Why does Wife feels like third wheel around step daughter?

Answer 1

Because blood is thicker than water, all relationships need work to be maintained.

Answer

Well, having come into a household with a 16 year old son, I can remember the feeling. As time passed, though, the household changed and it became three of us. For the first year or so, I didn't feel like I had a say in what went on with the "kid." However as time went on, parenting decisions did affect our finances, the peace in the household and so on. For instance when I came in, the kid was referred to as He. Whatever He wanted, we had to do. If there was something at the mall He wanted, Dad would go and get it right then. If He wanted to leave his laundry knee deep (I am not exaggerating) in the laundry room, it was fine until He wanted to move it. Caleb likes me, but he was stuck back in the maturity level of a 13 year old, since there were no expectations and accountability. Eventually, I had to speak up which was tough on the Dad, who was very protective. Almost five years later, we are on the same page. However, my suggestion is that you listen to the wife's ideas and make sure that your daughter is doing what she should be doing--being honest, going to school and keeping up her grades, not running up the phone bill, keeping curfew--and also try to do some fun things with the three of you.