What purpose does the Narcissist's vindictive behavior serve for him?

Answer 1

Well, the N is always making themselves look better by comparison. They disparage you to a relative so that they appear better. The lie about you to a mutual friend and ask them to keep the lie a secret, so that the friend has this new perspective on you but you will never know why. You have to remember that a N is threatened by ANYTHING that could even be construed as criticism. If you plan a party for your spouse, and don't ask the N to control every aspect of the party planning, then you have threatened them. They will try to make your party a mess and they will inconvenience you. They will call you after the invitations have gone out and tell you that you should change the location because so-and -so was complaining about the long drive. If you try and make the N feel included by giving them a party task, they will refuse to do things your way or complain heavily. You have to remember that they don't see the world as you or I see it. They are still small children mentally, fighting with everyone else in class for attention. They lack the morality to abstain from lies. They lack the intelligence to see that their tactics don't work in the long run. They don't have the self assurance to let others be happy. Every good relationship that goes on in lives of others around them is a threat to them and should be messed with. If a N gets married to someone with previous children, those kids are competition. The N will tell the new spouse not to give money, not to let the kids stay at home when visiting, and the N will purposely try to cause fights to alienate the step children. It's almost like the step children are new step siblings, trying to steal the attention that the N wants! I cut the N out of my life and things have never been better. Here's the best part about the vindictive antics--if you do a good job of making friends and comparing notes, you CAN expose the N to most of their victims and align yourselves against them. It's tricky and requires patience, but in the end their vindictive behavior is what gets them into trouble and makes it so easy to expose them. Give the N enough rope to hang themselves. :) == == == == Boy have I lived through this one with my N. Narcissists are vindictive normally. But a big part of the reason they are like this with someone who has left them, or abandoned them in any way, is to continue to be able to exert some "control" over the person. They want to manipulate the person to feel frightened and miserable. If you fear them, or react in some way to their vindictive behavior, the twisted mind of the narcissist is glad. They even hate being hated, because it is at least some sign to them that they are important and alive. If you have no reaction at all, they cannot stand it because they crave attention - even negative attention is better than none, for a Narcissist. What a tormented life they live, to even need being hated! Correction to above: I said that the Narcissist hates being hated. I meant - the Narcissist even LOVES being hated.