesn't even call him anymore. And, it was because I invited her over and let her talk about herself (what most people like to do). The "other woman" - which exactly what she was hoping to be, came over as well. I watched how she looked at him and how she behaved when I was subtley affectionate to him (I made sure that I was only subtle). She didn't like it and I knew her feelings towards my boyfriend was not in my best interest. I took her aside and told her that it is obvious her feelings for him. She should put herself in my shoes. He is still with me. She claims nothing has happened, so I told her (and you have leverage because you are married) that he is very affectionate towards me (even though it seemed lately that his attention was elsewhere, probably on her). I told her that she may try a tryst with him but I will always be here for him and he knows this with or without the money, without limbs and at his darkest hours. They may be having an affair now and I don't know it, but we have a history and there is nothing she can do to change that. He will always come back to me and she will always be the other woman. If she doesn't mind a battle, then she better be ready for a war. We can be friends out of this or she can loose him all together. It was my confidence that weakened her feelings for him. (Whew!!!) She is now dating my brother. It took some work, but we bonded from that moment on. You have to be strong, proud, warm and elegant in your mannerism. They will either not want to compete with you or deal with a war on their hands.